Not That I Care
by Flying Dhole
Summary: Follows Axel and Roxas through their time in the Organization, centralized on their friendship. Not slash...though who knows. Rated for language and violence. Chapter Seventeen: A rescue, a fight, and some memories...
1. The New Kid

Not That I Care

1

The New Kid

_We are the nobodies_

_Wanna be somebodies_

_We're dead, we know just who we are._

_--Marilyn Manson_

"You'll never guess what's happened."

Axel opens one green eye to peer up at Larxene. She's standing over him like some kind of sentry. Not that Larxene is particularly tall. She's always had that kind of presence, though, like a gargoyle—scary and always watching you.

Axel utters a low groan. It was such a nice nap, too, and this is his favorite couch. Green and plush, the kind that's good to collapse on after a difficult mission. Can't a guy get a little rest after dodging Heartless for hours and hours? Axel's work is so unappreciated.

He keeps his complaints to himself, however. When Larxene speaks, and when she speaks without peppering her sentences with curses and choice insults, something interesting is happening. The fact that she's out of the library for once—that's interesting too.

Axel takes a guess. "Hm. Xaldin and Xiggy are getting married."

"Close, but not quite." It's funny—at least Axel thinks so—but Larxene isn't smiling. Larxene doesn't smile. She only smiles when she's hurting something.

"The higher-ups dragged home a Thirteenth."

_That_ gets him. Axel sits up, swinging bare feet onto the cold floor. The floors are always cold here; the Superior has a disdain for carpets. Not a single carpet in the whole damn castle. Axel looks up at Number Twelve, already wearing his wicked grin.

"New fish, huh?" Axel gives a sadistic little chuckle and rubs his hands together in true mad scientist fashion. Vexen would be proud. "I _love_ new fish. Meeting room, right?"

Larxene turns away with a snort. "You have five minutes. And get your damn cloak on, you look like some college bum."

Ah, Larxene. She's like poison ivy—rash and all. Axel looks himself over. Alright, she has a point, he's got the deadbeat teen look down pat. Wrinkled gray shirt, standard-issue Organization black pants that are bunched from sleeping in them. His boxers are showing. He runs a hand through spiky red hair to get rid of the bed-head. Yeah, not gonna win any fashion contests.

Axel thinks the look suits him. Everyone else always goes around in their black cloaks all the time. It's so monotonous. Nothing wrong with going casual once in a while. Though the Superior would say that Axel is casual a lot more often than once in a while.

"Sure thing, Mom," he answers.

Number Twelve ignores the comment, raises her hand and opens a shadow portal. As she's about to step in, she turns back to Axel with a curious look on her face.

"You don't call him Xiggy to his face, do you?"

"Xiggy? The Pirate Scarface? Well, I'm still alive, aren't I?" Axel pats his chest, where his heart would be, if he had one. "Oh, wait, no I'm not. No heart."

Larxene just gives him a cold stare. One day he's going to get a smile out of her. Just to spite her.

"Scarface," Larxene muses, stepping into the shadows. "Creative." And with that, she disappears.

"No one uses doors around here anymore," Axel mutters to himself as he leans over the back of the couch to retrieve his cloak. The thing is _damned_ inconvenient. Who the hell wanders around in heavy black cloaks—in _summer? _"What did the doors ever do wrong? Poor, unappreciated doors. I'd feel bad for them if I could feel."

Axel likes to hear himself talk. No one else is worth listening to.

-------

The Thirteenth isn't what Axel expected. For one thing, he's _young._ He can't be more than sixteen or seventeen. Not much younger than Axel—he thinks—but still, a hell of an age to become a Heartless. Whole future wasted and all that. Tough break. Not that Axel cares.

He's not scared, either. Demyx was scared. Larxene was scared. Hell, even _Axel_ was scared—a little. Something about that white room with those dark, hooded shapes seated high above you; anyone would be scared. But the only sign that the kid is uncomfortable is the way his gaze flicks around the clandestine white room. It's more alertness and curiosity than fear in his eyes.

And speaking of which—wow, _eyes._ Axel usually avoids looking people in the eye, but it's hard with this kid. His eyes are very, very _blue._ Ocean blue. Sky blue. Every other blue fades in comparison. It's like the kid's eyes are the _original_ blue, and every other blue was born of them.

How poetic.

Other than that—well, his hair is blond and sticks up in the front in an interesting way, and he's surprisingly short, and his white and black shirt speaks of a liking for checkers. There's some kind of pendant on a chain around his neck.

Axel buries a smirk. He hopes this kid turns out to be more interesting than Larxene. Or Marluxia. Or any of them. None of them are particularly interesting. Demyx can be interesting if he tries, but too often the higher-ups are there to scare him back into that whipped-dog state that is decidedly _un-_interesting.

Axel likes things to be interesting.

"We are all assembled," the Superior says. _Well, shit, he can count,_ Axel thinks. The Superior turns his hooded face down on the kid below. The Superior always keeps his hood up. Axel thinks he's paranoid. "State your name for the Order."

"It's…" the kid has to think about it. They all did in the beginning. When you wake up it's hard to remember much of anything. Over time bits and pieces start coming back to you, but no one ever recalls their name. Your mind just casts around for something similar but not quite the same, and eventually it makes something up on its own.

The kid inclines his head, staring at the Superior. Axel wonders if he can shoot lasers out of those eyes.

"Roxas."

There's a cold silence. Axel rests his chin in his hand, watching the kid.

"Roxas," the Superior repeats. He sounds like he knows something. Then again, the Superior always sounds like he knows something. Axel wonders exactly how much the Superior is keeping from the rest of them. Not that he cares.

"You said that coming here would help me get my heart back," Roxas says in a hard voice, folding his arms. Axel's smile broadens. You don't talk like that to the Superior. Axel's the only one who gets away with it.

"That is precisely this Organization's aim," the Superior says.

"The question, of course, is whether you'll be of any use to us," Saїx adds, hands folded under his chin. Axel looks sidelong at a Nobody with long, ice-blue hair. Axel doesn't like Saїx. Well, he doesn't really like any of them—Demyx has his moments—but Saїx has always weirded Axel out. He's…well, he's sadistic. Xaldin will stab you, Xibar will shoot you and then shoot you again, and the Superior will simply obliterate you, but Saïx always seemed the type to kill your puppy or put broken glass in your salad or something.

Roxas looks his way and seems to come to the same conclusion as Axel. His blue eyes show a spark of wariness.

"I killed those black bug-things back in Twilight Town. Anyway, I don't care about this Organization. I just want a heart."

_He's got stones, I'll give him that,_ Axel thinks.

"You will need us to help you achieve a heart," the Superior says in that superior voice of his. "The worlds are overrun with Heartless. A lone Nobody will not stand a chance, skilled or not."

"Nobody?" Roxas asks, confused.

"What you and us are, kid," Axel pipes up. "A nothing. Scraps left over by Heartless. N-O-Body, got it memorized?"

Roxas glares at him. _Oh, so he _can_ shoot lasers out of his eyes, _Axel thinks, and chuckles a little.

"Ignore Number Eight," the Superior says, and Axel can feel his eyes on him. "Our goals are one and the same, Roxas. If you fight for us, we will help you get a heart."

"Yeah?" Roxas says. "How do I know I can trust you?"

"If you want us to throw you back to the Heartless, we will," Xaldin growls through his dreadlocks.

Roxas looks around the room again, craning his neck to see the higher chairs. To him it must look like he's in a courtroom. Axel remembers the feeling. Roxas must know that refusing the Organization at this point in the game means death. The higher-ups wouldn't have brought him back if they didn't believe in his fighting prowess. They also wouldn't have brought him back with the intention of ever letting him escape them with his life.

"Alright. I'll fight with you," Roxas decides.

Demyx claps his hands, grinning. "Excellent! That makes us Organization Thirteen!"

"I like it," Axel agrees. "It's got a nice ring to it. Better than Organization Twelve. Organization Twelve just doesn't strike fear into the hearts of mortals, does it? Thirteen's got the whole bad luck vibe."

Xaldin mutters something that sounds distinctly like _teenagers._

"Welcome to the Organization," the Superior says. "From now on you will be known as Roxas, Number Thirteen. I am Xemnas, Number One, the Superior, and you will refer to me as such. The others you will meet personally in time. I expect obedience from you, Number Thirteen. Any disobedience will be harshly punished."

"He means, you screw up, you go bye-bye, kid," Axel says and Demyx laughs.

"Number Eight," the Superior says, turning his head toward Axel. "I'm assigning you to show Roxas around the castle and help him get to know The World That Never Was."

Axel nearly chokes on his amusement.

"Me? Why me? Do I have 'babysitter' tattooed on my forehead?"

"I am hoping that this kind of assignment will serve to alleviate some of your…unruliness," the Superior says, a touch of amusement in his voice. Despite the fact that, judging by his tone, he won't be above turning Axel into tiny particles of darkness if Axel protests further.

"Unruly? Me?" Axel says, grinning wickedly. He leans back in his chair, which is as white as the room, and folds his hands behind his head. "Alright, I'll play the mommy, but I ain't changing his diapers."

Roxas's hands have clenched into fists. "Come down here and say that again, asshole."

The Superior actually chuckles. Though you could really mistake it for a cough.

"I think you two will get on just fine."

----------------------------

Well, this is my first fic in a long time, woot. Not all that great, but oh well. Stick around, the story gets better.

Feedback is like candy for my soul.


	2. No Memory

**Disclaimer:** Yeah, I don't own Kingdom Hearts or anyone in it. Sad, but true.

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Not That I Care

2

No Memory

_Hello?_

_Is there anybody in there?_

_Just nod if you can hear me_

_Is there anyone at home?_

_--Pink Floyd_

The red-head raises one gloved finger.

"Rule one," he says, "Nobodies, good. Heartless, bad. Rule two: Kill Heartless to get hearts. Rule three: Don't piss off the Superior. Rule four: Saïx will eat you. That's about it." He counts his fingers. "Four rules. Got it memorized?"

Then he turns away with a yawn and stretches his arms. "Naptime."

It's hard for Roxas to believe that someone this annoying could really exist, and he wonders briefly if he's still dreaming.

The red-head is walking away down a white hall, lined on one wall with huge windows. Outside night has the castle and city wreathed in darkness. An odd, heart-shaped moon regards The World That Never Was from high above.

"Hey! _Hey!"_ Roxas chases after the red-head. "You can't just walk away!"

The red-head looks down at his feet in surprise. "Well look at that, my feet are moving anyway."

Roxas grits his teeth. "Xemnas told you to show me around." _I don't want to be left alone here,_ Roxas thinks, but he doesn't say it out loud. He'd never admit to the fear he's feeling, least of all to this red-headed jerk. He woke up only a few hours ago from dreams of darkness and giant keys to find himself assaulted by what looked like insects with glowing eyes. It wasn't long after that the men in black hoods showed up and took him back here.

He can remember _nothing _from before that—nothing at all. Just the dreams. There's something terrifying about that fact. About the idea that Roxas doesn't even know who he is.

The red-head looks back at him, green eyes narrowed in amusement.

"You were someone's little brother, weren't you?"

"What? No," Roxas answers. Actually, he's not sure. Does he have brothers? Sisters? Parents? Does he have a family at all?

_Why can't I remember? What happened to me?_

"At least tell me your name, so when Xemnas asks who he should kill I can tell him."

The red-head grins. "See, you're already getting the hang of how things work around here. And the name is Axel. A-X-E-L, got it memorized?"

_If he says that one more time, I swear…_But then Roxas realizes that Axel has stopped walking and decides to take advantage of the situation.

"What did you mean back there?" he asks, his voice cool. "When you said we're nothing?"

Axel gives him a curious look. Roxas meets his gaze, unafraid. Something tells him he was always this way, always the tough one, always brave. But who was he brave for, and why?

He wants to know; he wants to remember.

"I meant what I said," Axel says at length. "We're nothing. A Nobody's what's left over when a Heartless takes your heart. You split in two; a Heartless and a Nobody, 'cept the Heartless keeps your heart. That's why you've got nothing in here." Axel flicks Roxas's chest. Roxas pulls away, glaring at him. "Like the rest of us."

Roxas raises a hand to his own chest, his eyes distant. _I'm a Nobody. So I was…somebody, but I got turned into a Heartless…maybe that's why I…_

"Then what's a Heartless?"

Axel rolls his eyes and sighs in a long-suffering kind of way. "Why do I have to do all the explaining? You fought 'em before. Those 'black bug-things,' as you brilliantly put it. They come from the darkness in people's hearts and then take the hearts of others. It's all very dark and poetic. Can I take a nap now? I'm tired."

"You're annoying," Roxas corrects him.

Axel runs a hand through his flame-red hair. "Well, yeah, that's what people tell me."

Roxas folds his arms and thinks for a moment before speaking again.

"So when you become a Nobody," he says, "you lose all your memories?"

Axel gives him that curious look again, as if Roxas is an interesting species of insect, or an unusual cloud. Roxas is learning to hate that look.

"No, that's not how it works. We all remember most of it. Why?"

Roxas looks away again, out the window toward the heart-shaped moon. _So I'm still the odd one out. _"No reason," he answers.

Axel actually tilts his head, like a confused dog. "You're saying you don't remember anything?"

"No. I mean, sure I remember things. I remember…the sun rises in the East and sets in the West, and a river flows to the ocean, and I remember what the sun feels like and what grass feels like and what sand feels like and the smell of palm trees, and, and…" Roxas casts around frantically for something, something solid, anything. "I know what it'll feel like if I punch that wall. I know what punching _you_ will feel like." Axel smirks at that. Roxas points toward the strange moon. "I know that's not what a moon is supposed to look like. I just…" Roxas grits his teeth, suddenly furious. "I can't remember who I am."

Axel stares at him, that same confused-dog expression on his face. He looks almost intrigued by Roxas's outburst.

"Nothing at _all?"_

Roxas glares at him and doesn't answer.

Axel gives a faint smile. "How interesting," he says. "I guess you really are a Nobody."

Roxas feels a stabbing sensation in the place where his heart should be. He wants to hit Axel. He wants to knock that little smile off his face. Axel can remember. Xemnas can remember. They can _all_ remember, judging by what Axel said—all of them, except for Roxas.

_I don't even know who I am._

"Can you shoot lasers out of your eyes?" Axel asks suddenly. Roxas blinks, looks up at him.

"What?"

Axel turns on his heel, his cloak swishing, and he starts walking. He points down the hallway.

"So down here are where the higher-ups stay," he says. "Xemnas, Xigbar, Xaldin, Vexen, Lexaeus and Zexion. One through Six. Got it memorized? I'd avoid this place, especially when Xaldin's in one of his moods—he tends to stab people. Hey, you're not following."

Axel gives him a reproving look over his shoulder. Roxas trots up behind him wordlessly and follows in silence, listening to Axel go off about the higher-ups and how uptight they are.

He decides not to mention that Axel seems to have forgotten his nap.

-------

Time in The World That Never Was seems to run the same as anywhere else—though Roxas wonders how he knows that—but the sun never shows its face here. It's as if even the sun has forgotten this place and its inhabitants. Not that Roxas cares. If everything wants to forget him, best to forget _everything._

_Though I don't really believe that,_ he thinks, laying a hand across his forehead.

He can't sleep. Third night in a row now. Since it's night all the time, it took him awhile to get used to the schedules. "You just sleep when you want," Axel said with that stupid grin of his. "I sure as hell do."

He's gotten to know the castle and a good part of the Dark City. He's met most of the Organization members, except a few who stay in the lower levels—"the antisocial ones" is what Axel called them. Demyx, Number Nine, is the only one Roxas thinks he can stand. He's not _quite_ as annoying as Axel. He's actually friendly at times. Not that Roxas wants friends here.

Roxas rolls over in bed. Wind has blown the curtains in his room aside, revealing the ever-present light from the heart-shaped moon. Kingdom Hearts. The salvation of the Nobodies, according to Xemnas—though Axel doesn't seem to be so sure.

He finally sits up, rubbing his face. He flinches as his feet touch the cold floor. _They really need to heat this place._

Roxas leaves his room and steps out into the pale hallway. He picks a direction and starts walking, passing doors counting down from twelve to seven. Roxas hear snoring from the door marked "8" and he rolls his eyes.

He picks his way downward through the maze of halls and stairways and strange rooms that make up the castle. Eventually he finds himself in the well-lit library. He's been attracted to this place since he got here. No one's ever here, except for Larxene—who, despite her rather acidic personality, doesn't bother people when she's reading.

The library isn't quiet tonight, though. Roxas hears two people arguing somewhere deeper within. Roxas sighs; he wanted to be here alone in the silence, with just the books. It's not the same as sleeping, but at least he wouldn't have to think; that's the beauty of books. He pads down a row of shelves, away from the voices. But when he steps out into the open, someone calls to him.

"Number Thirteen!"

A man with long, light-colored hair waves at him. He's standing before an armchair, in which sits Larxene, holding a book. Roxas tries not to look too disappointed and trudges over to them. The man gives him a fake-looking smile, like plastic.

"So you're Roxas," he says, looking Roxas up and down. "The newest addition. I'm Number Four—Vexen."

"By four he means 'four times more annoying than anyone else,'" Larxene puts in, not looking up from her book.

"Annoying? I'm merely asking you for that book! I've _told_ you I need it for my research." Vexen looks up at Roxas again. "I'm the Organization's scientist and main researcher."

Roxas could care less. "Good for you." Vexen narrows his eyes at him.

"What are you doing up at this hour, Roxas?" Larxene asks, glancing at him.

"I couldn't sleep."

"Aw, did baby have a nightmare?"

Roxas shoots her a glare, though she's not looking. "I just came here to read."

"Roxas, I've heard that you have no memories from before you became a Nobody," Vexen is saying, looking miffed at being ignored. "Is that true?"

"What's it to you?"

"I'm conducting a large-scale experiment on memory," Vexen says, grinning rather hungrily. "There's a girl with the ability to manipulate memories who I'm researching; and a whole project in motion, to try and sync this girl's powers based on the floors of a building—a castle. Perhaps you'd like to participate? Join the experiment?"

Roxas gives him a narrow look. "You want me to be a guinea pig?"

Vexen coughs politely. "Hardly a guinea pig. I promise my experiments aren't life-threatening. We might even discover why you lost your memory."

"You'd look cute all wired and lit up like a Christmas tree," Larxene says with the ghost of a smile.

Roxas steps backward, glaring at the two. It seems that every new Organization member he meets is crazier and more freakish than the last.

"I don't think so."

Vexen steps forward quickly and grasps Roxas's shoulder. "You want to get your memories back, don't you?"

"Not with your help."

Vexen's smile fades. "Number Thirteen, you're the lowest ranking member of the Organization. You dare talk back to me?"

Roxas tries to pull away but Vexen's grip is strong. "Let me—"

"Well, if it isn't Mr. and Mrs. Hyde," an annoyingly familiar voice says from behind Roxas. Vexen looks over Roxas's shoulder and his eyes go cold. He releases Roxas and steps away. Roxas turns to see Axel behind him, in an undershirt and sweatpants.

"Ugh, you're lumping me in with _him?" _Larxene mutters and returns to her book.

"How weird to see you out of the basement, Frankenstein," Axel says. "I get it, your lab coat is getting dry-cleaned. So your experiment blew up in your face again? How _surprising."_

"Your jokes are losing their cleverness, Number Eight," Vexen says, his voice like ice.

"Well, I did just wake up." Axel lays a hand on Roxas's shoulder. "Really, Vexie, you should know by now that _no one_ wants to be your lab monkey. You already have one to play with, don't you? Or have you killed her off already?"

Vexen just snorts and turns away from them. "I'll need that book, Larxene."

"When I'm done with it. Vexie."

Vexen huffs and storms off.

"And Frankenstein stalks back to his cave," Axel says, releasing his grip on Roxas, yawning. "Back to bed."

Roxas watches him walk away. He glances at Larxene, who seems to have forgotten Roxas's presence. Roxas takes off after Axel.

"I don't need your protection," Roxas snaps. His hands are clenched and his face feels hot. The last thing he wanted was for someone to come to his rescue, Axel least of all.

"No, I don't think you do," Axel agrees, catching Roxas off guard. "Presumptuous, aren't you? I didn't do it for you, you know."

"Then why?" Roxas asks, confused.

"You wouldn't be half as interesting if you became one of Vexie's research subjects. Things get _so_ boring around here, I need _something_ to entertain me."

"Is that it? Well, I'm glad I can be so damn _entertaining."_

Axel laughs. "Save that energy for tomorrow, kid. You're gonna need it. It's your first mission, and guess what? _I'm _coming with you."

Roxas gapes at Axel's back. Axel chuckles at Roxas's silence.

"Does Xemnas want to torture me or something? Why do you have to come?"

Axel shrugs. "Who knows? I never know what that guy is thinking. Not exactly pleased with it myself, but what can you do?" Axel stops before his door and looks back at Roxas. "So get some sleep, shorty."

"Hey!"

But Axel is already gone.

Roxas snorts, folding his arms.

"Asshole," he mutters, and heads back to his room.

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Eh, I don't know about this chapter, but I wanted to introduce Roxas's side of things. I figure it'll go like this, switching off between their viewpoints—at least up to a point, -koff- Roxas is an angsty little Nobody, isn't he?

Thanks for the reviews, and stay tuned for more! Sorry if this chapter is suckage. We're going to get into the action after this.

Feedback is candy for my soul.


	3. First Mission

**Disclaimer:** Don't own KH or the characters, but I do own this story!

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Not That I Care

3

First Mission

"_Fools" said I "You do not know_

_Silence like a cancer grows."_

_--Simon and Garfunkel_

You get to miss the sun after spending most of your time in a world without sunlight, especially when you live in a freezing castle. Axel feels a bit like a vampire, without the blood thing. The sun is always brighter and hotter when you come back into it after a time away. Axel likes the sun just fine, but this is a little ridiculous. It's afternoon, it's late summer, he's wearing a _heavy black coat,_ and Xemnas has made it clear that he'll rip Axel's lungs out if he catches them anywhere near the beach.

Not fair.

Axel reappears on the roof and heaves a sigh. "There's a _beach_ here," he says. "You know, there aren't many worlds with _beaches._ It's cruel and unusual. I mean, you never know. Heartless might show up at the beach. It could happen. We could be at the _beach_ watching for Heartless. It would be less hot at the beach."

Roxas doesn't even look his way. The kid is dangling his legs over the edge of the roof, watching the streets below like a falcon.

"It would be less hot if you'd stop complaining about it," he says in a tired sort of way, tugging at the collar of his coat. The coat is unflattering on him, but then, it's not particularly flattering on any of them. The Superior gave Roxas the smallest coat they could find but it still looks like the coat is trying to eat him. Axel chuckles a little at the mental imagery.

"You mean I have that kind of effect on the weather? Awesome. I didn't know I was that cool. Or hot. Or both!" Axel grins, but Roxas doesn't react. He's learning quickly, taking his cues from the others, learning the virtues—or, Axel thinks, the curse—of silence. Axel's going to lose him to that silence unless he tries some different tactics.

"Soda?"

_Now_ Roxas turns. Axel holds a soda can out to him. Roxas raises an eyebrow. There isn't much in the way of food at The Castle That Never Was, soda least of all. Plus, he _is_ a teenager.

"Is it real? Where did you get that?"

"Stole it," Axel says nonchalantly. "There's a store down there a ways."

"You _stole_ it?"

"Yeah, it's easy when you can just teleport in and teleport out."

"That's…not really what I meant," Roxas says in a hopeless tone.

Axel knows. He smiles anyway and tosses Roxas the can. Roxas just barely catches it before it falls to earth. Axel opens his own with a snap and a hiss.

"Lovely caffeine."

"Thanks," Roxas mutters.

"Ow!"

Roxas's head almost flies off he turns it so fast. "What?"

"Bubbles up my nose," Axel says, rubbing at the offended area.

Roxas gives him a look that Axel is coming to call the "laser-glare."

"I hate you," Roxas decides, turning away. Seems like most people come to that conclusion. Axel heaves another sigh and collapses back on the roof. The sky is that lovely afternoon blue, deep and endless. Puffy clouds dot the sky. This world will get rain later.

"Happy to be back in your hometown?" Axel asks, folding his arms behind his head. Roxas gives a little groan; no doubt he thought himself free of Axel's voice.

Never.

"It's not my hometown," the kid says in exasperation. "This is just where I woke up."

"But you don't remember," Axel points out. "You might have lived here. Your family might be here. Not that they'd recognize you."

Roxas doesn't answer. His silence sounds troubled to Axel. It bothers him, Axel knows it does—the amnesia thing. Axel knows he doesn't sleep much, because neither does Axel, and he always hears Roxas out there, wandering around the halls alone. Not that Axel cares.

Though it's interesting, he'll admit.

Roxas kicks his legs in the air and sips his soda. "Aren't we supposed to actually be—I don't know—_doing_ something?"

"Nnnnope."

"The Superior said _reconnaissance._ So shouldn't we be actually doing _reconnaissance?"_

"The clouds are nice," Axel says and points. "Look, there's a bunny."

Axel can practically hear Roxas grinding his teeth from here. He sighs.

"Look, kid, Twilight Town hardly ever gets hit with Heartless. The corridors from the darkness to this world aren't really open yet. We're just here to make sure nothing gets in through the cracks."

"There were a whole bunch of them when I woke up."

"A fluke," Axel says, shrugging.

Roxas sighs heavily. "Some first mission."

"Cheer up. Be glad the Superior didn't ask you to wash his underwear." Axel points up again. "Look, that one's a dog."

Roxas drains his soda and sets the can aside. Axel would have thrown it.

"No, it's more of a cat."

Axel looks up at him; he can't have heard right. "Say what?"

Roxas points at Axel's cloud. "It's a cat. Look at the tail."

Axel stares at him. _No way! _he thinks. Nobodies can't feel and, in Axel's experience, they don't have much in the way of imaginations either. It's why The Castle That Never Was is so insufferably silent. Axel _has_ to be the annoying one, the talkative one, just to combat that silence—just to stay sane. All the others just live in that silence, moving through it like the Nobodies they are. Demyx is the only other one who—like Axel—can't stand the silence, knows there has to be something _more. _Demyx combats it with his music, but even Demyx can't see things in clouds. He worries too much.

Axel starts laughing.

Roxas looks back at him, annoyed. "What? I'm telling you, it's a cat. What the hell is so funny?"

Axel is still laughing. It's kind of funny. He hasn't felt this amused in awhile. He hasn't _felt_ in awhile. They tell him he can't feel—no heart and all that. Axel wonders, sometimes.

"You're interesting."

Roxas huffs; Axel thinks he sees his face redden.

"You're weird," he says, and doesn't look up after that.

-------

"Axel. Axel!"

Axel jolts awake. "Not the pudding!"

"P—what? You fell asleep, you jackass!" Axel looks up to see an angry Roxas standing over him. He looks past Roxas to the sky; the sun is setting over Twilight Town, and the sky has turned that dark, purplish color of evening.

"I didn't fall asleep," Axel says, sitting up. "It's the heat. I passed out. I might have heatstroke, you know. You should be more concerned."

"It's late," Roxas says obviously, turning away. "When are we supposed to be back?"

Axel stretches and yawns. "Hmm. After sunset, they said. Give it a half an hour, I say." He gets to his feet and hears something crack in his spine. "Ow. See anything?"

"Just these three kids running around," Roxas says, sitting back on the edge of the roof. "My age. At least I think so."

Axel joins him at the edge. Over the roofs of the other houses they can just see three teens conversing at the end of an alley. Two boys, one a bit chubby, and a girl with brown hair. The third seems to be their leader and has spiky blond hair.

"Ah, to be young and still have a heart," Axel muses.

Roxas is watching them with an expression Axel can't read. "I wish I knew whether I really lived here or not."

"Well, if you want to get technical, you _were_ born here."

Roxas doesn't answer. Axel supposes Roxas wasn't really talking to him, anyway. They both watch as the trio of kids leave the alley and head for home. The sun falls lower in the sky, bleeding its orange light into the gathering clouds.

"Hey," Roxas says suddenly. "What's that?"

He points down to the street below. Axel looks; a small, insect-like Heartless is scuttling through the shadows of the buildings, stopping every few feet to look around.

"Heartless," Axel says lazily, lying back down on the roof. "If there's just one, we don't have to bother with it."

"Then what about that one? Is that a Heartless?"

Axel yawns again. "If it's got that little heart emblem, kid, it's a Heartless. Those bug ones aren't even worth our time."

"That one's not a bug, though."

"Eh?"

"It's big. It's all round and stuff. Like a beach ball."

"Don't say beach to me," Axel says, but then he thinks about what Roxas just said. "Big and round?"

"There's more…different kinds…a whole bunch of the bug ones and three round ones and—hey!" Axel cuts him off by moving his head out of the way.

Heartless are streaming out of two of the alleys just below. There's dozens of them.

"You know, just saying 'there's about a hundred zillion Heartless all over the place down there' would have gotten my attention faster," Axel says, frowning at the mass of Heartless. There shouldn't be this many, not in Twilight Town. "Well, time to show off your Nobody mettle, new fish."

Axel leaps off the roof and lands cat-like on the pavement. Heartless spot him immediately and move in to investigate. Roxas lands beside him.

"I don't have a weapon," Roxas says, looking nervous.

"You need to _summon_ it, shorty."

"_How?"_

"Better figure it out quickly," Axel says with a malevolent grin as the first Heartless get up the courage to attack.

He raises one hand as if to block them and calls on his fire. The world heats up around him and the air itself bursts into flame. Heartless sizzle and disappear in a puff of smoke and shadow. The others wise up and pull back, reorganizing.

"The hell—how did you—?" The kid sounds like he just saw Axel pull rabbits out of his ears.

"Sweet, huh? They don't call me the Flurry of Dancing Flames for nothing." Axel says, and wastes no time. He thrusts both arms out and calls the fire again. He feels warm metal through his gloves and curls his fingers around it until he can feel the weight, the solidness of his weapons. Ah, yes. He loves these chakrams. Lots of pointy ends, lots of fire. They suit him. He spins them around his fingers and looks toward Roxas, grinning like a madman.

"Show me what you're made of, shorty."

He doesn't hear Roxas's response, because then the Heartless surge forward again, a tidal wave of darkness, and Axel almost gets swallowed up.

Axel hates Heartless. They _made _him. They're the ones who stole his heart and left him as a shell, a nothing with a constant ache to remind him of what he lost. Axel doesn't mind the pain, or even the loss of his ability to feel.

It's the silence he hates.

So there's a certain pleasure in destroying them.

"Bring it on, baby!" he whoops and spins with his chakrams, catching Heartless as they leap for him. Fire writhes like snakes around him, lashing out to devour the dark monsters. They don't stand a chance between the fire and the whirling chakrams, but there's a surprising number of them, and they come in waves.

So much for cracks in the boundaries of the world. Does this mean the corridors of darkness have opened even here?

But fighting isn't conducive to thinking, so Axel saves that detail for another day. He lets go of the chakrams and they whip around him as if they have minds of their own, like fiery saw blades. The smaller Heartless try to crawl under Axel's defense so he lights the pavement on fire. It spreads out in ringlets, twisting and weaving to catch each sneaking Heartless.

_They just keep coming._ Axel catches the chakrams and spins, the blades slicing through their dark bodies before they can overwhelm him.

There's a shout from somewhere behind him. _The kid—I forgot!_

Axel whirls around, knocking some Heartless out of the way. "Roxas!"

But then he freezes. He forgets about the Heartless. He forgets about everything.

Roxas is fighting, and he's fighting _well._ He's beating back the Heartless as if they're as insubstantial as air, spinning and twirling and jumping like a dancer in a mad ballet. There's an effortless grace about him, as if he's done this a thousand times and made an art form of it. That's what it is, Axel decides. It's like an art.

Roxas is also using a Keyblade.

A _Keyblade._

Roxas obliterates a whole cluster of the smaller Heartless and he finally looks up at Axel. His blue eyes widen.

"Axel, look out!"

That's when Axel notices the shadow that has fallen over him. He looks up to see a Large Body Heartless raising its arms over him, both hands clenched into one hammer-like fist.

"Oh—"

Axel raises his chakrams as the Heartless smashes downward with the force of a meteor. The impact brings him to his knees where the pavement cracks, but he just manages to keep himself from being crushed. His chakrams are embedded in the Heartless's arms; it's all Axel can do to keep his weapons raised. The Heartless is slowly pushing him down.

_Okay, now I'm pissed._

He grits his teeth against the pain and prepares to call the fire, but then a whistling sound reaches his ears. He looks up to see the Keyblade spinning through the air like a boomerang. It strikes the Heartless full in the face, and the Heartless stumbles backward, releasing Axel. He springs out of the way as Roxas darts behind the Large Body to catch his Keyblade and finish it off with two lightning-fast slashes. The monster dissolves into darkness.

Roxas stands up straight and looks at Axel. He's not even winded.

"You _fail,"_ he says. "Can't even watch your own back."

Axel stares at him.

"How come you have a Keyblade!"

"What?" Roxas looks at the weapon in his hands. "You mean this?"

"No, the _other_ giant key," Axel snaps, not feeling particularly generous. "How did you get a Keyblade? There's only supposed to be _one_ Keyblade Master. How can you have one?"

"What's so special about it?"

_He doesn't know! I can't believe it! How can he not know? Who the hell is this guy?_

There's a hissing sound behind Roxas and the boy turns, but not before Axel sends his chakram flying. The weapon slices through the Heartless sneaking up on Roxas and then returns to its owner like a hawk.

"No time now," Axel says, wincing. For every Heartless they've destroyed, two more have come. There's a sea of darkness surrounding the two Nobodies. He shoots Roxas a grin. "Let's finish off these bastards."

For the first time, Roxas grins back at him.

-------

Axel is exhausted. He's breathing hard and he's leaving little particles of darkness behind every time he takes a step. Nobodies don't bleed, but dissolving is just as painful. He needs to get some rest soon or he could be in real trouble.

Not that he cares right now. There are more important things to worry about.

"So explain it to me," he says, trying not to sound as tired as he feels. "How did you get that Keyblade?"

Roxas shrugs. The kid isn't injured at all. He doesn't even look like he's just walked away from a battle with what was probably about a hundred Heartless. He looks like he's coming back from a stroll in the park or something.

_He's making me look bad,_ Axel thinks, and he's glad no one's around to see them. They're walking through the castle to the Superior's office; most of the others are out on missions.

_Though that was pretty awesome. Shorty's a better fighter than I thought._

"I don't know. I had it when I woke up," Roxas answers. He gives Axel his piercing look. "Why does it matter? You pretty much froze up when you saw it. What's so important?"

"The Keyblade is like—it's like an anti-Heartless or something. Its entire purpose is to destroy Heartless and release the hearts they've stolen. So when the time comes that Heartless are coming in out of the darkness and threatening things, it chooses a bearer to wield the Keyblade and save the world and stuff."

Roxas actually stops short. _Aw, come on, kid, let's just get to Xemnas before I fade completely._

The kid gives Axel a calculating look. "You're telling me this thing wants me to save the world?"

"Nah, it's already got some other schmuck for the job. Some kid." Axel scratches his head. "Can't remember the name. He's been running around for awhile now, killing Heartless and locking the worlds. That's the thing, though, there's only _one_ Keyblade, just a bunch of different Keyblade incarnations. Since the hero-guy's already got it—well, it doesn't make any _sense_ for you to have it."

Roxas looks upset. He stares down at his gloved hands and says nothing.

"Of course, it doesn't make any sense that _we_ exist at all, so there you go," Axel says in an offhand kind of way. He's tired of seeing the kid look so troubled. Roxas is too interesting for Axel to let him get depressed. "But the Keyblade chose you for some reason or another, so I guess that's a good thing."

Roxas doesn't answer, and for a long time he doesn't move. Then finally he keeps walking, burying his hands in his pockets. Axel sighs and trails after him, leaving dust in his wake.

-------

"You blindsided me on this one, Boss," Axel says, leaning on the Superior's desk. For support as much as out of anger. He's still leaking darkness, but right now he doesn't care. Roxas has gone back to his room, leaving Axel with the Superior. "You coulda told me he had a Keyblade."

"So it wasn't a fluke, when I saw him fight the first time," Xemnas says, folding his fingers beneath his chin. "I'm glad I decided to keep him."

"You do know what this could mean?" Axel demands. "Two Keyblade Masters? Or is the Keyblade siding with the Nobodies?"

"The Keyblade is forever against those without hearts, and Nobodies count among those. Who knows? It could mean anything. I do, however, have a theory about Number Thirteen and his Keyblade."

_Of course you have a theory,_ Axel thinks, trying not to show his frustration. _You always have a theory. And of course you're not going to tell us what the hell your theory is._

"I want you to keep an eye on him, Number Eight," the Superior continues. "Make sure that he develops his skill with the Keyblade. Whether the weapon is truly on our side doesn't matter; the hearts it releases will still go straight to Kingdom Hearts." The Superior gives a little chuckle. "I think it'll be interesting to see what happens, don't you?"

_I hate you,_ Axel thinks. _What do you know, you bastard?_

"Interesting," he says. "Yeah."

Xemnas leans back in his chair. "Go tend to your wounds, Number Eight. You're getting darkness on my desk."

-----------------------------------------------------------------

I actually _like_ writing action scenes, because the whole thing plays out in my head, but then I also tend to leave things out. The scene might seem a bit disconnected, and if so, sorry!

Chapter Three, huh? The plot thickens! Foreshadowing and allusions and clues, oh my! Thanks again to those who've reviewed, I hope you continue to read and like my story. It should get more interesting from here on out!


	4. Freaks Like Us

**Disclaimer:** KH2 and its characters belong to their creators. I've said this before, haven't I?

-------------------------------------------------

Not That I Care

4

Freaks Like Us

_Nothing from nowhere,_

_I'm no one at all._

_--AFI_

Roxas slashes his Keyblade through the last of the Heartless and watches the tiny pink hearts float up into the blue. Two weeks with the Organization, and this is his tenth mission—his first one alone.

_I think I'm getting the hang of this._

For awhile the only way to call the Keyblade to his hand was for Roxas to be under duress, like when Heartless were about to chomp. Now he doesn't even have to think about it; the Keyblade appears whenever he wants it to. The fighting, though, is another thing entirely. It's strange, how easily it comes to him, what a simple matter it is to destroy a handful of Heartless, no matter the kind or how many there are. From watching Axel and the others he knows it _shouldn't_ be that easy.

That must mean something, but for the life of him he can't remember.

Roxas scans the area, his eyes lingering on the nooks and shadowed areas as he's learned to do—the places Heartless like to hide. He heaves a sigh; they're gone.

"So much for that other Keyblade Master doing his job," Roxas mutters to himself. "This many Heartless still around—" But then he cuts himself off and smacks his forehead. _Dammit! Now I'm talking to myself too! The Superior was right, he's rubbing off on me. Shit._

Roxas looks down at the Keyblade in his hands. Ever since Axel told him about the weapon's power, Roxas has practically lived in the library, reading everything he can about it. As near as he can figure, the existence of two Keyblades isn't unheard of—but incredibly rare. A long time ago there was supposedly a time when hundreds of Keyblades existed at the same time, though the author didn't have much information on that. In any case, it usually only happens when something is very wrong in the universe.

_Lucky me._

He doesn't want to be the odd one out; he doesn't want to be the special one. Not among a crowd like Organization Thirteen. What he wants is to blend in—to not be noticed. The Keyblade makes him the unicorn in the horse pen.

He immediately hates himself for thinking of that analogy.

The Keyblade disappears in his hands, returning to wherever it is that the weapon returns to. Roxas looks to the sky once more and then waves his hand, opening a dark portal. These were tricky to manage in the beginning—the first portal he opened ended up out in space. Axel will probably never let him forget that one.

Roxas steps into the darkness and travels through the black until he can sense his destination, like white noise in his mind. Light pours in and he steps out on a wide balcony in the castle that Roxas sometimes catches himself referring to as "home."

"Oh, hey Roxas!" says a cheery voice. Roxas looks behind him to see Demyx, sitting on a ledge with his sitar, two cups beside him. "You survived your first solo mission, huh?"

"Evidently," Roxas answers.

Demyx turns a knob to tune his instrument and plucks the string, listening. "I remember my first mission alone," he says, chuckling. "I hate fighting. I totally screwed up, got overrun with Heartless. Axel had to come rescue me."

Roxas has to snort at that. "You trusted _Axel_ to watch your back?" When they're on missions together, Roxas always tries to pretend that Axel simply isn't there. For that at least, Roxas is glad of his own skills—they mean he doesn't need to worry about Axel letting him down.

Demyx laughs heartily and ruffles his yellow mohawk. "Hell no! He was just the only one who bothered to come." Demyx plucks a string again and the sound echoes across the balcony. His smile fades somewhat. "The guys here don't really stick their necks out for each other."

Roxas folds his arms and looks away. "And that surprises you?" It doesn't surprise Roxas. He suspects that even before they lost their hearts, the members of Organization Thirteen weren't the humanitarian kind.

For awhile Demyx doesn't answer, but then he plays a chord on his sitar. _He could be good, _Roxas thinks,_ but why a sitar?_

"Dude, check this out," Demyx says. Roxas turns back to him. Demyx grins and nods at the two cups beside him. One is filled with water.

Demyx starts to play. Roxas has to hand it to him—for someone with no heart, he puts a lot of feeling into his music. He enjoys it; he loves it; though Roxas wonders how that is possible. His sitar makes the air in the balcony sing.

The cup with the water begins to shudder. As Roxas watches, the water rises out of it in a dancing, snake-like figure. It spirals upward, coiling and twisting, until the last drop has left the cup. Demyx's eyes are closed, intent on his music. The snake of water rises further and arcs through the air until it's over the empty cup. Then it slithers on down and drops in with a splash. Demyx's song finishes and he opens his eyes, grinning.

"Neat, huh?" he says, looking Roxas's way. "Not a drop spilled."

Roxas allows a faint smirk. "Yeah," he says. "Pretty cool." _If he hadn't become a Nobody, he'd probably be in some college band, picking up chicks. _Roxas shakes his head at the thought. No point in "ifs."

"I'd think you'd have more important things to do than play around, Demyx."

The color goes out of Demyx's face as if a vampire has him by the throat. Roxas looks over his shoulder. Saïx appears out of nowhere, arms folded across his chest, his scarred face deadpan. He glances at Roxas, then his wintry gaze returns to Demyx.

"Saïx," Demyx says in a strangled voice. "I was just—"

"Neglecting your research to play with cups of water," Saïx says, advancing on him. "I can see that."

"Zexion let me go early," Demyx tries to explain, though even Roxas knows that there's no explaining with Saïx. "I mean, it's late now, and we hadn't made much progress, so, um—I just thought, um, I mean—"

"You're saying you have some free time?" Saïx comes to a stop just before him, still speaking in that incredibly soft voice. Demyx is leaning backward, clutching his sitar to his chest as if that will protect him.

"I…"

"The Hall of Empty Melodies needs cleaning," Saïx says, straightening. "Do me a favor and clean it for me. I'll be very angry if I find it anything but spotless tomorrow, Demyx."

"Right, of course. Going." Demyx opens a shadow portal and all but dives straight in.

Roxas knows he isn't supposed to feel _anything,_ but he's pretty sure that he hates Saïx. This is only the second time they've met, but Roxas is starting to get the feeling that Saïx has been watching him. The older Nobody has a cruel streak a mile wide and the disposition of a jackal with the scent of blood in its nostrils. The target of his cruelty is usually Demyx, Marluxia or Axel or, most recently, Roxas. And he's not like Larxene, who's only nasty when she has the opportunity—Saïx goes out of his way to _make _the opportunity. According to Axel, before he became a Nobody, Saïx was some kind of serial killer.

Axel likes to exaggerate, but Roxas wonders if it's very far from the truth.

"I should be going as well," Roxas says coolly. "Xemnas will be waiting for my report."

Roxas walks past him but then Saïx grabs him by the hood.

"Hold on there, Roxas," he says. "I'd like a word with you."

Roxas doesn't look back at him. He stays as still as possible.

"What word?"

Saïx chuckles. Roxas has trouble recognizing the sound as one of humor. Saïx gives Roxas's hood a tug, making him turn. Roxas looks up at him, keeping his face blank.

"I'm worried about your…_attitude_ problem," he says with a horrid little smirk. "It seems to me that you're starting to become like Axel and Larxene."

_Who's to say I haven't always been this way, you nut-job? _"Axel is just a nuisance," Roxas says. "And I don't hang out with Larxene."

"Then why do you spend so much time in the library these days?"

Roxas fixes him with his most piercing glare. "I like books. Is that a crime?"

Saïx smiles down at him. _Damn_ him for being taller! "You see? You are of _exactly_ the same breed as Larxene and Axel. Defiant. Irreverent." Saïx begins to circle him, slowly. Rather like a shark. "I _hate_ your breed."

"I'm sorry about that," Roxas says, though he isn't. "If you hate me then why are we having this conversation?"

"You think you're different, don't you?"

Roxas blinks, confused. Saïx rounds in front of him and looks him in the eye. Most people don't like to look others in the eye. Most people don't like to be _looked_ in the eye. Saïx either doesn't care or never learned that particular social norm.

"All this reading you've been doing on the Keyblade," Saïx continues when Roxas doesn't answer. "And your memories, or…lack thereof. Your aloof, defiant demeanor. You believe yourself to be different from the rest of us Nobodies."

"I don't," Roxas says, and his voice comes out soft. _It's not that I think I'm different…I just…I just want to understand…why…_

Saïx leans close and the space where Roxas's heart should be seems to tighten.

"Denial is unbecoming, Roxas. You do believe it. You believe you're _special."_ Saïx smirks again, that smirk that looks like something you'd see on a fox in a chicken coop. "And you're right, Roxas. You _are_ different. You're not like the rest of us."

"You're wrong," Roxas says sharply. "There's nothing special about me."

"I didn't say special. I said different. I said not like us." Saïx leans into Roxas's ear. "You're a _freak."_

Something hot stirs in Roxas's belly. His hands ball into fists. An image flashes through his head of one of those fists connecting with Saïx's face.

"You see, a freak knows how to recognize another freak," Saïx whispers. "You're just like me. You're not like them. You'll try to belong here, but you won't. You never will, Roxas. As much as freaks like us try—we never belong. It doesn't matter where we go, who we're with. We _never…_belong."

Roxas manages to keep his eyes on Saïx's face, though suddenly his insides feel like his heart. Nonexistent.

"Are we done?"

Saïx puts on a smile that you could mistake for being real. Almost. "Absolutely." He pulls away and stands up straight. "We wouldn't want to keep the Superior waiting, would we?"

Roxas doesn't answer. He turns his back on Saïx and hurries off into the empty, silent halls of the castle.

_We never…belong._

-------

"We always get the hot places, don't we? You think the Superior is trying to off us? I could understand if it was just _me…_but you haven't done anything to piss him off. Yet. But really—Agrabah? I like _sand,_ but this is ridiculous." Axel pauses. "So there I was, alone with these _three_ _prostitutes,_ total hotties by the way, all three wearing thongs, and they just—"

"Wait—what?" Roxas blinks, shaking himself back to reality.

Axel grins and pokes Roxas in the head. "Just making sure you were listening. You seem preoccupied."

"Why should I listen to some dumbass talk to himself?" Roxas snaps, shoving his hands in his pockets and stepping away from Axel. He has sand in his boots. This is his first time to Agrabah and already he hates it here.

Axel comes to a stop. "Okay. So who shoved the stick up your ass?"

Roxas glares at him over his shoulder. "Is it physically possible for you to shut up?"

"You've been cranky all morning. Not that you _slept_ last night, I could hear you plodding all around the halls, freaking Bigfoot. Lexaeus is quieter." Axel gives him a sympathetic look. "Is it that time of the month?"

"Just—leave me alone, will you? Can we get this stupid mission over with?" Roxas keeps walking. Axel trots to keep up with him.

"So did something happen on your solo mission last night?"

"I told you, it went fine."

"Then did something happen _after_ your mission last night?"

Roxas comes to a stop, narrowing his eyes as he looks around. "Something's wrong."

"Damn right something's wrong. You're an easy read, Roxas. A bitch ninety percent of the time, only _über-bitchy_ when—"

"No, shut up a second," Roxas says, holding up a hand. "Where is everyone?"

The streets of Agrabah are completely empty. The shutters and doors of the houses are shut tight; all the booths and carts in the bazaar have been abandoned. Roxas knows enough to know street vendors wouldn't just disappear and leave their wares behind. Unless something were very wrong.

Axel finally seems to notice. "This is the bazaar," he says, looking the place over. "It should be packed. I've never seen it this empty."

They stand in silence for a moment, looking every which way. A breeze tosses some sand against the walls of the buildings and whistles through the alleys. There isn't a soul around.

"This stinks of Heartless," Roxas says, calling his weapon to his hand. Axel does the same.

"Hey, Roxas? Is it getting darker, or is it just me?"

Roxas looks skyward. Darkness is spreading across the sky like an angry storm, as if night has decided to ignore the laws of physics. The sun is dimming as Roxas watches.

Axel laughs. "It's like a horror movie. This is the part where we hear some crashing sound down an alley and we freak out and scream like little girls until the innocent little kitty comes running out of a trashcan. And then we relax and _then_ the guy with the chainsaw comes and turns us into hamburger."

As if on cue, there's a loud crack of thunder like a bomb going off from somewhere up ahead. Roxas and Axel look at each other.

"Okay…so not a kitty."

Roxas takes off running, Keyblade in hand.

"Roxas, wait!" Axel calls, chasing him. "You know, the blonde idiot always dies first in the horror movie!"

"This isn't a horror movie, Axel!"

They round a corner and Roxas skids to a stop; Axel almost crashes into him. In the street before them, towering over the buildings, is a monster. It's the largest Heartless Roxas has ever seen, seemingly carved from the darkest night, with long arms and clawed hands and not much in the way of feet. There's a gaping hole in its chest; Roxas can see buildings on the other side. Darkness swirls in a vortex beneath it and Shadow Heartless scuttle around near the monster's drooping hands like tiny, insect-like offspring. Tendrils of darkness like coils of hair wave about the thing's head. Its glowing, yellow eyes are big enough that Roxas could probably fit in one.

Roxas feels Axel's hand on his shoulder.

"You, uh, sure about that?" he asks, his voice like stone.

"What…what the hell…is it?" Roxas breathes. The head is turning their way. The yellow eyes are settling on the two, tiny Nobodies with their tiny weapons. Roxas suddenly feels very insignificant.

And very afraid.

"A Darkside," Axel says shortly, walking past Roxas. "One of the—ah—bigger kinds of Heartless. What one is doing here…I mean, this world was locked."

Roxas stares at the monster Heartless. As he watches it makes a low sound and takes a step toward them. A cluster of Shadows start charging down the street.

"So what do we do?" Roxas asks, holding his Keyblade at the ready.

"We could run away, I suppose. The Superior would understand. Those who fight and run away and all that."

"Go ahead, then" Roxas says, taking a step forward. "Run away."

Roxas charges the Shadow Heartless with a yell. They hit him like a wave, but he plows straight through the mass of darkness, swinging his Keyblade. Several of them dissolve into nothing. He spins once in place and takes out as many more as he can, scattering the rest. The path is clear to Darkside. Roxas runs forward as Darkside aims a massive fist at him and he takes a flying leap. They meet in midair and Roxas slashes once across the monster's hand. Darkside has less give than other Heartless, as if it's made of more than just darkness—Roxas is caught off guard. He spins and lands, feet spread for balance. Darkside makes another low, groaning sound and pulls backward, slowly, very slowly, as if it has all the time in the world.

Shadows swarm up out of the vortex of darkness. Roxas spins, slashing and kicking. Darkside takes a step forward so that it's standing just above him.

The whole world is dark as night now, but then there's a flash of fire. Shadows hiss and vanish as a wave of flame sweeps low over the sand, catching the tendrils of darkness that make up Darkside's feet.

Axel appears next to Roxas, slicing his chakram through two Shadows. Roxas snorts in derision.

"I thought you were running away with your tail between your legs."

"And let you have all the fun?" Axel says with that wicked grin of his. "I think not." He spins his chakrams and looks up at the Heartless high above them. "Go for the hands. I've got some Assassin Nobodies on the way to deal with the smaller ones. Focus on Darkside."

"Yeah, yeah."

At that moment Darkside suddenly quickens, punching downward with the speed of a car on collision course. Axel and Roxas jump apart and the fist comes down between them. Darkness opens up beneath the fist and Shadows crawl out, sliding flat to the sand toward the two Nobodies. Assassins leap up between them and lay into the Shadows, scattering darkness.

Axel throws both chakrams at Darkside's hand, where they spin like wheels of flame, slashing at the wrist and knuckles. Roxas takes a flying leap over the fighting Shadows and Assassins and makes a slicing motion for Darkside's wrist. The Keyblade sinks deep, turning the sand black with spilled darkness.

Darkside extracts its hand from the pool of shadows and sweeps its hand as if to brush Axel and Roxas away. Roxas dives to the side and hits the sand hard, but Axel catches a glancing blow and goes flying. Roxas hears him land with an _uff._

"Axel!"

Roxas can't see where Axel landed. He slashes through a Shadow that escaped the Assassins and rushes past Darkside, but then the monster groans and goes down on its knees as if wounded. Roxas stops and looks up at it, confused.

_Is it dying? Did we win?_

There's a low hum and the hair on Roxas's arms stands up, even under his coat. Roxas takes a step backward.

A blast of dark energy leaves Darkside's chest and splits into orbs of black, all of which shoot straight for Roxas. He jumps out of the way to avoid one, but then the remaining orbs bend in the air, as if homing in on him. He jumps again, again, again and—

—the back of Darkside's hand slaps Roxas away as if he's an annoying fly.

Roxas is thrown backward and collides with a street vendor's abandoned urn. The urn shatters and Roxas rolls head over heels until he comes to a stop against a crate.

For a moment Roxas slumps against the crate, dazed. He shakes his head and tries to get up, but pain shoots through his leg and he lets out a yelp. He looks down to see a shard of the clay urn embedded in his thigh. Roxas's stomach turns over.

He grits his teeth and yanks the shard out, tossing it away. Darkness like black blood is spreading from the wound.

Darkside is advancing on him.

_Get up, get up, fight him, get up, you're going to die, get-up-get-up-get-up-get-up!_

Roxas braces his arms behind him, trying to push himself up to no avail. Darkside takes a final thundering step and thrusts a hand forward with that sudden, terrible speed, claws outstretched.

No time.

Roxas lifts his Keyblade in feeble defense and his eyes squeeze shut.

There's a sound. Kind of a dull _thunk,_ like stabbing a melon. Roxas waits for the pain, but it doesn't come.

_I'm…alive…?_

Roxas cracks his eyes open. The first thing he sees is the color red. Which makes no sense, because he's a Nobody, he doesn't bleed red, and then he realizes it's not blood, it's hair, which also makes no sense until he remembers who has hair that color, and that's when the world grinds to a halt.

Axel is standing between Roxas and Darkside. His head is lolling against his chest. Darkside's claws are buried in his back. One claw has pierced all the way through his shoulder.

He isn't moving.

"Oh my God…" Roxas manages. The place where his heart was is caving in on itself. This can't be happening.

Axel coughs once and raises his head. Roxas lets out a gasp, relief flooding his veins. _Alive! He's alive! _

Axel smirks at Roxas.

"Nope," he says. "Axel. _Axel."_

Darkside pulls backward and Axel slides off its claws with a groan. He falls to his knees. Darkness spills to the ground and drips from Darkside's claws, vanishing into dust.

"Axel…" Roxas scrambles forward, ignoring the pain in his leg. "Axel!"

"There, see? Not hard to remember. Though 'God,' that's pretty cool too." He winces and clutches his shoulder. "You know, I think that bastard…_stabbed_ me. Do me a favor, go kill it for me."

"But you're…" Roxas doesn't want to say it, doesn't want to think it.

"Don't worry about me," Axel says, his tone sharp. "What the hell, we're not _capable_ of worry. You've got a job to do, shorty."

The ground shakes as Darkside takes another step. It starts to lower itself to its knees again.

Roxas stands and lifts his Keyblade, gritting his teeth against the pain. Darkside fixes its glowing eyes on him and Roxas glares right back, blue against yellow. Darkside makes a groaning sound; there's a low hum.

A blast of dark energy leaves Darkside's chest. Roxas raises his Keyblade, holding it in both hands. The blast streaks toward him.

"Eat this, you _bastard!" _Roxas yells and swings the Keyblade as if swinging a bat. The weapon connects with the dark energy and the shock nearly breaks Roxas's arms. The blast rockets back, arcing high. Darkside is too slow to dodge. The energy hits it square in the face.

Darkside lets out a dull roar and tumbles backward, dissolving before it even hits the ground. The impact shakes the whole desert; darkness explodes upward and showers back down, disappearing into nothing along with Darkside.

The sun comes back almost immediately and the Shadows flee the stinging rays. The Assassin Nobodies flicker and disappear. A breeze scatters the last particles of darkness and the streets again fall silent.

Roxas heaves a sigh and plants his Keyblade into the ground to hold himself up.

"Hit that one outta the park!" Axel laughs weakly. "Regular Babe Ruth."

Roxas turns himself around to look at Axel. The red-head is slumped against a wall; darkness is falling from him like black sand.

"You idiot," Roxas says, forcing himself to stand up and walk forward. "You _idiot!"_

Roxas throws the Keyblade down.

"What the hell is the matter with you?" he yells. His leg finally gives out and he falls to the ground, though his glare never leaves Axel's face. "Why would you do something like that?"

Axel gives a weary smile. "I don't know," he says. "I wasn't thinking."

"You _never_ think! You could have…" Roxas trails off and grits his teeth. He looks away furiously. "Why'd you have to go and do something like that? We're Nobodies! We're not supposed to stick our necks out for each other! And why—why _me? _Why would you do that for a, for a _freak_ like me?"

"A freak?" Axel laughs, then cuts himself off as he winces in pain. "If you're a freak, what does that make me? _I'm_ the guy who just got himself impaled without even knowing what for or why. We're all freaks."

There's still that caving-in feeling, crushing the breath from Roxas's lungs. "Shut up."

"For a guy who just had his _ass_ saved, you're showing an awful lot of gratitude. Hmph. Kids these days, so ungrateful. I could be dying, you know. I just got freaking _stabbed,_ I really could be dy—"

"Shut _up!"_ Roxas snaps, clenching his fists around the sand. He doesn't want to think about it. He doesn't want to think about Axel dying. For some reason, the thought frightens him. Which makes no sense. Not long ago he was sure he didn't give a damn about Axel. And how can someone with no heart feel fear?

But that's what it is: it's fear.

For awhile there's silence, then, "I'm not ungrateful."

Axel grins at Roxas and then drags himself up off the ground. "And _I'm_ not dying." He grips the wall and pulls himself to his feet, wincing the whole time. He looks down at Roxas. "How 'bout you?"

"I'll live," Roxas says, avoiding his gaze.

"So we're okay then," Axel says cheerfully. He grips a stack of crates with one hand and reaches down to Roxas with the other.

Roxas looks at the hand as if confused. Then he takes it and Axel pulls Roxas to his feet.

"Yeah," Roxas answers.

Axel heaves a sigh and slings an arm around Roxas's shoulders. For once Roxas doesn't mind.

"I hate Agrabah and I _hate_ Darksides," Axel says. "Can we go home now?"

Roxas smiles, and for the first time since he woke up in Twilight Town, he laughs. Axel laughs with him.

------------------------------------------

Jeez, it got violent there, didn't it? I _really_ hope that doesn't warrant an M rating; would be kind of sad if it did (F--- you, FCC).

Sorry, Saïx fans. I don't like Saïx, and I imagine torturing everyone else is something he'd do. (What? No, that's not—Don't go there! Do _not_ go there! _There_ is a place that will make your eyes bleed and your brain melt! And I don't have brain bleach on hand! Sheesh, people. -shudders-). I think he's IC though, but feel free to tell me if he isn't. As for Demyx, I'm not trying to paint him as a coward, just the kind of guy who keeps his head down—which is kind of how I pictured him in the game. So I hope he doesn't come off as a coward. He'll have some moments later, don't worry!

And that's Chapter Four. Looks like their friendship is finally starting to blossom!

Feedback is candy for my soul.

(By the way, it's been awhile since I fought a Darkside—if anything's off, please let me know.)


	5. Sweeter Than Pain

**Disclaimer:** KH and all that stuff belongs to Nomura-san. Heh, this is getting repetitive…

-------------------------------------------------------------

Not That I Care

5

Sweeter Than Pain

_Is this the real life?_

_Is this just fantasy?_

_--Queen_

It's not like Axel _wanted_ to do it.

Well, okay, that doesn't make sense. He had to _want_ to do it, otherwise he wouldn't have done it. But then again, he didn't think about _wanting_ to do it any more than he thought about the actual _execution_ of the "it." They tell him he hardly ever thinks about what he does, and most of the time he's inclined to agree with them. Like flipping mashed potatoes in Xaldin's face that one time—he certainly didn't _think_ about doing it. That just kind of _happened,_ to everyone's lasting dismay.

The problem is, the Potato Incident didn't _mean_ anything. This, though—yeah, this _means_ something. Saving lives with total disregard for his own; how can that not mean something? The thing with Demyx, that doesn't really count. The poor guy was totally swamped with Heartless—there were lots of them, but they were the lower-level types, so a quick mini-firestorm set things straight. No danger to Axel at all. Plus, Demyx didn't deserve to eat it so soon in the game. Neither did Roxas, Axel supposes, and maybe that has something to do with it.

Though it's still not the same.

Pondering this is making Axel's head hurt as much as the rest of him. After a long nap and some bandages and a lot of painkillers, death is no longer a threat—but wounds like that don't heal in a day.

_At least I have coffee,_ Axel thinks, staring into the black liquid and absently rubbing his shoulder. It's late afternoon—though who really gives a damn, it's always night here. The cafeteria is empty. Axel likes it here. It's quiet, which sucks, but it's got food, and no one ever comes in here to bother him, except to eat. When the rest of them need some alone time, they either go to the labs or the library. Which has never made sense to Axel, since it's not exactly _alone_ time if the rest of the whole damn Organization is with you. Not that Axel cares. Screw the library and screw the labs.

Confusion and pain tend to make Axel rather irritable.

_So why save him? _Axel asks himself again. _Why nearly die to save a guy who doesn't even like me? Not like it matters whether a Nobody lives or dies. 'Cept me, of course, cause really, I'm just too cool to kick the bucket._

Roxas isn't exactly anything special. Well, yeah, he inexplicably has his own Keyblade, he's a Nobody with no memory of who he once was, he fights like he was _born_ to kill Heartless and, really, his eyes are really quite lovely when you overlook the fact that—well—he's a guy. All that is good and interesting. But he's as cold and distant as the rest of them, and his attitude is really _irritating._ The Superior says they're a lot alike, but Axel only sees it in that wicked grin Roxas gets sometimes when he's fighting. And in his defiance. He's like a cat; one of the ones that ignores you and pees on the rug and leaves dead mice on your kitchen floor.

Though even cats come around when they need to be fed. Maybe that's it. Everyone has a weakness; a flaw; a need. Roxas tries so hard to hide his, that little crack in his shell—his uncertainty and confusion and pain. He pretends that the amnesia thing doesn't bother him, but Axel doesn't miss the look he gets when Roxas is thinking about it; he doesn't miss the fact that Roxas wanders the halls at night, as if searching for something he has misplaced. He uses his distant, defiant attitude as a shield—hides inside himself. Axel is the same way. He understands.

_How very dramatic,_ Axel thinks and drains his coffee. _Poor, sad little Nobodies._

Axel tosses the mug against a wall and smiles at the sound effect. He likes the sound of breaking. He likes noise.

"What did the mug ever do to you?"

Axel looks over his shoulder, which makes him wince, and sees Roxas leaning against the doorframe. He has abandoned the Organization coat—for once—and is back in the white and black clothes.

"It insulted me," Axel says in an indignant, girly tone. "It called me _fat."_

Roxas raises an eyebrow, something Axel tries to do in the mirror when no one's looking. Roxas makes it look easy, damn him.

"'Anorexic' would be closer to the truth," Roxas says. "Do you _ever_ eat?"

It occurs to Axel that this is the first time Roxas has ever come to _him_ to talk. Usually Axel has to hunt Roxas down. This is an interesting change.

_Cats always come around eventually, _Axel thinks. _I should nearly die more often._

"I eat plenty," Axel says. "You shouldn't insult your savior, you know, you'll upset my wounds."

Axel is pleased to see Roxas's eyes go distant at that.

"I see you've survived, though," he points out.

"I'm Axel," Axel says, as if that explains it.

Roxas is watching him with that look, the look he gave Axel when he realized Axel had Darkside claws in him.

"Listen—"

"Don't."

The last thing Axel wants is for the kid to go all mushy on him. Axel saved his life, period. He doesn't want to think about it anymore. Roxas stares at him for awhile, and Axel stares back, but eventually Roxas just shrugs.

"Heads up," Roxas says, walking into the cafeteria. "I think Xaldin and Xigbar are on their way here. I saw Luxord and Marluxia, too."

_Just what I need,_ Axel thinks, and his mood darkens. Out loud he says, "As long as Vexen, Xemnas and Saïx stay away, I'm good."

Roxas is getting a soda from the fridge and Axel sees him pause, ever so slightly, at the mention of Saïx.

_Thought so,_ Axel thinks, but he says nothing.

Roxas sighs over the contents of the fridge. "Why do we have no real food here?"

"TV dinners _are_ real food."

"They're _plastic_ food."

"We're Nobodies. We can't cook."

Roxas glances up at him before tearing a hole in the plastic cover on the TV dinner and shoving it in the microwave.

"So what can we do?" Roxas asks, staring at the microwave light.

"Kill things," Axel answers. "You shouldn't watch the light, you know, it melts brain cells."

"That's just a myth," Roxas scoffs.

Axel laughs a little, drawing a bemused look from Roxas. This is _conversation_ they're having. It's a conversation about microwave lights and plastic food, but hey, beggars can't be choosers.

"What's funny?" Roxas asks, glaring at Axel.

"Nothing. Anyway, it's not like you have anything to compare it to. The food, I mean. You can't remember anything else."

"Yes," Roxas says in a sharp tone, his gaze returning to the microwave. "I'm aware of that, thank you, Axel."

Axel grins at him, though Roxas isn't looking. The microwave beeps and Roxas reaches in and pokes the food with a spork. He sighs in a way that's almost depressing.

"Undercooked."

"Throw it against the wall."

"Is that your solution for everything?"

"Yes. But really. It's noodles, right? If it sticks, it's done."

Roxas shakes his head and pulls out the meal anyway. "What are you, four?"

"Nineteen, actually," Axel corrects in a mocking tone. But then something occurs to him. "Well, no, wait—I can drink, so I must be twenty-one. At least. Not that that's ever stopped me. I mean, I was nineteen when I was became a Nobody, but that was…"

Roxas sits down with his food and gives Axel that same bemused expression. "You don't know how old you are? That's kind of sad."

"Shut up," Axel snaps. "Neither do you."

Roxas narrows his eyes and starts into the meal, huffing.

Axel groans. This is worrying. "I was nineteen when I got here, so that's…and there's the drinking thing, so I must have been here at least two years, right? But it feels like longer. Three, four years?"

"You tell me," Roxas mutters. He's closed himself off again.

_I can't remember,_ Axel thinks, and he runs his fingers through his hair. _How long has it been? Years, right? But how many?_

"I don't know," Axel says after awhile.

Roxas looks up from chasing around a noodle. "What?"

Axel isn't looking at him. "I don't know how long I've been a Nobody."

_Damn it,_ he thinks. _Freaking pathetic._

"That's not so bad."

Axel looks up at him, confused. Roxas is smiling. He's actually _smiling._ Not the mad little "I'm gonna freaking _kill_ some Heartless, hell yeah!" smirk he gets. A real smile.

"I'd rather remember the real things," Roxas says. He seems to realize that he's looking at Axel and his gaze returns to his food. Though the smile doesn't leave his face. "Emotions. Memories. Family and friends and stuff. I'd rather remember those things than all this." He stops eating and his smile fades. He props his chin on his hand. "Life like this doesn't feel real. Like it's fake. Like something's missing—and it is, literally, I suppose. I don't know. Do you feel that way?"

Axel thinks about the ache in his chest, that constant, annoying little reminder that his mere existence defies reality.

"I don't feel anything, remember?" Axel reminds him. "I get it, though." Axel pauses and then smirks, giving Roxas a pointed look. "So you'd rather forget all this, huh? You'd rather forget allllll about poor Axel. Aw, I feel so loved. So this terrible pain—" Axel rubs his shoulder for effect. "—all for nothing. Axel is always so very unappreciated."

Roxas snorts to conceal a laugh. "I couldn't forget someone like you even if I tried," he says, and taps the side of his head. "You told me to get it memorized, remember? You only freaking _tell_ me four times a day."

"That's right. 'Axel is the coolest, bestest, awesomest—"

"—most annoying—"

"—person I will ever meet.' Commit it to memory."

"What is _with_ you and that catchphrase?" A new voice asks, and Axel turns. Xigbar, Xaldin and Luxord are walking into the cafeteria with Marluxia in tow. Xigbar is watching Axel with an amused look.

_Always in the nick of time. _Axel puts on a grin. "Well, all you old folks are getting so senile, it's my job to remind you of everything, isn't it? Repetition, repetition."

"Really? I always thought it was just 'cause you're a total retard."

"Or a victim of an unfortunate verbal impediment that forces you to say everything twice," Luxord adds.

"Well, you have to admit," Marluxia says, digging his hands into his pockets. "The lot of you aren't exactly, shall we say, _in bloom_ anymore."

"See, even flower-boy agrees with me. And he never agrees with anyone."

Marluxia chuckles a little. He's an odd ball, that one. Always has his opinions, always has new ideas for different directions the Organization might take. It would piss off the higher-ups if it weren't for his smooth politeness, or the fact that Xemnas likes people who question—so long as they don't question him, of course. The guy certainly knows how to argue a point; how to convince people. He was probably a lawyer before.

Axel has never trusted lawyers.

Xigbar finally notices Roxas. "Dude, the bean sprout's even here! Corrupting the youth, Axel? Nice one."

"Actually I was leaving," Roxas says coolly, getting to his feet. Axel watches him.

"You were?"

"I'm finished," Roxas says, tossing out his half-eaten TV dinner.

Xigbar laughs. "Apparently even his stomach is small."

Roxas shoots him the characteristic glare and walks out without another word. Axel stifles a sigh. Xigbar, Luxord and Marluxia sit down at the table while Xaldin shoves a handful of TV dinners into the microwave. Xigbar looks at the doorway.

"You think the bean sprout can shoot lasers out of his eyes?"

"Maybe Xaldin scared him away," Marluxia says, glancing over his shoulder at the larger man.

"I can't help it," Xaldin says in his bear-like voice, watching the microwave. "I'm a scary person."

"Not the kid, though," Xigbar, shaking his head. "For a new fish, he's pretty damn fearless."

"Cocky," Luxord corrects absently, fiddling with a deck of cards. "Teenagers are all the same."

"But I hear you saved his little butt this morning," Marluxia says, looking at Axel. "So even our fearless new fish has his limits. You know, you shouldn't go around saving people, Axel. If they're weak, they don't deserve to be saved. Think of Demyx."

"Demyx killed a Behemoth by himself not long ago," Xaldin says. He sounds a bit grim. But then, Xaldin always sounds a bit grim.

"Battle is just a matter of luck, like everything else," Luxord says, drawing a card.

"He's the new guy. Plus, he's already a good fighter. Give him time. Be running circles around the old folk in no time," Axel says, looking at Marluxia.

Xigbar laughs. "Well this is new. Axel actually _defending_ someone."

There's a beep as the microwave goes off.

Luxord shakes his head. "Axel, you of all people should know better than to make excuses for failure. Especially when the failure is someone else's."

There's a loud _crunch_ and the snap of electricity. Everyone looks up. Xaldin has put one of his spears through the microwave.

"Melted it," he says through his teeth, glaring at a hunk of black nightmare in his hand. The smell of burned potatoes and melted plastic fills the cafeteria.

"Because you're supposed to take the plastic cover off, you dumbass!" Xigbar says.

"Xaldin one, microwave zero," Axel says, laughing.

Marluxia takes his head in a hand. "That's the second one this month."

"Want me to stab you too, flower-boy?" Xaldin glares at the dead microwave. "Machines should work. They're _created_ to work. Things should do what they're meant to do, dammit."

No one says anything. Sometimes, Xaldin just needs to stab something. Axel figures they all do, in one way or another.

There's the sound of running feet in the halls and Vexen rounds the corner, eyes bright, hair frazzled, face red from exertion. Not attractive.

"Xigbar! Xaldin! Luxord! Breakthrough! I've made a breakthrough! Creating a memory lapse with increased efficiency based on ascending floor levels—I need your help, _now_—this might be it!"

Xigbar scrambles over the table, Xaldin dashes for the door and Luxord rises elegantly from the bench and follows.

"And not us?" Marluxia asks, rather indignantly.

Vexen barely gives them a passing glance. "What use have I for a pyro and a flower-boy?" He grabs Xigbar's shoulder. "It's amazing, I think I've finally got it…"

And with that, the four are gone.

Axel whistles and leans back from the table. "Scientists. Freaking wackos. Luxord's not even one of them, but now he's all buddy-buddy, like Saïx."

Marluxia is staring at the doorway, not really listening to Axel. Not that Axel cares.

"You know the thing about flowers, though?"

Axel isn't really listening, either. "Eh?"

A slow smile spreads over Marluxia's face. "Their looks are always, _always_deceiving."

-------

"I'm bored."

"Yes. I'm aware of that. You've said so only…" Roxas counts on his fingers. "Twenty-six times…in the past hour."

"Wow. Almost once every two minutes. Hm, I'm losing my edge." Axel makes a frustrated sound. "All these Heartless around for days and days and now nothing? I want _action._ Excitement. Life-or-death struggles. Gratuitous violence. Where _aaaaare_ they?"

"I've noticed that every time you complain about how boring things are, something terrible happens to us," Roxas says, pointing his Keyblade at Axel. "Xemnas says the Heartless are settling down, preparing for the end—all on their way to Hollow Bastion and beyond, I think. Or something."

"And it's _always_ the hot places," Axel whines. Yes, it's whining, he'll admit it, though it's only because he knows Roxas hates it. He slumps a little for effect, as if the heat is a physical weight on him. "He really is trying to off us."

Roxas sighs and swings his legs, kicking the side of the ledge they're sitting on. All around them the air can't seem to decide whether it's a gas today or a liquid. Animals call from within the walls of green and brown that make up the jungle. They're a mile or so from the camp they saw, deeper within the green. Axel watches absently as a brightly-colored parrot flaps over their heads.

"How's the shoulder?" Roxas asks.

"Eh?" Axel puts on a show of acting hurt. "Words cannot describe the pain, my friend, for it is beyond human comprehension. I am pained even more by your lack of compassion and sympathy."

"Virtually healed, in other words."

"Virtually," Axel says, sitting up straight. "I'm thirsty. It's a rainforest, but I don't see water anywhere."

"Demyx could find some."

"He'd even build the well and the purification system. Unfortunately he's not here. Because he's smart like us and got away before Vexen could come begging us to be his guinea pigs."

"What are they so excited about, anyway?"

Axel rubs under his nose. The humidity is doing a number on his sinuses.

"Some big experiment. Vexen is building a castle somewhere, kind of like Never Was. Except he's synchronizing his little lab rat to the castle so that she can screw with the Keyblade Master's memories when he comes along."

Roxas gives him a blank look. "Why?"

"How should I know? I just work here."

Axel lies backward and looks up at the sky through the canopy of leaves. The very air is shimmering with the heat. The sky is pale blue, speckled with clouds like fleece. If it wasn't so hot, Axel could get used to this place. It smells nice. Not much food around, but that can be remedied. Plus there's a jungle, and really—who doesn't like a jungle? A jungle just _screams _"explore me." Axel never really outgrew the childish desire for exploration. For discovery. For something new.

"What were you doing before you became a Nobody?"

The question catches Axel off guard. He raises his head a ways.

"Huh?"

Roxas gives him a soft look. That's the only way Axel can think to describe it—_soft._

"I have no memory of it. So I was just wondering…I mean, you had to have a life before you became a Nobody. Right? So who were you? What were you doing?"

Before. Back then. Back when they were all real. Not a topic the others tend to bring up very often. Thinking about that time only makes the ache worsen. Talking about it makes it become a real, physical pain. You get to thinking about what you've lost, about what you'll never have again, about what you'll miss out on for the rest of your sad little life.

They all have their sob stories. Xemnas and the higher-ups were promising scientists. Some of them had families. Marluxia sold orchids and _supposedly_ had a girlfriend. Demyx was in college, in a band that was really going somewhere. They had lives; they had futures.

Remembering only makes the loss of it that much worse.

"Who was I?" Axel repeats, looking away. "What was I doing?"

He thinks about the night the Heartless came. About how not a second went by that you didn't hear a scream from the streets. About the creeping dark things that slunk between the buildings, hid in the alleys to leap out at the unsuspecting, about their glowing eyes as they peered in through the windows. About rushing back to his family's house, only to find the windows smashed, the door knocked in, things broken and strewn across the floors, and the only people he'd ever really given a damn about going to dust before his eyes while Heartless fought over the pink hearts, all that was left. Axel is pretty sure he lost it then and attacked the Heartless with nothing but his fists, though he doesn't remember much. There was pain, lots of pain when the Heartless finally overwhelmed him and got what they wanted. Then darkness.

The funny thing is, waking up hurt more than dying. Life hadn't been kittens and birdsong, not with a family like Axel's, but hell—it was _life._ Death was supposed to be an escape, but the Heartless didn't even grant him that.

Axel turns back to Roxas and puts on a grin. "Nothing special."

Roxas gives him a look that's somewhere between disappointment and acceptance that Axel will say no more. He smiles a little and nods.

"So no different than you are now, in other words."

Axel looks skyward again and then sits up.

"Let's go find a monkey."

Roxas does a rather brilliant double-take. "What?"

"Let's go find a monkey," Axel repeats, jumping off the ledge. "It's a jungle, isn't it? There's supposed to be monkeys everywhere. I wanna see a monkey. Come on, don't you wanna see a monkey?"

"But we're supposed to be—"

"Ah, screw the mission. Nothing's coming anyway," Axel says, looking around as if double checking. "Let's just go for a walk and find a monkey."

Roxas stares at him, but he seems to be considering it. "I've never seen a monkey before…"

"See? _See?_ You are a sad and pathetic little boy who has never seen a monkey. I mean, come on! _Monkeys!"_ Axel extends a hand toward him, palm up, and he smiles. "Let's go find ourselves a monkey."

Roxas smiles in a what-the-hell sort of way and slides off the ledge.

"Fine. Monkeys it is."

-------

They walk with their weapons hidden. It's not as easy to move through a jungle as they make it out to be in the adventure movies, and weapons just hinder the process.

"Next time, we bring a machete," Roxas says as a waxy green vine threatens to strangle him.

"Keep an eye out for that ape man," Axel says, ducking to avoid branches. "He's lovey-dovey with the girl back in that camp. It's best if no one knows we're here."

The ground is thick with moist soil and decaying vegetation. Everything smells like flowery life. Thunder cracks the air in the distance. Axel grins despite himself. It's a freaking _jungle. _Axel loves it.

"Did you know that about ninety percent of what lives in a rainforest can kill you?"

"Bullshit," Axel says, distracted by a caterpillar with spines like a sea urchin, colored bright blue.

"Alright, I made it up, but really. The rainforest is a lot more dangerous than anyone realizes. I mean, the bugs alone can kill you."

"You read too much. It makes you negative."

Roxas doesn't answer, but Axel hears him sigh.

There's a loud whooping sound from the forest and the two Nobodies stop short.

"You think that was a monkey or a bird?"

"How the hell should I know?"

The canopy above them rustles and something brown darts between the leaves. It's gone before Axel can make out what it is. Thunder crackles again and rain starts to fall. The forest looks almost dreamlike through a thin mist.

"You know, aside from having to wear these coats in the 115 degree weather, it's pretty nice here," Axel comments. The rainforest has a vibrancy that the World That Never Was will never have. And yet this place is similar in many ways, caught between light and dark, life and death. Axel looks at his feet; even that dying, decaying vegetation—it's what gives the forest its life. Life from death, light from dark, like there's no separation.

_I'm unusually philosophical today,_ Axel muses. _Stop that._

Axel starts walking again, but then he notices that Roxas isn't moving. Axel looks back at him; the kid is standing as if frozen, staring at something off to their right, a few yards off the ground.

"What?" Axel thinks of his chakrams. "Heartless?"

"Shh," Roxas says, and nods forward. Axel follows his gaze. A medium-sized, brown monkey is sitting on a low branch, its tail dangling in the open air, watching the pair with a dark, curious gaze. Axel knows nothing about monkeys, so he has no idea what species it might be—hell, is it even a monkey, or an ape, or what?—but that doesn't really matter. It's a _monkey._ Its fur is reddish-brown except for a small patch of white on one leg, and it seems to be clutching something to its chest. A leaf is protruding from the corner of its mouth.

Axel says nothing for awhile, watching the monkey watch them, ignoring the rain sliding down his neck. The monkey shifts and Axel realizes that it's holding a tiny baby monkey in its protective grasp. Axel can't help a smile.

"See?" he says. "Isn't this better than Heartless?" He turns to Roxas, but Roxas obviously hasn't heard him. Roxas is staring at the animal with a wide, intent gaze, as if he's trying to take a photograph and imprint the image on his brain.

_Wow,_ Axel thinks. Roxas doesn't look like a jaded Nobody with a bad attitude. He looks real. He looks like himself, like how Roxas should be—all the pretense and falsehood gone, the mask slipped, Roxas laid bare to reveal the actual _person_ under it all—Roxas as just a teenager watching a monkey and its child with that awed gaze, as if the sight is the most amazing thing he has ever seen.

Axel feels something in the place where his heart should be, like pain but sweeter. He smiles.

"I've never seen a monkey before," Roxas says in a soft voice, his eyes still glued on the monkey. The animal finally seems to register them as not a threat and disappears around the tree, climbing like a squirrel with its baby still in one arm.

Roxas finally blinks and he breathes, the way you do after some kind of epiphany. He looks at Axel, and though the mask is back up Axel can still see the person just beneath.

"This was a good idea."

Axel grins. "I know it was." He pauses. "I'm just a genius, what can I say? Who doesn't like monkeys?"

"Did you see the baby?"

"I did."

"We need to come back here."

"We do," Axel agrees. "You're an interesting person, did you know that?"

"What?" Roxas blinks, confused. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"You're not like the others."

Roxas looks upset at that. "Saïx thinks so too."

Ah, so that's what it is. "It's not a _bad_ thing," Axel says. "Being different. Especially in this crowd. I mean, they're all so…_boring._ But you're cool. And that's a good thing."

Roxas looks like he's hiding a smile.

Axel looks skyward. "Roxas, are we friends?"

Roxas gives him a strange look. "I don't know what that means."

"Well, in our case, what with the whole no-heart thing, I guess it means you like someone more than you hate them."

"Or it means you can go look for monkeys with them and not feel like an idiot?"

Axel laughs. "Yeah."

"Then maybe we are friends," Roxas says, shrugging. "Not that I'd really know."

Axel is silent for awhile. Silence with Roxas isn't like silence with the rest of them. It doesn't have the same weight, the same oppression. Silence with Roxas is…alright.

Axel smiles to himself. He's been doing that a lot lately.

"Jungles have lions, don't they? Should we go find a lion?"

"They don't have lions. They have jaguars. Even if we looked for one, we'd never find one. They're scarily good at hiding. Plus they can, you know, kill people."

"Well. Never hurt to try, huh?" Axel says, and he walks off through the curtains of green and mist. Roxas joins him and they walk side by side, searching.

-------------------------------------------------------

Well, Chapter Five is finally up. Sorry it took so long. The first week of college was hectic, what with the woes of moving in and figuring out schedules and classes. But it's all good now. I hope this chapter is as good as the others. It's a little angstier than the others, but who doesn't like a little angst? It's kind of unavoidable with these two.

Chapter Six hopefully won't be as far apart as Five was from Four, but there is college and homework to consider. In any case, I have no intention of dropping this—I don't like to leave things unfinished, and I'm so grateful to you, those of you that read this and like it, that I couldn't bear to do that to you.

Again, thanks for reading! Don't hesitate to point out things that can be fixed. Especially since I introduced a whole bunch of Org. members in this one. Some of these guys get so little time in the game that it's hard to characterize them. And for Marluxia, all I can do is use my limited knowledge of the CoM game. So I hope they're okay.

Feedback is candy for my soul!


	6. Castle Oblivion

**Disclaimer:** Nomura and Squeenix are the owners of the KH storyline and characters, etc. But this story is mine, precious ( --forgive the overused joke…)

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Not That I Care

6

Castle Oblivion

"_Hearts will never be practical until they_

_can be made unbreakable."_

"_But I still want one."_

_--The Wizard of Oz_

It's been an hour. Roxas isn't sure why he's bothering to wait. He's already made his report; there's really no reason for him to stick around any longer. Roxas _did_ tell Axel that he'd wait for him—God only knows why—but Axel would understand. Not that Roxas really cares. He has better things to do that wait for the Superior's office to spit Axel back out again.

Better things to do…no, that's not entirely accurate. Roxas is done for the day, mission-wise. There isn't much to _do_ around the castle on an off-day. You can always go down into the city, kill a few Heartless, blow off some steam. There's the practice rooms. There's the library. But that's about all there is. All the others tend to wander off on their own and do their own thing. Music, plants, cards, stabbing things.

Roxas decides that he needs a hobby.

There's the creak of a door opening and the air heats up, the way it does when Axel is angry. Warning Sign Number One. Roxas looks up, wary now, as Axel slams Xemnas's door shut behind him.

"Condemned to death?" Roxas hazards. "Feeding the Dusks for a week?"

Axel doesn't really look at him; Warning Sign Number Two. He makes a snorting sound.

"Nope," he says, practically snarling his words. "He's got a _special_ assignment for me."

Yeah, Axel is angry. This "special assignment" must be a doozy.

Axel starts walking briskly away down the hall—Warning Sign Number Three, since he usually slows for short-legged Roxas. _We're on a roll today,_ Roxas thinks. He has to trot to keep up with Axel.

"What kind of special assignment?"

"The speshul, classified, confidential, need-to-know-basis, can't-tell-you kind," Axel says, and it sounds like he's talking through his teeth. The temperature in the hallway rises a notch. There's a way to efficiently heat this damn castle, Roxas thinks—piss Axel off enough. It wouldn't be that hard.

_On second thought, that would be a bad idea._ Roxas has seen Axel annoyed and seen Axel angry, but he's never seen Axel _pissed-fucking-off._ He imagines that that kind of Axel would be rather frightening, uncontrollable. Axel _pissed-fucking-off _would lead undoubtedly to bloodshed. You don't antagonize the guy who can set you on fire just by thinking it.

"He gave _you_ an important assignment?" Roxas asks, since why else would Axel be mad?

"Surprised?"

"Of course."

Axel half-smiles. "Yeah, it's important. _Crucial,_ even. Danger and intrigue and all that good stuff. I could die."

"Well, don't."

Axel comes to a stop and Roxas almost walks by him. He stops, and for a moment Axel doesn't move. Then he turns and looks over Roxas, stares at him with an expression Roxas has never seen on him before. It's all in his eyes. His eyes get soft and kind of lid halfway and his brow creases in the vaguest of frowns. It's almost distraught, almost regretful, or as close to those as a Nobody can really get. It's like he has caught a glimpse of the future and wishes he had never seen it. _I know something,_ the look says. _I want to tell you._

Roxas doesn't like it. He reads it as a warning, a foreshadowing, thunderheads on a distant horizon.

"Hey, Roxas."

Roxas doesn't answer and just stares back at Axel. _I don't want to hear it,_ he thinks. _Whatever it is, I don't want to hear it._ Whatever it is, he knows hearing it won't make anyone happy.

As if Axel can read his mind, he turns away.

"Nothing," he says, and he starts walking again. This time Roxas doesn't follow. "There's gonna be a meeting tonight. Make sure you're there. It'll be interesting."

-------

"We are all assembled," Xemas begins, his standard greeting. Roxas looks around the room. Xemnas is the only one with his hood up. Most of the others look bored—these meetings are a weekly deal, and unfailingly boil down to the general lack of progress concerning Kingdom Hearts and various, hopelessly boring mission and experiment reports. In fact, of all of them, only Marluxia seems to be interested in the meeting. He's sitting two chairs right of Roxas, fingers laced under his chin, a half-smile on his face as he watches the Superior.

Roxas looks toward Axel, who he hasn't seen since this afternoon. Axel looks almost tired. His head is propped on his chin and his gaze is firmly on the ground.

"All of you are aware of our pitifully slow progress in the development of Kingdom Hearts, so for once, I shall not delve into that," the Superior says. Roxas looks up.

"Instead, Number Four will report on our second largest experiment, The Memory Project," the Superior says, and turns toward Vexen, who is seated three chairs to the left.

Vexen has to conceal a grin. He holds up a folder.

"The Memory Project," he says like a bad actor in a bad play, "is complete."

Larxene whistles. "Well, well. Dr. Freakenstein actually finished something for once. Color me surprised."

Vexen doesn't react, which is surprising. Vexen has always been easily baited. He must be really happy. If that's possible.

"I've named the results of the experiment 'Castle Oblivion,'" Vexen goes on. "It is a multi-storied castle situated some ways from here, near the Crossroads between Light and Dark. As most of you know, the purpose of the experiment was to find a way to lure the Keyblade Master, Sora, into our hands, so that we could use him for our own ends."

_Sora,_ Roxas thinks._ So that's his name. It sounds kind of familiar…I know I've heard it somewhere before._

Axel shifts ever so slightly. Roxas looks toward him, but then Vexen is continuing, all drama and bright-eyed excitement.

"I struggled for months with how to achieve this goal, and it was only through my stubborn determination as a scientist, and through the discovery of the Memory Girl that I was able to complete the project. The girl has a singularly powerful connection with Sora's memories, and the memories of those around him. Utilizing this power, I found a way to synchronize her power with the floors of the castle. As the Keyblade Master ascends through the castle, driven by his desire to find his friends, the Memory Girl's power over him will increase, until she has replaced all of his memories with memories of our own choosing. Then we will be able to bend him to our will. With the Keyblade Master under our control, completing Kingdom Hearts will be an easy task."

Vexen finishes and can no longer hide his happiness. He grins hugely.

"Our dream is only a mere few months from being realized, my friends."

"Well, dude," Xigbar says, folding his arms. "You might talk like you're the one who did all the work, but hell. Gotta hand it to you this once."

"Thank you, Xigbar," Vexen says ceremoniously, choosing to ignore the first part of Xigbar's statement.

"Tell us more about this castle," Lexaeus says, watching Vexen intently. Roxas can count on one hand the amount of times he's heard Lexaeus speak, and _knows_ he's never seen him look excited before. Although, "excited" with Lexaeus isn't "excited" by standard use of the word, not even by Nobody standards. His eyes are a little brighter, that's all. Not that Roxas really cares.

"Of course," Vexen says, and he flips open his folder, revealing a diagram of Castle Oblivion. "Most of the upper levels are relatively empty, strictly designed for the Memory Girl to have an optimum effect on the wielder of the Keyblade. The top floors are where the living quarters are located, and also where the girl will be housed. However, there are also several floors below ground, and these basements are almost exclusively laboratories for us to continue our research and track our progress with Sora. The library is there as well."

"Who will be in charge of the castle? Who will run the experiment?" Zexion asks, staring at Vexen through his hair.

"I was getting to that. By my calculations, five or six people will be sufficient. At least three of those must be trained scientists to actually run the experiment, monitor the Memory Girl—"

"Does she have a name or what?"

Vexen stops mid-sentence as heads turn toward Axel. Axel rolls his eyes, irritated now.

"Honestly, 'Memory Girl'—are we really supposed to call her something so stupid?"

"Her name, _Axel,_ is unimportant," Vexen says, glaring at him. "But if you are so put out by the term 'Memory Girl,' then very well—her name is Naminè."

"See? Not that hard. Naminè, that's all you gotta say."

"_Continuing_ with the more_ important_ aspects of this mission, at least three people in Castle Oblivion must be scientists. Therefore, the leader of the castle—the leader of the team, I should say—should probably be a scientist as well. Though of course," and here Vexen pauses for a polite chuckle, "that decision is left up to the Superior."

Silence drapes over the white room, and now everyone is looking at the Superior, waiting.

_Three scientists at least,_ Roxas thinks._ The higher-ups, then. Vexen will go, since it's his project. And it'll either be him in charge or Lexaeus, since they're both always in the labs. Saïx will probably go too. But I want to go. If this Sora guy is the other Keyblade Master then maybe he can tell me something. I want to meet him._

"I don't need to tell you how important this mission is," Xemnas begins. "Controlling Sora is vital to our Organization's success. For this reason, I have given much thought to who shall be part of the Castle Oblivion team. Number Four will head up the research aspect of the mission, and Number Five and Number Six will accompany him."

Vexen, Lexaeus and Zexion all nod. Roxas knows it's childish, but all the same he crosses his fingers.

"However," the Superior continues, folding his hands, "this mission also contains an offense aspect that will deal with Sora directly. Those in direct contact with Sora must therefore have the skills to lead him through the castle as well as the ability to fight him if need be. Four, Five and Six must be monitoring the progress of the experiment at that time, and will be unable to have direct contact with Sora. Therefore Number Twelve will go with them, along with Number Eight."

Roxas's head snaps in Axel's direction. Axel? _Axel_ is going, and not Roxas? The red-head is looking determinedly away from him.

_Dammit, so that's what he meant earlier! But why him? Why the hell would the Superior send someone like Axel? Does he _want_ the mission to fail? Well, I mean…alright, Axel isn't that bad, but _dammit, I_ should be the one going! It should be me!_

Roxas isn't the only one put out by this. Zexion sighs in a long-suffering sort of way, and Vexen jolts up in his chair as if a porcupine has sprouted underneath him.

"Sir," he splutters, "of all people—"

"And of course," the Superior goes on, ignoring the fuss around him, "every team needs a leader. After giving it much thought, I've decided that the leader of Castle Oblivion should be someone level-headed and rational, who can make decisions not motivated by the pursuit of science."

Vexen turns a rather interesting shade of red.

"Therefore the leader of Castle Oblivion shall be Number Eleven."

A slow, smug grin spreads across Marluxia's face and he runs his fingers through pinkish hair. _Wow. That was unexpected,_ Roxas thinks.

"Marluxia!" Vexen exploded.

"Sir, you cannot—" Lexaeus pauses, collects himself, starts over. "Sir, with all due respect, you simply _cannot_ be serious. Marluxia has only been with the Organization for four months. And he's shown insubordination in the past."

It's the most Roxas has ever heard Lexaeus say at one time, and the most worked up he's ever seen him. Of all people to insult the Superior, Roxas would have said Lexaeus would be the last. Although, considering how he's heard Marluxia talk about the older man, it doesn't surprise him. There's a definite animosity between them, worse even than that between Axel and Saïx.

"I assure you," the Superior says in a low, deadly voice, "I am quite serious."

"But…sir…"

"This is not up for debate. Eleven will lead the castle and oversee the project in its entirety. We do not have time now for argument and discussion. The Keyblade Master is about to enter the End of the World, where even we cannot follow. If he survives, then I expect his arrival at the Crossroads in a matter of days."

"And if he doesn't survive?" Zexion asks dryly.

"Then we have misjudged his worth. Weak subjects are of no value."

"Sir, I would still like to let it be known that I, and Lexaeus of course, object to—"

"Yes. I am aware of your position, Vexen, and I tire of hearing of it. Next one to bring it up will be punished—severely."

Vexen goes even paler than usual, which Roxas never thought possible. Lexaeus is still as stone in his chair. Roxas shoots a look toward Axel, but Axel still isn't looking at him.

_It should be me going…not him._

"That is all there is to say on the matter," Xemnas says with an air of finality. "I want the Castle Oblivion team to depart in no less than an hour. Further details will await you there. Dismissed."

-------

Axel is watching him with a blank look. Roxas has him cornered in Axel's room.

"Shit, man. Lasers again. What's that look for?"

"This is what you were talking about earlier," Roxas says, wishing his eyes really _were_ lasers right now. "This is what you meant by _special assignment."_

"Well. Sort of," Axel says, looking away. Axel hasn't been doing too well with the whole eye contact thing lately. He shoves clothes into a ripped bag. "There's…kind of more to it."

"Like _what?"_ Roxas snaps.

"I can't tell you. Under orders and all that."

"Since when do you give a shit about orders?"

Axel doesn't answer and keeps stuffing the bag.

"It should be me," Roxas says.

"Oh?"

"_I'm_ the one with the Keyblade. _I'm_ the one who needs to talk with that Sora guy. _I'd_ be the one best at convincing him, I mean, we both have Keyblades, that counts for _something._ But what the hell is this? Why aren't I going? Why are _you_ going when I'm not?"

"Don't get your panties in a twist." Axel gives him that _look_ again, the look that says he knows something. This time, Roxas wants to hear it. He wants to know what Axel knows. "You don't want to be in on this one, trust me."

"Why _not?"_ Roxas demands. "I need to talk to him. If he has a Keyblade—"

"Don't worry so much," Axel interjects and slings the bag over his shoulder. "I'll talk to him for you."

Roxas blinks, confused, and Axel leaves the room. Roxas follows him.

"What do you mean?"

"Why you think I was in the Boss's office for so long earlier, huh? You're right, you should be going, and I was, you know, telling him that."

But Axel isn't looking at him, and though it's like Axel to shrug off duty on to someone else, it's _not_ like him to do it for that someone's benefit.

Then again, Axel has a habit of surprising Roxas.

"Really?" he asks, suspiciously.

"Yep. The things I do for you. Whatever. I'll talk to the Key guy for you."

"Promise?"

Axel looks back at him, and for the first time since Roxas has met him, his face is serious.

"Roxas, we're Nobodies. There's no such thing as a promise to us."

Roxas stops in his tracks. Axel keeps walking.

"Bullshit," Roxas says at length. "That's bullshit."

Axel says nothing and keeps walking, adjusting the bag over his shoulder. Something is happening in the hollow space in Roxas's chest. He suddenly has the wild feeling that Axel is going to keep walking until he simply disappears.

"Axel."

The red-head stops at the end of the hall and looks back at Roxas. Roxas fixes him with his best glare.

"If you die, I'll kill you."

Axel grins and taps the side of his head.

"Memorized," he says, and points at Roxas. "Same to you, shorty."

And then he's gone. Roxas stands for awhile in the bare, cold hallways, staring at nothing. He feels emptier than usual.

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Sorry, this chapter is mostly talk and it's not all that interesting, but I thought it was necessary in order to introduce the Castle Oblivion arc. Some of this is my own interpretation, since I haven't played CoM, and since some things no one seems to understand, like—really—why the heck did Xemnas assign _Marluxia_ as the lord of the castle? I figure he has ulterior motives, which I'll bring up later.

Anyway, it'll get a lot more interesting once I get further into the CoM stuff, and it's going to be interesting to explore Roxas's point of view during that whole thing. Stay tuned! Feedback is candy for my soul.


	7. The Lord of Castle Oblivion

**Disclaimer:** You all know it by now, but I don't own the characters or the storyline here, just the fic itself. Nomura's the lucky bastard on that one.

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Not That I Care

7

The Lord of Castle Oblivion

_Meet the new boss,_

_Same as the old boss._

_--The Who_

Axel hates Castle Oblivion. He hates it for its whiteness—the walls, the ceilings, the floors, _everything_ is as white as a lab coat, which is probably where Vexen got the idea. He hates its arctic temperatures. He hates how artificial everything here feels, like a stinging reminder of his own artificiality. Mostly, though, he hates it for its people. Freaking scientists; _scientists._ Zexion is a smug, smarter-than-thou jackass, Lexaeus has only two topics he opens his mouth about and they are either A, Marluxia, or B, the experiment, Vexen's a dick, and Larxene's a bitch. As for Marluxia himself…well, that's a whole different ballgame. Axel didn't think it was possible for him to hate a place more than he hated the Castle That Never Was, but three days here and he's already sick of it. He wants to set the whole damn place and everyone in it ablaze.

Axel isn't the bitter type—at least, he doesn't think so, not usually. He wonders where all this hatred comes from. It's probably from the general lack of Roxas around this place. At least if Roxas were here, Axel would have someone to gripe to, someone to laugh at the others with, someone on _his_ side. It's like the Organization before they were thirteen all over again. Axel hates it.

_And Xemnas,_ Axel thinks, rolling over in a bed that's like a block of ice. _Of course, Xemnas._

He tries not to give it much thought, but sometimes it's unavoidable. It's part of the reason that, once again, he can't sleep. Every time he sees one of the others, he is reminded of what Xemnas told him to do. Every time he tries to sleep, scenarios, questions flood his head. Though everything always leads back to one, simple, core question: _What the hell is the Superior planning?_

The conversation in the Superior's office comes back to him, despite his valiant attempts to stop it.

_"You want me to _what?"

_The Superior hates repeating himself. "I want you to keep an eye on Number Eleven," he said, as if speaking to a small, stupid child. "Watch his movements, his actions. I have every suspicion that he intends to go against the Organization." _

_"Ookaaayy…" Axel said, milking the word for all it's worth. "Right, I totally see your logic, Boss. Appoint the guy you think is a traitor to run the giant, hugely important experiment that our futures rest on. Yeah. Makes all the sense in the world." _

_"My motives are none of your concern, Number Eight. I am asking this of you because I trust you." _

_"Why?" Axel asked, because, like the appointment of Marluxia as the new boss, this makes absolutely _no_ sense. Axel is probably the least trustworthy person in the whole damn Organization. It's a fact Axel prides himself on. _

_"Because you are more selfish than anyone here," Xemnas said, and Axel started to think that Xemnas had perhaps lost all semblance of sense. Though there was always that smug little undercurrent, that feeling that Xemnas always—always—knew more than everyone else. _

_"I don't get it." _

_"You don't have to. Simply do as I say." _

_"And if Marly is in fact going to pull a Brutus on us? An eggs benedict?" _

_"The term is 'Benedict Arnold,' Number Eight, and if he does—you know what to do." _

Axel squeezes his eyes shut and buries his face in the pillow, trying to shove the memory from his mind.

There's something else, too. Something Axel tries _desperately_ not to think about.

Axel groans and rolls over again, commanding himself to sleep. He gives an almighty shiver and finally sits up. Why, why, _why_ do Nobodies _insist_ on keeping the castles so cold that every morning Axel expects to find snow on the floors? Nobodies can't feel _per say,_ but they can still, well, _feel._ Though knowing Vexen, the temperatures are probably supposed to "mirror the inner coldness of the Nobody's soul."

Drama queen.

Axel gets reluctantly to his feet, curling his toes against the cold floor (again with the no carpets thing). There is, actually, one place in the castle that's kept heated, and that's the greenhouse behind Marluxia's room. The greenhouse technically wasn't part of the plan, but Marluxia insisted on moving it from the Castle That Never Was.

Axel is rubbing his face with a hand, but he stops as he remembers something.

It was just after they arrived. Vexen was giving them a tour of the place, and at one point, Marluxia came to a stop, which of course forced the others to stop walking.

"Is there any place in the castle that's actually…_heated?"_ he asked.

"I'm afraid not," Vexen answered, in the frosty (ironically enough) tone he'd been using with Marluxia ever since Xemnas named him the boss.

"Fix that," Marluxia said, looking around at the clandestine walls. "I'm going to use the office behind my quarters as a greenhouse; my plants won't survive in this cold."

Zexion stifled a chuckle. Vexen just rolled his eyes and said, under his breath,

"Flower-boy."

It was kind of like watching a lightning strike. Blink and you miss it. Suddenly Marluxia's weapon—a giant scythe, one of the more frightening weapons, despite it's being pink—was in his hand and he had planted the blade into the wall, millimeters from Vexen's neck, pressing the sharp side against Vexen's throat. Vexen went as white as the walls and froze like a rabbit before a wolf. Lexaeus took a step forward, but then thought against it. Even Zexion looked shocked, despite his always acting like nothing really fazes him.

Larxene only smiled.

"If you ever call me flower-boy again," Marluxia said, in a voice Axel had never heard him use, "I will end you."

Vexen swallowed. Axel remembers watching his Adam's apple move up and down. Marluxia leaned in close.

"This isn't the Castle That Never Was," he said, loud enough for everyone to hear, and his eyes flicked toward Lexaeus and Zexion. "Around here, I'm the boss. The lord of Castle Oblivion. Around here, you do as _I_ say. If you have a problem with that, take it up with the Superior. I'm sure he'll be utterly _delighted_ to hear your complaints. Is any of this unclear?"

It wasn't. Marluxia pulled his scythe out of the wall and it vanished in a vague puff of darkness. He smiled.

"Now how about that greenhouse?"

It was then that Axel fully understood the orders that Xemnas had given him.

-------

Larxene is reading a book on sadism. How original.

"Getting any good ideas?" Axel asks her. Larxene adjusts herself in the armchair and peeks up over the top of the book, all innocence.

"Oh, yes," she says, with a wicked little smile. "Thought I'd practice on Vexen."

"Good plan," Axel says vaguely, looking off down the shelves of books.

"What_ever_ are you doing in a library, Axel?" Larxene asks. "Surely you're not going to actually _read_ anything. That would need way too much brain power."

Axel has never been one for books or libraries, but he has a purpose now. There's research to be done, research that _matters._

"It's freezing," Axel says, shrugging. "Figured I'd build a fire."

Larxene narrows her gaze. "You so much as _try_ to burn a book and I'll stab your face."

Axel grins. "What's with you and books, anyway? Books don't scream in pain, so where's the fun in them?"

Larxene tilts her head a little, as if considering Axel. She looks down at her book again.

"Books don't care," she says.

Axel stares at her. "They're inanimate objects, you know. They're not capable of caring," he says. He's being difficult. He understands.

"Then books are kind of like us, aren't they?" Larxene says, watching him with an earnest expression. "They're Nothing except what you make of them."

Axel considers her. That's remarkably insightful, for Larxene. Not that Axel really cares.

"Just kidding," Larxene says, and goes back to reading.

_Are you? _Axel thinks, but decides not to say it aloud. "Know where the books on Keyblades are?"

"Two aisles that way," Larxene says, jerking her head backward. She looks up at Axel again. "Doing research, are you?"

"So to speak," Axel returns. "I want to know more about the connection between Roxas and Sora."

"Such an interesting topic," Larxene says, and she gets a spark in her eye, the spark she gets when she's found a weakness. "Are you worried about him? Little Thirteen?"

Axel glances over his shoulder at her and snorts in what he hopes is realistic derision. He's pretty good at the derision thing.

"Why would I be?"

"Nothing else would make you go to a library," Larxene says, and by now she has set her book aside. "You're buddy-buddy now, aren't you? Who'da thunk it, huh? I mean, _you_ of all people. But then…maybe he reminds you of someone?"

Axel says nothing.

But he doesn't have to. Larxene knows. She gives a little snicker. "I wonder what would happen to Roxas, if he was ever to meet Sora? What do you think, Axel? I mean, Roxas is less of a Nobody than all of us combined. Like that brat upstairs. None of _us _have Others. Don't you think it's funny—that Xemnas told us not to tell Roxas the truth? I can understand why we can't tell _Sora,_ but Roxas? What do you think that means? What do you think will happen when those two meet?"

She says it as if it's inevitable, and a part of Axel has to agree that it is. They'll meet someday. There won't be any stopping it. They'll be drawn to each other, like two marbles circling a drain. And it'll change Roxas, in one way or another. Roxas won't be interesting anymore.

Axel isn't sure what he'd do if that happened.

"That's what I'm trying to find out," Axel says in a controlled voice. Control. With all this flammable paper around, control is a good thing right now. He starts to walk away.

"Don't you think it's also funny…" Larxene says, with the air of someone about to drop a big one. "…that Xemnas wants to use _both_ of them?"

Axel stops.

"That would bring the two closer together, wouldn't it? I find that strange. Especially considering the pains we're taking to make sure they never find out about each other."

Axel looks back at her.

"Sometimes I wonder if the Superior really does have our best interests at heart—so to speak," Larxene says, looking again at her book, casual, so _casual._

But Axel knows. _Ah,_ he thinks. _Et tu, Larxene?_

What a shame.

"You're good, Larx," Axel says, and he starts walking again. But then there's a _swoosh_ and a dark portal opens nearby. Out of it steps Marluxia. He lowers his hood and looks from Larxene to Axel, grinning like a kid who just stole a candy bar.

"Good news, Marluxia?" Larxene asks, suddenly all sugar.

"I've met him," he says, rather breathlessly. "The boy. Sora. He is here."

Larxene sits up straight and Axel stiffens.

Marluxia runs a hand through his hair in a self-satisfied manner. The smug bastard. "He's at the Crossroads," he explains. "I spoke to him, and unless he is completely dense, he will take the hint and come straight here. He'll be here in a day or so."

"How exciting," Larxene says. "We'd better make preparations…hadn't we?"

Marluxia gives her what he probably thinks is a conspiratorial smile. Axel sighs inwardly. There's really no respect for good, old-fashioned intrigue these days.

"You're right," Marluxia answers. He puts his hands on his hips. "Larxene, you inform the others. Axel, tell Naminè to get ready. She probably needs to be fed too; I don't want her crapping out on us."

_So much for research._ "And you, Mr. Boss-Man?" Axel asks in a weary tone.

Marluxia smiles in a way that would make Saïx proud. He answers—well, not really—with another question. "Have you ever heard of the pitcher plant, Axel?"

"Not big on greenery, sorry. Plants and fire—don't exactly mix, you know."

"Fascinating plant. It uses everything it has to lure its prey—chemicals, colors, even its shape, all are conducive to attracting and catching insects. Once a fly is in its trap, there's no escape. The fly believes it is getting a treat, you see, but in reality…the fly is being slowly digested, consumed by the pitcher plant. Before long it is simply food. Just another part of the flower."

Axel grins. "Sounds like your kind of plant."

"It is," Marluxia answers, and turns away. "Before we know it, our little fly will be just another part of us."

-------

Axel has never actually met Naminè—never even seen her—until now.

She's very small; very young. Her hair is the color of straw. There's something transparent about her that has nothing to do with how she looks—rather, the feeling she gives off, of emptiness. She almost seems to fade into the background of her room, which is pure white, from the tables and chairs to the walls. Even her dress is white. The only things of color are her eyes, which are a sad shade of blue, and the crayon drawings scattered everywhere. She's at work on a new sheet of paper, red crayon in hand, and doesn't even look up when Axel walks in. He stares at her for awhile before speaking.

"Your hero's coming," he says. "Sora's on his way here to rescue you, thinking he's coming to save that other girl—Kairi or whatever. Too bad for him, but lucky for you, huh?"

The crayon hesitates for a split second before continuing over the white paper.

"Yes," Naminè answers in a soft voice.

Axel regards her in silence again. She reminds him of Roxas, somehow. Maybe it's in the knowledge that Naminè, like Roxas, is completely and utterly alone in the world.

"I guess it's okay, though," Axel says, folding his arms. "The princess locked in the castle by the mean old bad guys is _supposed_ to want the hero to rescue her. We all just do what we're supposed to, right?"

Naminè doesn't answer and keeps drawing.

"Anyway, you'd better get ready," Axel goes on. "The others won't be too happy if you screw this up. You don't want to screw it up for yourself, either. Your one and only chance to be Somebody."

"Right," Naminè whispers. "Somebody."

Axel sighs. He waves a hand and a plate of food appears out of a dark portal.

"Eat."

Naminè ignores him. Axel stares at her awhile, wondering what else there is to her, wondering if this small, empty shell is all she is. Eventually he turns and makes to leave.

"Can…can Nobodies really be Somebody?"

Axel looks back at her. Naminè is looking up at him for the first time. Her eyes are pale, but they're like Roxas's—there's something _there. _It's not all emptiness.

"I dunno," Axel answers. "Maybe. I hope so. That's what we're all hoping for, anyway."

Naminè tilts her head. "You're not like Vexen and the others."

Axel allows for a vague smile. "That's right. I'm cooler than all of them."

"What's your name?"

"Axel. Got it memorized?"

"It's not a hard name to remember," Naminè points out.

Axel thinks about it. "Yeah. I guess not."

Naminè gives the faintest of smiles and then goes back to her drawing.

"You know," Axel says, turning away, "for a lab rat, you're pretty interesting."

"Thank you," Naminè says. She pauses, then, "Axel? Will you talk to me again?"

_Talk? That was "talk?" Jeez, she must be desperate._ Which Axel would pity, if he could.

"If I feel like it," Axel says, because he likes to keep people wondering.

"Naminè, you're unusually chatty today," says a voice, and Marluxia appears out of nowhere. Axel grits his teeth. Naminè ducks her head and Marluxia looks from her to Axel.

"I was wondering why you were taking so long."

"I was just leaving," Axel says, and he does, leaving Naminè alone.

Axel hates this place.

-------

Sora has arrived.

"Well," Larxene says as they watch Marluxia talk to the Keyblade Master and the duck and dog…thing that are with him. "He's certainly as _short _as our Number Thirteen."

Larxene and Axel are watching from out of sight. The others refused to come out of the labs. Some kind of protest, or something. In any case, Vexen is working on his newest toy and didn't want to be bothered, and the others are monitoring Sora's brainwaves or some such technical bullshit from below.

Not that Axel cares at all. There are more important things.

_So, _Axel thinks, ignoring Larxene. _Sora. Roxas's Other._

It's _scary_ how much he looks like Roxas. Well, they're not identical, but still. Sora's hair is brown, and far poofier than Roxas's, though they've both got the spiky thing going on. His eyes aren't the same laser-sky-blue, not quite. From what Axel has seen and heard already, Sora isn't quite the jaded little asshole that Roxas is. He's _optimistic._ _Cheerful. _Everything that Roxas isn't. Everything opposite of Roxas.

_So this is the other side of Roxas._

Everything opposite, yes, except their drive. Their determination. Their strength of will, though Axel knows that Naminè is already at work breaking that down for Sora. They're both fighters—Sora's display in the first of the false worlds, based off of Traverse Town, proved that. They're similar. Like fraternal twins.

It's scary.

_But how similar? How different?_

"Axel? Are you listening?" Larxene says in an indignant tone. He isn't. He doesn't care enough to listen.

As he watches Sora summon his Keyblade, which looks exactly like Roxas's, and give Marluxia that _same look _that Roxas would give, the laser-glare, the "I'm not gonna lose" glare, Axel remembers the lie he told Roxas, the lie that Axel would talk to Sora, would learn everything for Roxas, in Roxas's place.

It's not like Axel could really tell Roxas anything that he learns about Sora. It's not like Roxas would be happy with anything that Axel tells him, anyway.

Axel tells himself that it's for his own curiosity.

"_Axel._ What are you doing?"

Axel disappears in a cloud of darkness and reappears near Marluxia. Sora looks startled. From up close he looks even more and yet even less like Roxas.

"Boo," Axel says.

"What do you want?" Marluxia says, obviously pissed about the intrusion.

"I got bored, what with you hogging the hero," Axel says, not taking his eyes off of Sora. Sora is staring at him.

_Roxas…_

Marluxia snorts a little. "Well then, maybe _you'd_ like to test him."

"Maybe I would," Axel says, his gaze sliding to Marluxia. Marluxia's hood is up, but he takes the hint. He dips his head in a brief nod and disappears. Axel turns back to a confused-looking Sora.

Axel grins.

"Looks like it's my show now, Keyblade Master," he says. "The name's Axel. Commit it to memory."

"Uh…okay."

It's the same confusion, and yet not; the same confusion that Roxas faced him with. Axel hates it. He hates how much Sora reminds him of Roxas, reminds him that Roxas isn't actually real. That Roxas, for how interesting he is, is as ephemeral as a flame.

"Good, the hero learns fast," Axel says. "So, Sora, now we're on a first name basis and all—" The chakrams appear in a puff of flame at his sides. "You'd better not die on me."

Sora raises his Keyblade and his friends move to defend him.

_Let's find out,_ Axel thinks. _Let's find out what an Other is made of. Let's find out how much you're like him._

And though Axel won't admit it, he's afraid of the answer.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Hey guys, Chapter Seven is _finally_ up, how about that? Sorry it took so long, college has been pretty crazy. I hope Eight won't be quite as long in coming as this was, but I'm afraid I can't guarantee anything, except that there _will_ be a Chapter Eight, and Nine, and so on.

I hope this is a half-decent foray into the CoM world. I'm lucky I found the script online, though as you can see I'm not sticking to it verbatim.

About Naminè—I'm not entirely sure what it was like between her and Axel, so this is my interpretation of them, or at least the start of it. I think it makes sense that Axel sees something of a semi-Roxas in Naminè, and therefore someone worth his interest. Especially considering things that happen later…

Anyway, hope this chapter is to your liking!

Feedback is candy for my soul.


	8. Lux Luna

**Disclaimer:** …I've said this before. None of it's mine but the writing.

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Not That I Care

8

_Lux Luna_

_I wish I was the moon tonight._

_--Neko Case_

The last few days have been relatively quiet. Roxas has seen three Heartless in a period of four days, all of them Shadows. That's of course not counting the population of five zillion, give or take a few, who live down in the Dark City. The silence is a bit disconcerting, and hopelessly annoying. Roxas hasn't been in a good mood lately; he wants something to fight.

It probably has something to do with the headaches. Three days now, on and off. They happen suddenly, a stab to the head like someone shoved a live wire into his brain. They've also been getting steadily worse; the most recent one a few hours ago was so bad Roxas had to grab a wall just to keep from falling. He's lucky he's on a solo mission; Roxas doubts that Xemnas would be particularly sympathetic.

Roxas swings his legs in open air. He's sitting on the edge of the clock tower in Neverland. Like The World That Never Was, this part of Neverland is cast in eternal night, though for different reasons. It's not as empty as Never Was, though, not by a long shot. The lights of the city pierce the darkness below; it's like looking down on the stars. Of the worlds that Roxas has been to, this is probably one of his favorites.

_I wonder if Axel has ever been here._

Five—no, six days now. No one from Team Oblivion has actually physically come back to report; information comes via Marluxia. From what they can tell, Sora entered the castle a few days ago and is on the third floor now. Or perhaps the second, Roxas can't remember. Sora has already started forgetting.

Roxas kicks his feet against the side of the clock tower. Below him, the minute hand creaks and moves, bringing the hour closer to eleven o'clock.

_I wonder how that idiot is doing. I wonder if he's learned anything from Sora._

The more Roxas thinks about it, the more he _knows_ there's a connection between himself and Sora—beyond the mere fact that they both have Keyblades. There's _something_ there; Roxas just doesn't know what.

He hates having to leave something so important up to Axel.

_I wonder how strong Sora is. He has to be something of a fighter, he's kicked Heartless ass up till now. Plus he killed the guy who was controlling them. Though he's never gone up against a Nobody._

The problem, of course, is the Keyblade. It's just as effective on Nobodies as it is on Heartless. Roxas knows from the times he's sparred with Axel.

Roxas groans and leans back on his hands. _Axel, Axel, Axel. I've gotta stop worrying about him. It's not like I care, anyway._

Below, there's a click as the hour hand moves into place. The clock starts chiming the hour. From this close the sound is loud, but at the same time calming. The lights of the city seem to dance. A cold wind stirs Roxas's hair. He looks upward, to the stars. Follow one of them and you'll get to the place this world is named for. Though there isn't much there. It's much nicer here, the stars above and the stars below.

_I wonder what he's doing right now,_ Roxas thinks, and he lies down to watch the sky.

-------

It's not the first meeting they've had since Team Oblivion left, but every time Roxas enters the white meeting room, he's struck by the imposing, vacant chairs. The room feels incredibly empty.

"I've called this emergency meeting to address something that is coming to my attention," the Superior begins without preamble. "We have not received word from Team Oblivion for two days now."

Xigbar sits up straight in his chair.

"Say what?"

"Number Eleven was instructed to make daily updates on the team's progress, as well as information concerning the Keyblade Master," Xemnas goes on, "yet I have heard nothing from him in two days."

There's a bit of a silence. Roxas frowns to himself. A communications cut off? Or has something happened to Team Oblivion?

"What do we do about it?" Xaldin asks.

"There's every chance that the Key guy killed em," Xigbar says, rubbing his chin.

"But Naminè is supposed to be wearing him down, isn't she?" Demyx points out. "I mean, having your memories replaced, that's gotta put a damper on your skills. Plus between Lexaeus and Axel—there's no way those two would die easily."

Demyx doesn't talk much at the meetings, but lately he seems to be getting more confident. Probably because there's fewer people around to tell him to shut up. It's good, though—Demyx is smarter than people give him credit for.

"Putting your faith in an incompetent like Axel," Saïx says in his quiet voice. He shakes his head. "That is just like you, Demyx."

Demyx turns rather pink and opens his mouth to respond, but then Xigbar starts laughing.

"Yeah, knowing him, he probably flipped out and burned the castle to the ground, and _that's_ why we haven't heard nothing."

"Come on now," Demyx says, irritated. "I'm just saying, they're not gonna eat it that easily."

"Demyx is right," Roxas puts in.

"I notice that the weak always seem to band together," Saïx says without looking up. "Perhaps because they are so vulnerable when alone."

Xigbar snickers. Roxas glares at Saïx. He's sick of this. Saïx's dislike of him seems to have increased since the others left.

"Wasting time with insults. That's just like _you,_ Saïx," Roxas fires back. "Huh, I was under the impression that we were faced with a rather important problem, but I guess that's not as important as showing everyone just how _funny_ you are."

Xigbar whistles and Xaldin stifles a smile. Saïx finally looks up and his eyes meet Roxas's. His eyes are frigid. Roxas doesn't care; he's one up on the asshole.

"That's enough," the Superior says harshly. "I'll not have such pointless bickering. Now…it being only two days since I have heard from them, communication problems is of course a possibility. However, based on my own reasoning, I believe that the most likely case is mutiny."

"Whoa, whoa!" Xigbar protests, raising his hands. It's the first time Roxas has seen anyone interrupt the Superior. The others are all sitting up straight now, and even Saïx looks surprised. "Mutiny? Come on now, isn't it a little early to be…"

Xigbar trails off as the Superior's head turns slowly toward him.

"Are you questioning my judgment?" he asks.

"Er, uh, no," Xigbar says. "I just—yanno—it might be jumping to conclusions, is all I'm saying. I mean, someone betraying Organization Thirteen? Just ain't done."

"Indeed," the Superior says, and Xigbar breathes a sigh of relief as Xemnas's head turns away. "I said that this was based on my own reasoning. I in fact had a suspicion this would happen, and that was why I chose the team the way I did."

Everyone is silent now. Roxas is watching the Superior intently, confused.

_So Axel and Larxene weren't sent because they're fighters—they were sent for a different reason? Are they supposed to take down the traitors?_

A terrible thought suddenly occurs to Roxas: _Axel…what if Axel is the traitor? What if he betrayed the Organization?_

_Would he really do that?_

"In any case," the Superior goes on, "there is nothing we can do until we receive more information."

"We could always just go over there, dig up the traitor and kill him," Xaldin says.

The Superior chuckles. "We could indeed. But I think that, mutiny or not, things shall play out according to plan. I am interested to see what happens."

Roxas's gaze goes distant. _Mutiny…_

"But we'll—" Xigbar begins. Roxas never hears him finish. Suddenly pain blasts through his head, like a hot needle plunging into his sinuses. He takes his head in one hand, hiding his face before the others can see him. The pain intensifies and Roxas clutches at his hair, gritting his teeth.

Then, just like that, it's gone. Roxas lets out a shaky breath. He wipes sweat from his forehead surreptitiously and refocuses on the meeting.

_Damn…damn, that was a bad one. What the hell is going on?_

"That's true," Xemnas is saying. "But that was only one reason I called you here. Something else has come to my attention. With the defeat of the Heartless, Ansem, the worlds were once again separated and the pathways between them closed. The mass outpouring of Heartless was stopped, and now the worlds merely have the occasional problem with them. However, something else has also happened. The worlds overrun and torn apart by Heartless have been restored. Worlds hitherto inaccessible to us have now been opened. I have a feeling that many Heartless still reside in those worlds, as they were the hardest hit. These worlds must be explored; this means that the mission load will increase for everyone—especially considering that half of us are at work in Castle Oblivion."

Everyone is careful not to make sounds of disappointment. Roxas perks up a little. More missions. More worlds to explore. More Heartless to kill. Excellent.

"How many worlds?" Luxord asks. "What are their names, may I ask?"

"Approximately four," Xemnas responds. "I don't yet have their names. One is less a whole world than it is simply a castle. A second I know is partially a port town, supposedly rife with pirates. The third and fourth are set in China and the African savanna, respectively."

"Pirates, eh?" Luxord says, stroking his yellow beard. "How interesting."

"Yo, I'll take China," Xigbar says, raising a hand.

"Quite," the Superior agrees, nodding. "The world known as Hollow Bastion, once a Heartless stronghold, has been reclaimed by its former residents—but there are still a good deal of Heartless there. I want someone to investigate it as well. Number Seven, I leave that to you."

Saïx nods slowly.

"As for the remaining two worlds," the Superior says, his head turning to Xaldin, Demyx and Roxas. "Number Three will take the castle world. That leaves Number Nine and Number Thirteen to explore the savanna."

"Righto," Demyx says, saluting. He looks exciting.

_Africa…?_ _Well. There'll be monkeys there. And lions. Axel would…_

"That's decided," Xemnas says. "In the meantime, keep an ear out for any word from Team Oblivion. That is all."

Roxas runs his fingers through his hair. _Axel…what are you doing over there?_

-------

Roxas is walking to the castle entrance where Demyx said they'd meet. As he passes an open doorway something shoots out and grabs his hood. Roxas barely has time to yelp in surprise before whoever it is tosses him into the room. He hits the ground hard. The door slams shut.

He hears boots on a hard, tile floor and looks up to see Saïx standing over him, holding what could only be described as a giant sword. Roxas remembers its name a split second later—claymore. Which looks more like something you use to pulverize small things with than to cut.

Roxas is suddenly very, very aware of how small he is.

"I suppose you thought you were rather charming back there," Saïx says in a voice barely above a whisper. He doesn't sound angry, but he looks wild. His ice-colored hair is hanging in his face.

"What the hell are you doing?" Roxas hisses. He starts scooting backward. Saïx plants his massive sword into the floor near Roxas's head. Roxas freezes.

Saïx braces himself on the sword and leans down, peering at Roxas.

"You know, Roxas," he says in a conversational tone, "I don't particularly give a damn what people say about me. Especially not you. You are so very far beneath me. Perhaps you are congratulating yourself for displaying enough courage to insult me in front of the other Organization members."

Saïx reaches down and grabs Roxas by the coat, hauling him to his feet.

"But you see, Roxas, that's why I worry about you," he goes on. "You think yourself above everyone else. You think yourself special."

"I don't—"

Roxas is cut off as Saïx's fist connects with his stomach. He goes down on one knee.

_Shit,_ he thinks as he tries to regain his air. _Shit, this isn't good. _

"I've told you time and time again, Roxas. You're a freak. An over-confident one at that. I suppose that's Axel's influence. You two are such good _friends _now, aren't you?" Saïx points the claymore at Roxas's throat. "Let me tell you a little something about Axel, Roxas. He cares about nothing and no one but himself. If he saw an opportunity to claim a heart for himself, he would kill you if you stood in his way. He'd kill you even if you didn't, just to be sure. He's a Nobody, Roxas, like the rest of us. Nobodies don't have friends. Freaks even less so."

"Shut up," Roxas snaps, trying to stand. _Axel's not…_

"He would betray you. He would kill you. He would bring down this entire Organization if he thought it would further his own goals. Mark my words, Roxas—if the Oblivion Project does indeed go to hell, Axel will be the one to bring it down. He will be the one to mysteriously survive, while all the others die."

Roxas shoves the sword away. He grits his teeth as he climbs to his feet, his hands balling into fists. He says nothing. He doesn't want to believe it, but…

"How very pitiful," Saïx says in a sympathetic tone. "I did warn you, Roxas. Freaks like us never belong. Never. But you, you're an over-confidant freak. Over-confidence is the same as vanity, you know." Saïx's face seems to split into a grin. "I think you need to be brought down a notch."

He takes a step forward.

"You're fucking insane," Roxas says, flinching backward. His eyes dart every which way, searching for an exit. He's in a large, empty room; one whole wall is a window. The light of the false moon is shining through. Roxas knows this room; it's on the upper floors.

No one knows he's here.

"What are you going to do?" he snarls, his eyes locking on Saïx. Saïx grins.

"Do? You make me sound like a crazed killer," he says, chuckling. He points his claymore at Roxas. "Fight me."

"…What?"

"I want to show you just how pathetic you are," Saïx says, stepping forward, forcing Roxas to back away. "I want to show you how truly _special _you are. I want to break you."

_Shit, fuck, he really is nuts._

Roxas summons his Keyblade and holds it at the ready. There's no avoiding this. Saïx is advancing on him like a rabid wolf. There's nowhere for Roxas to go. No one is coming; the only one who can stop this is Roxas.

"Go ahead and try it," Roxas yells, stepping back into the shaft of moonlight.

Saïx lunges forward, impossibly fast, as if the massive sword weighs nothing. Roxas guards just in time, but the force of Saïx's attack shoves him backward.

As Saïx steps into the moonlight, something changes. A wild grin spreads across his face. His eyes seem to light up.

"By the way, Roxas," he says in a voice that's deeper than usual. "Have you ever wondered why I control the Berserkers?"

_Oh God…_

Saïx shoves, and suddenly he seems a thousand times stronger. Roxas stumbles and falls to the ground. Saïx breaks out laughing and inclines his head, looking out to the moon.

"I _love_ moonlight," he says in a voice not his own. "Don't _you?"_

_He's like a completely different person. This is bad…this is bad…_

Saïx lowers his head suddenly and his mad eyes meet Roxas's. It's then that Roxas realizes that he is shaking.

_Come on…come on! Stand up and fight him! What are you, helpless?! Get up!_

Saïx rushes forward and Roxas jumps up to meet him. There's a _clang_ as Keyblade meets sword and Roxas grits his teeth, leaning hard on his feet to keep from being shoved backwards.

It happens so fast that Roxas isn't even sure what happens. Suddenly Saïx drops, spins, and before Roxas can guard, the blunt side of the sword hits him in the side. He's thrown away like a ragdoll and rolls across the floor, coming to a stop on his back. He coughs and something black comes up, little flakes of Nothing.

Roxas scrambles to get up, but then Saïx is there, coming out of nowhere. Roxas dodges as Saïx swings the claymore, but it catches a glancing blow. Roxas hits a wall.

Saïx is laughing again, as if crazed.

"I should warn you. You know. When I'm fighting like this. I tend not to stop until there's no trace of my enemy left. It can be rather messy."

Roxas coughs and rolls up to his knees, spitting out bits of darkness onto the floor. "No way," he says, wiping his mouth.

"What? What was that?"

Roxas turns to glare at Saïx. "There's no way I'm letting you kill me here."

Roxas winces as he climbs to his feet. He stands up straight and points his Keyblade at Saïx, who grins.

_No holding back. He'll kill me if I hold back even a fraction. I'm not letting that happen. I have things I need to do._

This time it's Roxas who attacks first. He runs forward with a yell and swings the Keyblade for Saïx's middle. Saïx disappears; Roxas has no time to be startled. He raises his Keyblade in defense and spins as Saïx appears behind him, the claymore swinging downward. Roxas parries and thrusts the Keyblade into Saïx's stomach.

Saïx makes a gagging sound and stumbles backward. Roxas smirks and rushes past Saïx's guard, slashing him across the chest, forcing him back. He raises his Keyblade to attack again.

Then it happens. Like someone set fire to his brain.

Roxas screams and drops his Keyblade, covering his head with both hands. His nails dig into his scalp. But this time it's not going away. The pain continues, like his mind is being torn apart. He yells again, sinking to his knees.

_Not…now!_

He hears Saïx laughing through the haze of pain.

"Well, Roxas! Whatever is the matter? Having head trouble, are you?" Saïx breaks off laughing like a hyena. "I wonder why that could be?"

Saïx kicks him and Roxas goes down. He tries to crawl away, one hand still clutching his head. Saïx delivers a blow with his sword that sends Roxas flying. He rolls several feet before coming to a stop. His head pounds. He claws his free hand against the floor.

_Why isn't it stopping? Dammit! Come on! Work through it, get up, fight! If you don't, he—_

Something sharp finds his back. Roxas cries out and slides away across the tile floor.

Saïx clicks his tongue. "Poor boy."

Roxas can barely hear him. _It's too much…dammit, I can't even move…move, dammit!_

Saïx appears in his wavering vision and he kicks Roxas over onto his back. He then plants the foot on Roxas's chest. Roxas gags and tries to shove the foot off, but then the pain in his head flares up and he crushes one hand against his head with a muffled cry.

"You poor little thing," Saïx says, increasing the pressure. "Just look at you, Roxas. Look how pathetic you are."

Roxas coughs and darkness like blood comes up.

_Pathetic…he's right…_

Saïx removes his foot and reaches down, lifting Roxas off the ground. He looks him in the face and sighs heavily. The insane light leaves his eyes. Then he tosses Roxas aside as if he weighs nothing.

Saïx covers his face with one hand. "Oh, what am I doing," he mutters. "What am I doing?" He pauses. "You're too pathetic to kill."

Roxas lays on his side, staring up at Saïx, panting. He blinks as he realizes the pain in his head is leaving. His entire body feels drained; he can barely move.

The fight is over.

Saïx's hand slides down to cover his mouth and he looks over at Roxas on the ground.

"There's no point in denying it, Roxas," he says, and he sounds like his normal self again. As if it's normal. "The sooner you accept your own weakness, that you're simply a pathetic, worthless nothing, the happier you'll be. No one cares about you anyway, Axel least of all. If you were to disappear, no one would even notice. If you simply vanished, nothing would change. The world would continue to turn without you. It's the same for any of us. You've just deluded yourself into thinking you're worth anything."

The sword disappears with a puff of shadows and Saïx starts to walk away, leaving Roxas on the floor. Anger floods Roxas's veins like never before.

"Wait," he says between gasps of air. "I can still fight."

Saïx doesn't look back or even stop walking.

"If you tell anyone about this…" he says, "I really will kill you."

And then, with a swirl of darkness, he's gone. Roxas slumps to the floor. He presses his forehead to the cool tile, watching the little twists of darkness leak out of him.

_I lost…_

Beside him his hand contorts into a fist.

He lets out a roar that echoes in the empty room and punches the floor. He hears something crack in his hand, but he doesn't care. He doesn't care. Nothing matters.

-------

Demyx stands up straight from leaning against a wall and fixes Roxas with a dirty look when he sees him coming.

"Half an hour late!" he says. "You could have at least…whoa. Dude. What the hell happened?"

Roxas looks himself over. His coat is torn, his gloves have split, and he's pretty sure his face has seen better days. Even his hair seemed to have lost its will and is hanging down in his eyes.

Roxas avoids Demyx's eyes. "Heartless. The city. They were…" Roxas trails off with a shrug.

"Oh," Demyx says, eyes brightening with dawning comprehension. "So Saïx gave you his 'bring you down a notch' speech, huh?"

Roxas flinches and doesn't answer.

"Hm. Sure took him awhile. Only took him a week with me," Demyx says, rubbing the back of his head and giving Roxas a knowing look. "Well, I guess cause Axel was here."

Roxas grinds his teeth; he's going to chip a tooth if he keeps this up. _As if I want his fucking protection. Axel…I'm so sick of thinking about him._

"Don't take it personal. Saïx hates everyone. He just especially hates people with attitudes. And…weak people." Demyx trails off, looking distant. But then he grins rather nastily. "But you know what? There's always sweet revenge. You know the bathroom on the third floor? Did you know he avoids it like a _plague_ these days? Hasn't gone in once, not since…heh. Let's just say there's a lot you can do with water."

Demyx snickers, but Roxas ignores him. He doesn't want to be cheered up.

Demyx seems to notice. "Hey, man. Don't let him get to you. Look, what with Hollow Bastion, he's gonna be gone for awhile. You take the day off, I'll go to that new world alone. Sleep it off, no one'll notice."

Roxas narrows his eyes. _"If you were to disappear, no one would even notice."_

"I don't need a day off," Roxas snaps, more viciously than he intended. "I'm _fine."_

Demyx folds his arms, giving him a "don't bullshit me" look. "Uh-huh. Did he go all moonlight crazy on you?"

Roxas looks away. He's shaking again, with anger this time. He wants to kill something.

_Saïx…_

"Yeah, thought so" Demyx concludes. "Take the day off, man. I won't tell the Superior."

He waves his hand and a dark portal opens beside him. Roxas stands, shaking, eyes downcast.

"Hey man, really," Demyx says, sounding concerned. "Don't worry about it, okay? Just make plans on how to get back at him. Kill him maybe, do us all a favor."

Demyx smiles gently and steps into the portal.

As soon as he's gone, Roxas's strength gives out. He sinks to his knees.

_He was right,_ he thinks. _I'm pathetic._

Roxas crawls to the wall and leans back against it. He looks at his broken hand. It's hardly as bad as the dull ache still in his head. Or the pain where his heart was.

_I'll get stronger. Someday…I'll fight him again. I'll fight him and kill him. I'll destroy him._

There's a flash of pain in his head and Roxas hisses through his teeth.

_Why…_he thinks. _Why is this happening to me?_

--------------------------------------------

Nyeh…more violence. Poor Roxas. Our little angst-bucket needs a hug, methinks.

I dunno about this chapter. I hope it wasn't too weird. It was pretty humorless. Some people might take issue with my Saïx characterization, but this is just how I see him. He's an interesting character with a lot of layers, so I hope that came through (if he came off as just a psycho-sadist, I'm sorry).

Anyway, Chapter 8 after another long wait. Hope you like! Feedback is candy for my soul.

The title is "Moonlight" in Latin.


	9. Building a Bomb

**Disclaimer:** I'm not Nomura.

------------------------------------------

Not That I Care

9

Building a Bomb

_I don't know what to say about it_

_When all you ears have turned away,_

_But now's the time to look and look again_

_At what you see—_

_Is that the way it ought to stay?_

_--Led Zeppelin_

It's pretty cool, playing the traitor. It's surprisingly easy, too. Axel wonders what that says about his character. Not that he cares. Much.

Not that Marluxia or Larxene—the real traitors—know that Axel is in on it. Something has happened to the Castle Oblivion Team; no one _talks_ anymore. Well, technically the Organization Nobodies were _never_ a talkative bunch, but it was different back in the Castle That Never Was. There they had meetings; there, if something interesting was happening in Agrabah, everyone in the Organization knew about it, because Xemnas made _sure _everyone knew about it. But Marluxia doesn't hold meetings. Information stays with a select few. For instance, Zexion didn't know until very recently that Sora was even in the building. And Zexion has also chosen not to tell the people topside that he scented the witch, Maleficient, as well as Riku—a friend of Sora's, and someone who could potentially destroy the experiment—wandering around the basements. Even Axel wouldn't know about it if he wasn't also good at playing the spy.

In any case, he likes to stay on top of things.

The Superior's absence is only part of it—the main reason why no one is talking to each other is that the team has virtually split down the middle. Of course, Axel saw that coming. There's Marluxia and Larxene—who actually _do_ talk to each other—trading info and secrets and scheming together to take over Sora. Then there's The Scientists, the guys who haven't left the basements in who knows how long, who hate Marluxia and are scheming together to take over Riku. What they intend to do with him, Axel's not sure. It's all very complex. Axel likes complex things. Not only are they interesting, but they tend to break in the most delightful ways.

The tension between the two groups is almost palpable, like the friction that precedes a fire. It's only a matter of time before something explodes.

It's awesome. Axel loves explosions.

Which is why he's kicking back to let things unfold. Let Marluxia think Axel is on his side. Let the scientists think he's on their side. Axel is on no one's side.

Well, that's not entirely true. Whoever wins—that's whose side he's on. He'll pick when it comes to it, he supposes. For now it's fun just to watch them, busy as termites, plotting and whispering and maneuvering.

"Vexen as a termite," Axel says aloud, snapping a book closed. "There's an image."

He looks down at the book on his lap. A history on Keyblades—some shit about some Keyblade War or something. So many thoughts are going through his head, it was hard to pay attention.

He's trying. Really, he is. Even with the tangled mess that the Oblivion Project has become, what Axel _really_ wants to focus on is his own research. His own, individual goal. He can't tell Roxas anything about Sora, but there _has_ to be something out there that will help. Something that will save Roxas.

Axel hasn't learned much; he hasn't had time. The only reason he's reading now is because Sora is in one of his illusionary worlds, and things are relatively quiet. But the things he has learned are all rather worrying. Nobodies have been around as long as there have been Heartless, even Nobodies with the power of the Organization, but never before has a Nobody been able to wield a Keyblade. Then again, the idea of a Keyblade Master becoming a Heartless, and thus creating a Nobody, is pretty much unprecedented.

And how about Naminè? There's something interesting, too. She's the Nobody of a _princess._ That also just doesn't happen.

"Well," Axel says to himself, scratching his head. "Technically, Nobodies in and of themselves aren't supposed to happen, either. Just a regular bucketful of paddoxes. Or wait, that's not the word. Pada…para, para-something."

Axel tosses the book on his bed and gets to his feet. He'll get no more research done, not now with his head buzzing. A walk, that's what he needs. And maybe to burn something. Axel snaps his fingers, calling up a brief spark, then puts it out. He pulls on his coat and leaves the room, heading down the white halls.

White halls. White floors. White ceilings. Axel is remembering why exactly it is that he _doesn't_ take walks around this godforsaken castle when Larxene appears out of nowhere. Axel just manages to stop himself from jumping.

"You know, it's not the best idea to startle the guy who controls fire," Axel points out.

Larxene gives him a placid look. "Funny, I thought you of all people simply _didn't_ startle," she says. "And I think it would be worse to startle the girl who can control lightning. Not that it's possible."

"The Lightning Bitch Queen."

"And don't forget it. Or—what is it you say, commit it to memory?"

Axel grins, and Larxene smiles back. She smiles more often, lately. Must be because of the damage she's causing. Or maybe she's just happy.

"So what's up?"

Larxene's smile changes to her more familiar evil grin. "Little Sora's on his way here. Dear sweet Naminè has been working her magic. Looks like Sora's 'memories' are starting to take hold. Bit by bit he's forgetting Kairi and remembering Naminè."

"Well, then, I wonder how far the kid's gonna get."

"He's on his way here," Larxene adds, in the tone of someone who has found a sleek new toy to play with.

"Uh-huh. And you think it's time for another test."

A test. That's all that fight between Axel and Sora was, a test. A test for Marluxia to find out just what they were dealing with; a test for Axel to find out just how much Sora is like Roxas. Axel got his answer—and, like he had thought, the answer scared him.

Axel doesn't admit to fear, not even to himself, usually. He's a Nobody; he's not supposed to _feel_ fear. But that's what it was when Sora shoved him back and Axel raised his arms to stop the fight and say that Sora had passed. The fight was scary.

Personality-wise, Sora couldn't be more different from Roxas. Sora's an optimist, Roxas is a pessimist. Sora is cheerful, Roxas is—let's face it—angsty. But in terms of how they fight, they're incredibly similar. Ruthless. Determined. Neither of them ever give up. If Roxas and Sora fought, Axel isn't sure who would win. And that scares him.

The others—Marluxia, Vexen, the rest of them—have no idea what they're dealing with.

"Of course," Larxene answers, voice like a razor in a sugar bowl. "You had all the fun back on the first floor. It's my turn to play."

"Your turn, huh? Fine. Just remember, we have to deliver him in one piece," Axel says. Yeah, Sora is an incredible fighter, but he's also sweet, and he's also a kid. Between Naminè's memory implants and Larxene's mind games, Sora is in a fragile state. A damaged weapon tends not to work as well.

Axel wonders, briefly, whether the experiment on Sora is affecting Roxas.

"My, my, Axel," Larxene says, putting her hands on her hips. "You're worried about Sora now?"

"Well, he is partly one of us. Half. Maybe a third."

"But Sora isn't a Nobody, Axel. Roxas is. He's who you're worried about, aren't you? Nice as it is that you, someone incapable of friendship, has found a 'friend,' you needn't worry. I won't break the toy. Toys are for playing with. You only break them when you're done with them."

Axel has a flash of a three-year-old Larxene taking hammer to a pile of dolls and toy cars and cackling like the Wicked Witch.

"You know, I think you were traumatized as a child," Axel muses. Larxene just smiles, turning away.

Axel watches her walking away down the halls, chewing the inside of his lip, deciding.

Oh, what the hell. He's always been reckless.

"Just remember," he says when she's several feet away. "Sora's the key. We need him…if we're going to take the Organization."

There it is, out in the open. Larxene comes to a halt. She turns back and looks back at him, eyes wide, genuinely startled. Axel smirks to himself. So much for Larxene never being surprised.

But then she smiles, wide and real. There's evil there, because Larxene is never without it, but she's also…happy, Axel realizes. She wants Axel on her side.

_Damn…_

"So you're in on it too, huh? How interesting. Well. Nice to have more than one ally. I probably don't need to tell you, but keep it under your hood until the opportune time."

With that, she smiles again—that same, painfully genuine smile—and disappears into a dark portal.

Axel stares at where she was standing for awhile. He sighs. He folds his arms. He tells himself that it doesn't matter; he doesn't care, after all.

"You should have just done the same, Larxene," he says to the empty hall.

-------

The fight, decidedly, does not go well.

Not that Axel is that sadistic, but there's something rather funny about watching Larxene get her ass handed to her by a kid. For someone so adamant about never losing, for someone so gung-ho, for someone who can control _lightning_ for God's sake, simply the _idea_ of Larxene getting pummeled is humorous.

Sora delivers the final blow—a Keyblade straight to Larxene's shoulder—and she jumps away. "Throwing the battle," she'll say later. She then, true to form, takes about five minutes to mock and insult Sora.

Oh well. They've accomplished what was intended. Sora has passed the test with flying colors—he now "remembers" Kairi's name as Naminè. There's something kind of horrifying about it, even to Axel. Only a few days and Sora has all but forgotten the person he went to the ends of the universe for. Poor Kairi. Poor Sora. Axel wonders what Naminè thinks of the whole thing.

_Can't blame her, I suppose. She just wants what everyone wants._

Axel grows bored of Larxene torturing Sora and takes a dark portal to the seventh floor to wait for her. She isn't long in coming. When she steps out of the darkness her hair is disheveled, her face is red and dust is leaking from her, piling on the floor. She spots Axel, grins and smoothes out her hair.

"Hoo-boy," she says. "That was tiring. Much as I hate throwing the battle…"

_Called it,_ Axel thinks. And because he can't resist, he says,

"Threw the battle, huh? Naaahh, I think the noun here is _straight-up fucking lost_ the battle, hon."

The red in her face deepens. Her gloves squeak as her hands ball into fists.

"You shit," she says. "You know, there's more to battle than just _winning_ and _losing._ You just don't—"

"Axel, amazingly enough, is right. Your performance was embarrassing, Larxene," someone interrupts, and out of a dark portal steps Vexen.

Larxene does a double-take. "Vexen!"

Even Axel is surprised. He hasn't even seen Vexen in about four days now.

"Beaten by a child. An _insect._ It's pathetic."

Larxene does a rather impressive imitation of an incensed panther. Vexen ignores her.

"What's up, Vexen? You're doing way too important things to leave the basements, aren't you?" Axel puts in. He almost wants to ask Vexen about Riku—the real Riku, the one creeping undetected through the basements. Along with the strange one with him, the one even Zexion, with his bloodhound nose, couldn't identify. Of course, mentioning it would give Axel away.

"Well, of course I'm worried about how laymen like yourselves are doing up here. I have every belief that your handling of little Sora is at best unprofessional and at worst, simply pitiful. I'm thinking an experiment would help."

"Oh, God," Larxene says, rubbing a spot on her side surreptitiously. "And inevitably it comes back to experiments with you, it's _always_ experiments. And you say _I'm_ pathetic."

"I'm a scientist, Larxene, it's what I do," Vexen says, glaring at her.

Larxene is fingering her kunai daggers by now. Much as Axel would love to let things blow up, explosions withheld till the last second always make for prettier fireworks. He steps between them.

"Now, now, children, play nice," he says. "Vexen, if you're so desperate to test your new toy, go ahead."

Vexen flushes red. "Toy! _Toy?!_ Do you have _no_ understanding of the _research,_ the _data,_ the _long hours_ that go into creating something like—?"

"Oh, please," Larxene says, folding her arms and grinning wickedly. "He's a toy and nothing else."

Vexen looks ready to prove the existence of human combustion, but then he just throws up his hands.

"Why did I expect such complicated things like science and research to be understood by the likes of you two animals?"

He turns away gestures to a spot in the corner. "Come out, Riku. Let's show these idiots just what science can accomplish."

Darkness flickers. Out of it steps a boy, a little older than Sora and about a head taller. His hair is pale gray and his eyes are turquoise. He's wearing dark clothes that look like something the former leader of the Heartless would wear. In fact, he reminds Axel in a bad way of Ansem—or Xehanort, rather. And of Xemnas, who, after all, is a part of Xehanort.

But this isn't the real Riku. He's just a replica; a copy, another factor in the struggle to take over Sora's mind. Even Axel has to admit—Vexen has outdone himself this time. A fully-formed clone, whose mind is far more malleable than Sora's.

Axel wonders what the real Riku is like. Not that he particularly cares.

"Idiots, huh?" the Replica says. "They look it."

"Don't they?" Vexen says, patting the Replica's shoulder.

Larxene is all but ignoring him. She snorts and looks at Vexen. "I suppose you want him to face Sora to mess with his head."

The Riku Replica glares at her. _"I_ want to fight Sora. Beating him is just one step closer to—"

But Vexen has moved away from him and cuts him off.

"Of course I do. If Sora sees his old friend turning against him once again, he'll be disheartened. His mind will be even easier for Naminè to control."

The Replica is looking between them, angry at being ignored. "Vexen, you said that fighting Sora will help me become real."

It's then that Axel realizes just what Vexen has brought into this world. He has created a Nobody. Axel stares at the Replica—no wonder he has the same feeling about him as both the Xehanort Heartless and Xemnas himself. This Riku Replica is less than nothing; a Nobody in the purest of senses, without even a Heartless running around, or a former true self. To _willingly_ create such a thing…

A flame appears in Axel's hand and he makes a fist to snuff it before the others see. It's lucky that Vexen isn't looking at him; Axel is good at a poker face, but he doesn't think even he could conceal his hatred right now. Axel remembers well what it was like to become a Nobody. For a Nobody to _create_ another Nobody is beyond abominable. Even by Axel's standards. Using people, manipulating people, killing them, that's all good and fine, but no one in the Organization—no one but Vexen—would even consider creating another Nobody.

Axel looks at the Riku Replica and for the first time in a long time, he feels the shadow of what he once knew as sympathy.

Larxene finally seems to notice the Replica and she turns to him, smiling sweetly. "Of course that's what'll happen. You play by our rules, and we can make you real. Or we could just have Naminè make you forget the minor detail that you're a fake. Better yet, we could rebuild your heart so that you're just—like—Riku."

Riku Replica seems to finally realize that neither Vexen nor Larxene exactly have his interests at heart. So to speak. He steps backward, narrowing his eyes.

"I don't want Riku's heart, he's a loser and a coward. He rejects the darkness, I embrace it! I want my _own_ heart, a heart that can handle that darkness!"

But they're ignoring him again.

"I'm sure you don't have any objections, Vexie," Larxene says in a sugary tone.

Vexen just shrugs. "Naturally."

"What?" the Replica cries. "No! You're not going to use me!"

He dives for Larxene with a roar, but even injured she's lithe as ever. She knocks him back as if he's nothing. Which he is. Vexen pulls his arms behind his back.

"Pathetic little toy," Larxene spits. "But don't worry. In a few minutes, you'll be living a sweet little lie. You won't remember ever being fake. Now isn't that nice of us?"

"No!" the Replica howls as Larxene and Vexen proceed to drag him away, to Naminè. _"No!"_

Axel watches them go without a word, his face expressionless. He stands there for a long time after the Riku Replica's yells have faded. Fire tickles his palms and knuckles.

Axel doesn't care about the Replica. The Replica shouldn't have existed in the first place. It's Vexen he's thinking of. The bastard has gone too far. Is this what the Organization has come to?

Damn scientists.

Axel has always hated Vexen, but now he has a good excuse to do the thing he's been wanting to do for a long time. He's sick of this place, sick of the experiment. It would be best to just blow everything up. And Axel thinks he has an idea of how to do it.

It's complex, but Axel likes complex things. Bombs are complex, after all.

-------

When Axel enters the white room, Naminè has her face buried in her hands.

"Well, well," Axel says. "I guess some Nobodies _can_ cry."

Naminè looks up at his approach, startled. She wipes her face and brushes her blonde hair out of her eyes.

"I wasn't crying," she says, calm as can be.

"Uh-huh," Axel says, leaning against the far wall. "You're having second thoughts?"

Naminè says nothing.

"Poor you. Must suck, having a bunch of assholes like me telling you what to do, making you do such mean things to poor Sora. But it also means _you'll_ get a real life as well, right? You'll get to take the place of Kairi."

Naminè gives the slightest shake of her head. "He'll never be able to fully forget Kairi. I may be the other side of her, but I can't take her place. No matter…what I do."

Axel gives her a long look.

"I know how you feel," he says at length. "But I guess that's what it comes to in the end, innit? Nobodies can't be Somebodies."

He says it because it's the truth. He thinks he knew it all along, though he couldn't admit it until now. Axel has always been the disillusioned sort, even back when he had a real name and a real life. The Organization doesn't matter anymore. From the start their goals were unreachable. They can collect all the hearts they want, complete Kingdom Hearts, and it won't change anything. Nobodies can't be Somebodies. That's all there is to it.

Naminè hangs her head, her fingers curling in her lap.

"So we just gotta make the best of what we've got, I suppose," Axel says, standing up straight. "It may be a half-life, but we can still have some fun with it."

He crosses the room to the table and leans across it, palms down. He realizes he's shaking a little, though whether it's from fear or excitement he can't tell. He has never before committed an act of treason as great as what he's about to do. Axel is sure he'll die for it, one way or another.

The resulting explosion better be worth it.

"But you know, if you don't like it—screwing with Sora's head, I mean," Axel says, and pauses for effect, "I'm sure there's…_something_ you could do."

Naminè stares at him and slowly, as the truth dawns on her, her eyes widen.

"You…mean…?"

"Think about it," Axel says, grinning and pulling away. He opens a dark portal. "I'm the only one here on _your_ side, Naminè. Commit _that_ to memory."

And he disappears before Naminè can respond. The fuse has been lit.

--------------------------------------------------

Well, finally Chapter Nine is here. Sorry it took so long! Midterms, other projects, and life in general, they all tend to pile up. In any case, I hope this chapter is satisfactory. This took me longer to write than any of the others, mostly because I kept having to go back and change things so that it's in accordance with canon—so I'm not sure of its quality. But now I have a sound plan for how to carry out the rest of the CoM arc, so, woot!

Fall break is coming up, so hopefully the next chapter won't be too long in coming. Thanks for everyone who's been putting up with the long gaps between chapters. It means a lot to me that you've kept with it!

Feedback is candy for my soul.


	10. Kingdom Animalia

**Disclaimer:** If I was Nomura, I wouldn't be writing fanfic. I'd be sitting in a penthouse somewhere with a hot tub and indoor bowling alley and all the strawberry daiquiris and chocolate cake I could ever want, contemplating my current fortune made off of the Kingdom Hearts franchise and considering making my next fortune on Kingdom Hearts III, which I will create with a kickass storyline, kickass graphics, and just maybe a return of the Organization the fans love so much.

But unfortunately I'm not Nomura.

----------------------------------------

Not That I Care

10

Kingdom Animalia

_Do you believe_

_In what you see?_

_Motionless wheel_

_Nothing is real._

_--Zero 7_

Demyx said that there was a surprise in store concerning the Pride Lands, but Roxas never expected anything like this.

First of all, he's a lion. A freaking _lion._ Well, a lion cub to be exact, which is kind of annoying and damaging to Roxas's ego, but that's okay. He's still a freaking _lion._ Fur, tail, claws, fangs, paws, the beginnings of a mane—the works. It's awkward at first; Roxas hasn't gone around on all fours since…well, he can't remember _since,_ but he's told that babies do it all the time. There's also an achy feeling that Roxas figures comes from stretching his very essence into an inhuman shape, though that's starting to fade. And the Keyblade is rather unwieldy since he has to carry it between his teeth, which not only makes him look ridiculous but makes him tip over a lot. Roxas never thought he would so appreciate opposable thumbs. But he has claws that can gut a zebra and teeth that can kill a water buffalo and there is _power_ surging through every vessel and muscle unlike anything he has ever experienced before, and that makes up for any of the lion-shape's shortcomings.

Second of all, there's the Pride Lands themselves. They're _beautiful._ Wide grassland stretching miles and miles in every direction, an azure, cloudless sky, herds of zebra, gazelles, water buffalo, flocks of incredibly colored birds—everything Roxas hoped to find in an African savanna and more. Pride Rock is something else entirely; a giant rock formation like fingers against the sky. Roxas wonders what the view is like from the top, and decides that one day he has to find out.

"Man, every time I come here, I'm telling you," Demyx says beside him, laughing. Unlike Roxas, Demyx is a wild dog, with huge ears and a wolf's grin. "It's like music, man, total escapism. No more of that Organization bullshit."

Roxas bears his lion teeth in a grin. This is his third time here, and he couldn't agree more. Maybe it has to do with all the openness, the wide savanna and wider sky, or the animal power rushing through his veins, but here Roxas feels free. Totally and completely. There's no sense of Nobody-ness here. There's no Organization. There's hardly any Heartless, at least so far. There's no Saïx. There are no steadily worsening reports of the Oblivion Project. Even Roxas's headaches aren't as bad when he comes here. They're getting increasingly worse back at the castle, coupled now with fatigue and dizziness. But there's none of that here. Here it's just the sky, the savanna, and the pulse of life all around.

"I could live here," Roxas says, bobbing his head as if in agreement.

"Oh totally," Demyx says, sitting down to scratch an itch with his hind leg. "I would too, but there's not much water, plus it'd be hard to get a band together out here."

"A band? Are you serious?"

"Well, sure. That's the first thing I'm doing once I get a heart—getting a band together. I've wanted to pretty much forever; though, I suppose a sitar never really factored into it. Or, yanno, losing my heart and all. I was in a band before that though—played guitar. Anyway, music's the only thing I'm really good at."

He says this last with a touch of bitterness, despite his wild dog smile.

"You're good with water, and you're fine at fighting."

"And that's the only thing that matters with us, isn't it?" Demyx says, and he laughs. "Maybe I'm okay, but I don't _like_ fighting, and that's a major part of it. Right? All the other guys _like_ it. I'm just not cut out for it. Aside from Zexion, I'm the worst fighter in the Organization."

"Which isn't saying much," Roxas points out, though he thinks he understands. The only reason he likes killing Heartless is because they're the ones who took his heart—and his memories. That's reason enough for Roxas and the rest of the Organization, but Demyx seems closer to his past than any of the others. There are times when Roxas wonders if Demyx really doesn't have a heart.

Demyx laughs. "Yeah, but it's enough." He points his snout westwards, just to the left of Pride Rock. "I thought I saw some Heartless lurking in the shadows over there the other day. I say we check it out."

Roxas bares his teeth in a smile as he trots after Demyx.

"But taking the scenic route, right?" he says.

Demyx laughs again, barking a little. "Have you looked around you lately?"

"That's my point," Roxas says, looking out across the savanna again. The passage of the two predators startles a herd of gazelle into a run. Roxas can smell them, and a lion's purr rises in his chest. It's amazing how much he can smell. The hot, dusty earth, the dry grass, the distant watering hole, the animals. Each individual zebra and gazelle and bird and mouse has its own distinct smell. It's overwhelming, and Roxas closes his eyes briefly as he inhales. _There should be names for all these smells,_ he thinks.

He opens his eyes again in time to see three lionesses instigating an attack against a zebra with a bad leg. They move as if they're made of light and air.

_I really could live here,_ Roxas thinks again. _I have to show this place to Axel someday. _

-------

Roxas didn't expect to find Heartless. He knew Demyx only brought them up to change the subject. Which is why it's a surprise when they find a veritable horde of them in the shadowed place where the hyenas live.

The hyenas themselves regard the wild dog and the lion cub from a distance as the two fight, as if taking notes, chuckling to themselves in an eerie and rather distracting way. It's hard enough to fight with a Keyblade on four legs without having to listen to the annoying cackles of the hyenas.

"You'd think they'd run for it," Demyx says during a lull in the battle. He's up on his hind legs with his sitar between his front paws. "They have to sense that Heartless are dangerous."

"They're scavengers," Roxas says. "They're waiting to see if we die or not. If we do, they can pick at us. If we don't, they think we'll be too weak to fight them off. Either way, they're looking to get something out of this. Hyenas are like that."

"On nobody's side except their own, huh?" Demyx says with a grin, eyeing a Shadow Heartless that's creeping up from the side. "Kind of like Nobodies then."

"In any case, I'm more worried about the Heartless right now," Roxas says, and the Keyblade appears between his teeth as he pounces for a strange-looking Heartless he has never seen before. It almost seems animal-like.

It takes awhile, but the Heartless are eventually defeated. Roxas has a few cuts and can feel darkness matting his fur; Demyx is leaking darkness from a wound on his haunches. Roxas looks around, expecting to have to fight the hyenas now, but they've disappeared.

"Guess they decided we're too much for them," Roxas says, sitting down, panting. Demyx lies down with a grateful sigh, exhausted.

"That was interesting," Demyx says. "I've seen one or two here, but never so many at once. I wonder what it means. And did you see those odd-ball ones?"

"Like rhinoceroses?"

"Rhinoceri?"

"Rhinoceroseses?"

"Rhinos—it's easier. Yeah, them."

"They're tough," Roxas says, frowning.

Demyx chuckles. "You look like such a lion when you do that."

"Shut up. We're going to have to report this. The Superior will want to know."

"True," Demyx agrees. "Let's head back then."

"Well…" Roxas begins, stops, then decides to go for it. "The shift's not over."

Demyx looks at him, and a tooth gets caught on his lip as he smiles. "Yeah. There might be _others_ wandering around."

"You never know."

"You never know," Demyx agrees, his tail thumping. "We should go out and hunt for more Heartless while conveniently enjoying the scenery and fresh air."

"We should," Roxas says with a solemn nod. "It's very important."

Demyx bobs his head in agreement, grinning widely now.

It's getting easier to talk with Demyx as if he's a friend. Demyx is kind of like Axel, except without the abrasiveness, the sarcasm, and the feeling that if things went hairy there's a chance he'd stab you in the back and leave you to die.

And the mean-spirited personality. And the antagonistic relationship with just about everyone else in the Organization. And the tendency to mock anything _anyone _ever says. And the hair.

Alright, Demyx technically isn't _at all_ like Axel. The only thing the two really have in common is a sense of humor that doesn't—or doesn't_ always,_ in Axel's case—involve killing things.

Which is a rather nice change. The castle is a suffocating place without at least some sense of humor. Before, Axel was the only one to provide it. And back in the castle, Axel _is_ the only one to provide it; Demyx becomes a lot less interesting when the rest of the Organization is around. Which is another reason that Roxas likes the Pride Lands. Demyx can be himself here.

In spite of the fur and teeth.

_He's a nice guy,_ Roxas thinks, watching him._ Too nice for the Organization. He's completely beholden to them._

"Well, let's go hunt down those _other_ Heartless, shall we?" Demyx says, hauling himself to his feet.

"I'm afraid Roxas has wasted enough time in this pointless world," says a new voice, and Demyx freezes where he stands. Roxas's eyes narrow and he looks over his shoulder; he'd know that voice anywhere.

Saïx is standing behind them, though at first glance it's hard to tell. He's in the form of a leopard with dark, almost-black fur. The only giveaway is the ruff of bluish fur on his head.

He looks himself over and smiles vaguely. "Well, isn't this interesting. This is quite the form—sleek, powerful, deadly."

"Why are you here, Saïx?" Roxas snaps. Demyx hasn't moved, and his eyes are wide. The fur on his hackles is standing on end.

_Case in point,_ Roxas thinks, and sighs to himself.

Saïx lifts a paw to inspect his razor-sharp claws. "And aren't you two simply adorable; a puppy dog and a kitten. Quite the duo. I must say, you're utterly terrifying."

"Yeah? And who do you think would win, a lion against a leopard?" Roxas says in growl. Saïx eyes him over his paw. It was a dumb thing to say. Leopards are dangerous. They're secretive. They're the ghosts of the savanna. A full-grown lion would have no problem with a leopard—Roxas thinks—but a leopard could easily kill a cub.

Roxas frowns to himself. _You're thinking about this like we're animals. Stop that._

Then, _Am I so sure he's _not _an animal?_

"Xemnas wants you to go immediately to Wonderland," Saïx says in a low tone. "It seems there is trouble there."

"Why me?"

"Everyone else is busy, I'm afraid," Saïx says languidly. "The new worlds are filling rapidly with Heartless, and Hollow Bastion is seeing an increase in numbers as well. While we fight, you two are gallivanting around the savanna watching the pretty striped ponies."

"But," Demyx says, swallowing and mustering his courage, "there are Heartless here too. We just fought a whole group of them. New ones, too, ones we haven't seen before. I might need Roxas with me."

Saïx's yellow eyes settle on Demyx with a leopard's distaste. "I'm sure you'll be just fine, Demyx. And even if you do die, it won't be very great a loss."

Demyx's ears are back against his head and he's glaring at Saïx, but he doesn't move or speak. The leopard snorts and turns its head to Roxas.

"The Superior does not like to have his orders ignored, Roxas."

Roxas looks sidelong toward Demyx, but Demyx isn't looking at him.

"Fine," Roxas says. Anything to get away from Saïx at this point. He hates to leave Demyx on his own, but orders are orders.

He turns tail and opens a dark portal. "I'm gone," he says, and is.

-------

It's a sea of darkness, peppered with little glowing eyes. It's like looking down to see the night sky. Roxas has never seen so many Heartless in one place, though most are the weaker kind. Not that it matters; their numbers make up for the weakness. As soon as he carves a hole through them, more spring up in the place of the fallen. The sky above is lit with rose light, cast by the tiny hearts that flow upward in a veritable stream.

"'It seems there is _trouble_ there,'" Roxas snarls to himself as he swings his Keyblade through a mass of Shadows. "Yeah, just a _little."_

Roxas goes into a crazy spin, his Keyblade whipping into a silver blur around him. There's so many of them. He needs to get his back to something. He's in the queen's garden right now, and there isn't much in the way of walls or cliffs; just large hedges, which are no problem for the Heartless to break through.

This is bad.

The Heartless are swarming him again, a tidal wave of dark bodies, glowing eyes and little antennae. Roxas swings, dodges, thrusts, swings again. Fire explodes in the corner of his eye and Roxas ducks as three Red Nocturnes zip by overhead like flying red lanterns. Two Large Bodies charge him, forcing Roxas to dive aside, straight into a mass of more Shadows.

_Alright,_ Roxas thinks, _no more playing around._

Roxas swings his Keyblade in a wide arc, taking out six or seven Heartless at once. Then he takes off running. The Heartless react with shrill cries of surprise and follow.

Roxas makes it through the gate into the area beyond the queen's garden, a foresty place like one of Dr. Seuss's nightmares. As soon as he's there he rushes for a corner walled in by bushes and giant mushrooms. There he skids to a stop and spins around, waiting for the Heartless.

The Yellow Operas, Heartless like yellow lanterns, are the first to appear, followed by their red and blue kin. The Shadows and Large Bodies come bursting in after, a wave of darkness about to break against a cliff. Roxas grins to himself; they've played right into his trap.

And that's when his head seems to split down the middle.

Roxas drops to his knees. The headache is like no other. They've been getting steadily worse, so he should have seen this kind of pain coming, should have been ready for it—but nothing could have prepared him for this pain.

Roxas lets go of the Keyblade and it vanishes. He presses both hands to his head and screams. He can't help himself; it hurts so _much._ Everything looks as if it's been painted red and his vision is flashing, blurring, pulsing. A dark wave is coming toward him, and Roxas can do nothing. Nothing matters, nothing exists outside this pain.

But then, as suddenly as it began, the pain fades. Roxas's vision goes white. He squints against the light and the shape of a person appears in the whiteness.

The person is a girl. She's about Roxas's age, with pinkish hair and eyes like the ocean. She isn't looking at Roxas; her gaze is somewhere else, on something in the distance, something Roxas can't see.

"It's okay," the girl says, in a voice like clear water. "I believe in you."

_Kairi…_

Then, just like that, the girl is gone. There's a flash of brilliant light and Roxas's hands close on what feel like Keyblade handles. His vision clears.

Two Keyblades. He's holding two Keyblades.

_Two?! How?!_

They're completely different from the original. Both are ornate, looking even less like keys than before. Both have handles that look like wings. One is black; the other is a silvery-white. The black one has a powerful, foreboding air to it; the silver-white one feels warm beneath Roxas's gloved hand. Roxas can feel sheer power running through both of them. It reminds him of being a lion.

Roxas looks up and sees the Heartless bearing down on him. He looks at the Keyblades in his hands.

_Alright. This works too._

He leaps to his feet with a roar. The Heartless crash against him, and Roxas swings both Keyblades. He spins, twirls, dances, and the Heartless go up in smoke around him. The sky fills with pink hearts. Roxas plows on through, both Keyblades out at his sides like wings, cutting through Heartless as he goes. At the back of the mass are the slower Large Bodies; Roxas catapults through the air and cuts them both down at the same time. Yellow Operas rocket toward him from behind and Roxas spins, slicing through all of them with one slash of his twin Keyblades.

The Heartless are thinning out, but Roxas wastes no time. He attacks again and again, giving the Heartless no time to regroup. He can barely see for the all the black smoke, but it doesn't matter; the Keyblades seem to sense them. Roxas leaps through the air to land behind a mass of Shadows and cuts through them. A Green Requiem, lantern-shaped, moves in to try and heal the dying Heartless from high in the air where Roxas can't reach. Roxas tosses the black Keyblade into the air and slices it in half, while he cuts through an attacking Shadow with the white Keyblade. He rolls and throws out a hand to catch the second Keyblade as it falls.

The last of the Heartless charge him in a cluster. Roxas leaps forward to meet them. He spins once, twice, three times, slicing through Heartless as he goes. The final Shadow tries to make a run for it. Roxas jumps into the air and plants both Keyblades straight through it into the ground. The Shadow vanishes. Roxas pulls his Keyblades free and stands up straight, ready.

But the Wonderland forest is silent. The Heartless are gone.

Roxas's legs give out. He sinks to the ground with an exhausted gasp. Both Keyblades disappear as he braces himself on his hands. He has never fought so hard.

_Two Keyblades…how did that happen?_

That's something else that has never happened. Two Keyblades? He's heard that there can be thousands of Keyblades at any given time, but he has never heard of anyone being able to wield more than one. They didn't even _look_ like normal Keyblades.

And then there's Kairi…

_Kairi. Her name is Kairi. But how do I know that? I've never seen her before. I know I've never met her, but…she seems familiar. Like déjà vu._

_What does that mean? What does all this mean?_

Roxas shakes his head. Right now it doesn't matter. Whatever happened, it saved his life.

"Bravo, brava," says a voice from above. "A well-fought fight, or perhaps a well-fight fought."

Roxas nearly snaps his neck looking upward. The owner of the voice is a cat perched on a tree limb above his head. The cat is striped pink and purple and is grinning at him in a rather disconcerting way.

"Who the hell are you?" Roxas demands.

The cat's grin broadens and as Roxas watches it disappears, except for the grin.

"A Cheshire cat," says the grin. "Though what do I know? Those dark things are truly a bother. Are you a ray of light, then, to dispel the shadows? Though if a shadow is cast when the light is blocked, then what casts the shadow?"

"You're making no sense," Roxas says, watching as the cat reappears without its tail or legs. It's a bit disorienting to watch. The cat must be one of the Wonderland locals. Though it's strange; none of the world inhabitants have ever spoken to him before. Usually they can't even see Nobodies.

"I should hope not," the Cheshire cat says, getting up on its hind legs and tiptoeing along its branch. "You're a half of one, a one of two. The absence of light and the absence of dark. What do you get from neither and nor? Nothing. But nothing is no one and no one is nothing. So what are you, then?"

"A Nobody," Roxas says, wondering if he should be telling this to a Somebody.

"Well, nobody can do this," the Cheshire cat says as it lifts its own head off and holds it high. "Does that make me a Nobody?"

"You're crazy."

"Undoubtedly." The Cheshire cat puts its head on right and lays down, staring at Roxas and grinning. "But so are you. The two of us, we're not quite here and not quite there, though that's neither here nor there. What happens, when the two meet? Does one and one make two, or does one and one make one? What happens to Nothing when it becomes Something? Does the Nothing disappear, or does the Nothing stay?"

As if to prove its point, the Cheshire cat disappears its purples stripes, leaving a sort of shell behind. Along with the ever-present grin.

Roxas frowns to himself. The conversation is getting uncomfortable. The Cheshire cat seems to know more than it's letting on.

_What happens to Nothing when it becomes Something?_

"Get out of here," Roxas snaps. "You're annoying."

The Cheshire cat starts laughing, and the pink stripes begin to fade. "The two will be one. Nothing lasts forever, except for nothing." The grin is fading now too as the cat starts singing. _"All a-mimsy were the borogroves, and the momeraths outgrabe…"_

The grin fades with the last haunting note of the song. Roxas is left alone.

--------------------------------------

Finally, _finally_ Chapter 10 is up! I am so, so sorry for the long wait. Work just kept piling on and piling on—before I knew it, it was finals and I had five major papers to turn in, and then as soon as I was on break I had work and the Christmas rush to deal with. But finally, here it is, after staying up long hours to finish it—Chapter 10! Think of it is a belated Christmahanukwanzaayule present. Or maybe a New Year's present.

Hope there are still people reading! And I hope you like this chapter. It took me awhile to come up with a plot for the chapter. I hope it doesn't disappoint. I'm glad I got to incorporate the TLK world.

The title is a pun. Heh.

Everyone who saw _Alice in Wonderland_ and wanted your own Cheshire cat, raise your hands.

Anyway, I'm sorry again that it took so long to get this up. But here it is, at long last. Hope you enjoy! Feedback is still candy for my soul.


	11. A Night of Fireworks

**Disclaimer:** If you think I'm Nomura, that's cool. I'll give you my autograph.

For something that actually does need to be disclaimed in this disclaimer, this is the final chapter in the Chain of Memories arc, which means we are heading into definitive **SPOILER **territory. If you haven't played CoM, or don't at least know the gist of it (like me) and don't want anything ruined, just hit the back button.

Spoilers ahead! You've been warned.

--------------------------------------------------

Not That I Care

Chapter 11

A Night of Fireworks

_Things fall apart, the center cannot hold_

_Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world._

_--William Butler Yeats_

"Wow, Vexie. You really—I mean, _wow,_ you _really_ fucked this one up."

"Silence."

"Yeah, letting your own puppet cut his strings and run off on his own—yeah, I'd say that's a grade-A _failure."_

"Silence!"

"Oh no, Larx, don't you see? This is _all_ part of Vexie's plan. It's an intricate quantum plot applying rational metaphysics to standard logistics in order to subterfuge and divert Sora into Vexie's _cunning_ trap. You see?"

Larxene is practically crying for laughter. Axel can't help it either; the situation is just too damn funny.

"Oh, of course! I should have known. An intricate quantum plot of subterfuge and stuff, right. So sorry, Vexie, I never should have doubted you. I was wrong to question your intel-ee-genze and edjumication."

Vexen is bright red and has his arms folded across his chest, tightly. "'Quantum plot.' Not even correct usage of the word. I doubt you apes even know what the word 'quantum' means! How could I expect you to understand the subtleties of the scientific process? Sometimes—sometimes data just doesn't add up, sometimes hypotheses are wrong, and…"

Vexen trails off, because even he knows how useless it is to argue. His failure is rather extraordinary. He has never exactly been the rocket scientist of the group, no matter how much he would beg to differ, though he has never failed as completely as he has now.

The Riku Replica is gone, and out of Vexen's control. No one's sure where he is, though judging by what the Replica has been through—his mind and heart revamped by Naminé, only to find out all over again that he isn't real, facing both Sora and the real Riku and losing to both—Axel wouldn't be surprised if the poor thing has gone and offed himself. Though somehow Axel doesn't think so. All the Replica has left now is the promise he thinks he made to protect Naminé. He'll stick around to do that. And he'll want to face Riku at least one more time.

Not that it matters much. The _loss_ of the Replica is all that really matters—it has put a serious dent in Marluxia and Larxene's plan to take Sora, and from what Axel has heard, an even bigger dent in the others' plan to take Riku.

Fortunately for Axel, it's all going according to _his_ plan. He has to stop himself from laughing even more._ These idiots have no idea. Their plans are falling apart around their ears and they hardly notice. Guess that's the old Organization determination showing through. I suppose you saw this coming, huh, Xemnas? _

"Scientific process my ass," Larxene scoffs. "You fucked up, that's all there is to it."

Vexen grits his teeth, pushed to his limit. He throws out a hand to call his weapon. Larxene reaches for her kunai knives, grinning madly. Axel steps backward before the sparks can fly—literally.

"I'll carve out that insolent tongue of your mouth, you—"

"That's enough," says a voice, and Marluxia appears out of a dark portal. He clicks his tongue. "Really now, fighting between the ranks? It's unsightly. Especially you, Vexen, considering _you're_ in the wrong."

Vexen glares at him, putting his hand down. "I didn't—"

"I'm extremely disappointed in you, Vexen," Marluxia says, closing his eyes and shaking his head as if Vexen was a promising student. "Your experiment has failed miserably."

"Don't you dare talk down to me! If anyone is _disappointed_ here, it's me! All of Castle Oblivion will fall because of _your_ incompetence and scheming! Don't forget, I outrank you, _Number Eleven."_

Marluxia opens his eyes and gives Vexen a curious look that Axel finds rather ominous.

"Outrank me? I beg to differ, Vexen. This is _my_ castle, _my_ realm. Though I'm interested, Vexen, does this mean that you wish to defy the Organization itself?"

Vexen turns white and starts spluttering.

"Hey Marluxia, what's the punishment for treason?" Larxene asks, delighting in watching Vexen squirm.

"I believe it's death, Larxene."

"You can't be serious!" Vexen cries.

"Oh, but I am, Vexen," Marluxia says, fixing Vexen with a dangerous look. "I take failure very, very seriously. I'm going to have to report this failure to the Superior. After all, I don't want him blaming this incompetence on _me."_

_Never mind that you probably haven't made a single report to Xemnas since this began,_ Axel thinks, hiding a smirk. _He's right, though. Eggs benedict is a death sentence. Wait, no, "Benedict Arnold," that's what the Superior said, right?_

It occurs to Axel that when all this is said and done, Axel will also be guilty of treason. Hell, he already is. Axel only hopes that doing the job Xemnas asked him to do—eliminating the traitors—will cover up that minor transgression.

_He'll suspect something. He's the Superior. Even if I make it out of this alive, I suppose I won't live much longer after that._

Vexen has gone even whiter, which Axel wasn't sure was possible. He's scared out of his mind. Axel understands, though he doesn't particularly care.

"No, really…that's not necessary. I can fix this. Please, don't involve the Superior."

"Well, that depends on how well you can perform on the mission I'm about to give you. Call it, 'correcting your mistake.'"

"I'll do anything." Axel has never heard Vexen beg before. It's kind of weird. Rather disconcerting.

_What do you have in mind, Marly?_

"Kill Sora. Erase him."

_Okay. That, I was not expecting._

"K-Kill him?"

Marluxia raises an eyebrow. "Is this a refusal? That's too bad, I guess I'll just have to—"

"No! No, I, I'll do it. It's just…why? I thought…"

"Questioning your orders now as well," Marluxia says with a chuckle. "You must _want_ to die, Vexen."

"No, no. I'll do it, I said I would! I'll…do it."

With that, Vexen disappears. Marluxia smiles triumphantly to himself.

This is bad. Very bad. This is not at all what Axel had planned. Killing Sora doesn't make any sense. It'll screw everything up. The whole idea was to deliver Sora to the Organization _alive_ and under Naminé's total control. Marluxia _needs_ someone as powerful as Sora if he really wants to take over the Organization. Killing Sora…just _doesn't make sense._

"He'll actually do it, you know," Axel says in a low voice. "You threatened him with the Superior."

Marluxia just shrugs, the picture of nonchalance. "We don't have much of a choice, do we?"

Axel's hands have balled into fists.

"This is nuts," he says. _If Sora dies, what will happen to Roxas?_

"Relax, Axel," Marluxia says, turning away. "I know what I'm doing."

Axel watches him walk away with Larxene, thinking quickly. He can't fight them now, not both of them together. Everything depends on Axel _not_ directly killing any of them—otherwise the Superior will find out and wonder why. Everything will go to shit. Axel doesn't particularly want to die just yet.

He closes his eyes, forcing himself to calm down._ Don't do anything stupid. Just wait. Wait and watch. This _is_ Sora we're talking about, after all. And Vexen isn't a fighter. Sora will beat him._

Axel disappears to go watch the fight.

-------

To Axel's delight, Vexen loses at first.

To Axel's dismay, Vexen isn't finished. He has something to say to Sora:

"Would you like to see the memories from the other side of your heart?"

Axel is dismayed because "the other side" is Roxas.

Sora can't find out about Roxas. He simply can't. If Vexen tells him, everything is over. _Roxas_ is over.

Axel is about to step in, blow his cover to keep Vexen from doing the worst thing he could possibly do, but then Vexen and Sora and his friends all disappear into one of Vexen's illusionary worlds. Axel almost lights the entire castle on fire in his anger.

"Fuck. Fuck." Larxene's voice comes from behind and Axel turns to see her and Marluxia. For the first time, Larxene looks worried.

"Fuck," she says again, for emphasis. "We are _fucked_ if Sora finds out about the other side. Vexen's crazy! It'll mean the destruction of us all, the whole Organization."

_Who gives a shit about the Organization? _Axel wants to yell at her. _Roxas will disappear….God damn it! I can't do anything while they're in that illusionary world! And I can't exactly just randomly kill Vexen, the other two will realize that I'm acting on my own…_

"Naminé will take care of it," Marluxia says, feigning calmness. "However, Axel. You know what to do."

A light goes on in Axel's head. Yes. This could work.

"Say it clearly," Axel snaps. _Say it. It needs to be concrete._

"Fine," Marluxia fires back. "Kill Vexen. Clear enough for you?"

"Crystal," Axel says, a grin spreading over his face. _Perfect. This way, I'm just following orders. And I can give the Superior solid evidence for their treason. After all, all that talk about treason wasn't enough. Actions are the only things that count. Perfect!_

The fuse on this bomb is getting short. It's all about to explode.

Axel goes to wait for Vexen.

-------

Vexen is thrown violently out of a hole in the air, and Sora leaps out after him, Donald and Goofy in tow. Axel was right to think that Sora wouldn't go down easily.

"I knew it," Vexen says, spitting out darkness. "I knew you were dangerous. You have to be destroyed."

Sora advances on Vexen, his Keyblade ready. Axel watches from out of sight. He waves his hands at his sides. There's a flicker of fire and his chakrams appear in his hands. He spins them once in his hands, testing the weight.

Axel is shaking.

"Why did that place feel so familiar?" Sora is asking Vexen. "That city, the mansion…"

_Twilight Town. He showed him Twilight Town. God damn it, Vexen…_

"Because you've been there. In a matter of speaking."

"I'm sick of the riddles! Just put Riku back right!"

"You damn fool. He wasn't even _your_ Riku, can't you understand that? _Your_ Riku will soon be destroyed—as you will be, as well! You'll both disappear into the darkness! All because of that brat, Naminé! Leave this castle, Sora! Leave and don't return, unless you wish to become Marluxia's pet!"

Axel steps out of his hiding place. He has a clear shot. He swallows hard.

"What are you _talking about?"_ Sora demands. "Who is Mar—?"

Axel throws the chakram, weaving fire around it as it flies. It strikes Vexen in the back. Vexen lets out a pained sort of gasp as the breath is knocked out of him and he falls to his knees. Sora jumps back in shock. The weapon comes sailing back into Axel's hand.

"W-what the…?"

Vexen turns around, though darkness is pouring out of him. His eyes focus on Axel, who is striding forward.

"Axel!" Sora cries.

"Axel," Vexen agrees. He coughs. "I don't…understand. Why…?"

Axel hates him suddenly, hates him more than he thought it possible to hate. For always being such a pompous asshole, for creating a Nobody like the Riku Replica…for nearly destroying the only friendship Axel really has.

_Who knew. I'm not even supposed to be able to feel hate…_

"Blah, blah, blah, talk, that's all you _ever_ do, Vexen," Axel says in a low hiss he can barely recognize as his own voice. "Just shut up already. Shut up forever."

"No…please…"

"You know, for awhile there, I thought Nobodies could be Somebodies? But it's a lie, Vexen. We're Nobodies, and that's all there is to it. So you're the lucky one here. You get a better deal than all of us. You get to be nothing, instead of just nobody."

Vexen raises his hands in a feeble attempt to defend himself. He's already gone; he can't even summon his weapon anymore.

"N-no, Axel, I'm not ready…I don't want to be…nothing…"

"Goodbye, Vexen. It's been…_not_ real."

Axel raises his chakram and slashes across Vexen's shoulder and chest before the older Nobody can say another word. Vexen cries out. His body collapses on itself as he starts to fall to dust and shadow. Axel watches him disappear at his feet. A few seconds later, not even dust remains.

Vexen is dead.

"W-why…you killed him!" Sora cries.

Axel shakes bits of darkness off of his chakram and doesn't look at Sora, because it would be like looking at Roxas; would be like trying to explain to Roxas what Axel has done, and why.

He disappears his weapons in a puff of flame, turns his back on Sora, and starts to walk away.

"What the heck _are_ you people?!"

Axel opens a dark portal and stands before it, staring into the darkness that yawns to swallow him.

"Wish I knew the answer to that, Sora," he says, and steps into the black.

-------

It really sucks, staring at a white wall. There's nowhere for Axel's eyes to settle on, so his eyes rove all over the place. His arms are crossed over his chest, and he drums his fingers on his elbows. He's tense; he's on edge and he doesn't know why.

"_I always knew you had it in you, to kill one of your own comrades,"_ Larxene said.

_It had to be done. Vexen would have ruined everything. I hated him, anyway. He deserved to die. Fuck it all, he deserved to die._

_I wonder if it would be as easy to kill Roxas. I have no heart. It probably would be. What can a friendship between two Nobodies really mean, anyway? I bet it would be easy. Just as easy._

Axel hates himself for the thought.

"God," he says finally, because he can't stand the silence. "Why is it so fucking _white_ in here? This whole freaking _room,_ this whole freaking _castle!" _

"White is my favorite color," Naminé explains.

"Figures," Axel growls. "You could at least put up some of your drawings."

He can feel the girl's eyes on him. "Okay," she says. "I will."

Axel makes an indiscriminate sound.

"You're upset," Naminé observes. Axel listens to the sound of her crayon on the paper. "Is it true what they said a minute ago? You killed one of your comrades?"

"Like I said, he wasn't a comrade," Axel says, not sure why he's defending himself. "He created the Riku Replica, he would have totally screwed up everything. He deserved it."

"I thought you already were trying to screw up everything," Naminé points out.

_She's got me there._

Axel closes his eyes. It's time. He turns around to face her.

"Naminé," he says. "It's time to put an end to this."

She looks up at him, her blue eyes wide. Axel goes to the door and opens it. Naminé stares at the open doorway, her freedom, as if she isn't sure whether she believes it.

"But…"

"No one can stop you now," Axel says, stepping aside for her. "So get it right."

Naminé sets down her crayon and paper and gets to her feet. She looks from the door to Axel and back. Axel just jerks his head toward the door. He can't stand the gratitude in her eyes.

Naminé runs, as if afraid he'll slam the door in her face. Axel feels the wind as she runs past him. Then she's out the door, down the hall, gone.

Axel steps out after her and looks around. He breathes deeply. And suddenly, despite it all, a grin comes to his face. He starts laughing and spins around on the spot.

_Who am I kidding? I'd never kill Roxas. It'll never come to that._

"Showtime," he says to no one. "This is going to be good! It's too bad you're going to miss it, Roxas. This is one explosion you should have seen."

The fireworks will be pretty tonight.

-------

It's chaos after that.

Naminé makes it to Sora before the others realize she has escaped. The Riku Replica then chooses that very moment to reappear. Axel watches him advance on Sora. Protecting Naminé is the last thing the Replica truly has.

"I won't let you get in the way anymore!" the Replica screams at Sora, knocking the smaller boy backwards. "It's _my_ job to protect Naminé! Even from _you!"_

"No, Riku, stop!" Naminé cries. The Replica does stop. Then he falls, unconscious.

"What? What happened to him? Riku!"

"Sora, please listen to me…I don't have much time," Naminé says breathlessly. She looks over her shoulder and gasps. "It's her!"

"Crushing his heart in your fist," Larxene says, stepping out toward Naminé and nodding toward the fallen Replica. "That's cruel, even for you. I come all this way to check on you, but guess what? You're not even in your room. How the _hell_ did you get out, you little witch? You're ruining everything!"

"Then it's true?" Sora says, raising his Keyblade. He looks betrayed. "She told me that you've all been replacing my memories. My memories, all of them—"

"Fake!" Larxene cries. "Completely fake! Manufactured by this _brat!_ We were hoping to use her to take _you_ over, but thanks to her, all that's gone to hell!"

"But Naminé…she wouldn't…"

"Of course she would! She wanted a life for herself, didn't you, Naminé? You'll never get that life now—do you _understand_ that?" Larxene whirls back to Sora. "She replaced all of your real memories with fake ones. _She's_ not the one you're meant to protect at all! You don't even know her! You're pathetic, Sora, pathetic and stupid—and, sucks for you, now you're _worthless_ to us!"

Lightning is crackling around Larxene as she pulls out her kunais. Sora raises his Keyblade in defense.

_No, Larx. Just let it go. You know you can't win against him. Marluxia is the only other one who really has to die. And the last two scientists, of course. I can't let them take the real Riku, after all. You can still get away from this alive. Maybe I'll be generous and lie for you. Come on, Larxene, don't lose it now._

But Larxene has already lost it. There's no chance of taking over the Organization now—no chance of her ever getting a heart. Even if Axel lied for her, the truth will come out when the Superior starts investigating. For all Axel knows, Zexion or Lexaeus have been sending secret reports to Xemnas. Either way, Larxene will die for the crime of treason and fade into nothing.

Of course she has lost it.

Axel convinces himself that he doesn't care.

"_Damn you!" _Larxene screams and throws herself forward, lightning searing the air. Sora deflects the bolts with his Keyblade. Larxene throws a knife and Sora dives aside to avoid it, rolling back to his feet to swing at her.

Larxene's fighting has always impressed Axel. She tends to let anger and the desire to cause pain get the better of her, but she's an excellent fighter. None of the others in the Organization have ever dared cross her. Even Saïx has kept his verbal harassment to a minimum with her. Axel supposes she's had to be strong. She's really the only girl in the Organization; it must suck. That sense of aloneness…Axel knows what it's like.

She throws bolt after bolt and knife after knife, but Sora is slowly gaining the upper hand. He swings and she deflects with a kunai, just barely; she goes into a backward hand-spring and throws a knife in the same motion. Sora ducks, and she sends a bolt of lightning for his feet.

A burst of ice comes from nowhere and hits the lightning, sending it off course. Axel looks—the duck and the dog-thing, Donald and Goofy. Axel thought they'd abandoned Sora, but here they are, ready to fight for him. Nice to have friends.

Larxene looks between the three, and only Axel sees the flash of hesitation.

"Fine! Three times the pain for you—three times the fun for me!"

Donald uses his magic to deflect the lightning, Goofy uses his shield to deflect the kunai knives. Sora takes the opening, rushes forward and slashes Larxene down her side. She cries out, but doesn't miss a beat and drives a knife upward. Sora springs backward, but not fast enough; the knife slashes across his arm. He yelps in pain, and blood falls to the floor.

_So you bleed,_ Axel muses. _Lucky bastard._

Sora is reeling backward. Larxene grins and rushes forward, thinking she's got the upper hand. Axel sees what she doesn't.

Goofy's shield comes out of nowhere, thrown like a discus, and catches her square in the chest. She loses her balance. Sora is there before she can right herself.

The Keyblade slashes across her stomach. She falls, clutching her abdomen, darkness pouring out of her.

"No," she says, squeezing the wound, trying to keep the darkness from escaping. The rest of her is starting to fade. "No! No! I can't…I can't lose…no, no, this wasn't supposed to happen…Marluxia, Axel, someone…_damn it…_I just…wanted…"

She seems to sigh, and then she fades into darkness. Axel watches the tiny particles drift upward into nothing. Larxene is gone.

Axel sighs to himself. _Hope it's peaceful there, Larx._

Sora sinks to the ground, worn out, and his friends and Naminé go to him. Naminé will explain everything now, and Sora, being Sora, will probably forgive her. Axel smiles a little, and disappears. As strong as Sora is, he's tired and confused now. He won't be able to fight Marluxia—not alone.

-------

Marluxia is pacing back and forth when Axel walks in on him.

"Hey, flower-boy."

Marluxia whirls, startled. When he sees who it is, his face contorts with rage. Axel smirks. And here he thought Marluxia was as cool as they come.

"You bastard. You've got a lot of balls, showing yourself around here after that little _stunt_ you pulled. I thought you were on our side!"

"Your side, huh? I thought you knew me better than that, Marly. I'm on no one's side. Never have been, never will be."

"You're a traitor!" Marluxia roars, jabbing a finger toward Axel. _"You're_ the one who released the girl! We were _so close! You've ruined everything!"_

"Traitor, hmm." Axel rubs his chin. "Traitor, right, an eggs benedict. But, see, I'm a bit confused, Marly. See, _you're_ the one who was going to turn Sora into your puppet, so that you and Larxene could use him to overthrow the Organization. Take Kingdom Hearts for yourself, right? See, but I'm confused because—you know, that would make _you_ the traitor."

"But you were on _our_ side! You even killed Vexen!"

"Well, I didn't like Vexen. And it was a handy opportunity to get you to trust me."

"You're a double agent," Marluxia growls. "You've been working for the Superior all along. Since when are _you,_ of all people, the Superior's _bitch?"_

"I told you, I'm on no one's side but my own. But you've got a point. The Superior probably knew all along you would betray him. I guess he likes explosions as much as I do. So, Marly, I guess it's in the name of the Organization and our dear Superior that I have to kill you now." Axel's chakrams appear in his gloved hands.

Marluxia grins. "Alright, then. Go ahead, if you've got it in you!" He waves his hands and suddenly Naminé appears in front of him, looking surprised. "You'll be going through her, though!"

Axel looks at Naminé's scared face and immediately looks away. If this is how it has to be, then so be it. At this point, Axel has to think of his own life. The Superior asked him to eliminate the traitors—if he doesn't, if he fails, Xemnas will kill him.

It's a shame, though. Naminé truly was interesting.

"Oh, Boss-man," he says, shaking his head sympathetically. "I killed Vexen, didn't I? And right now I like you about as much as I liked him. Going through her is fine by me. Sorry, Naminé. You're probably better off dead anyway, like the rest of us. Think of it as freedom."

He doesn't look at her face, watching Marluxia, who is glaring at him. But then Marluxia's gaze slips past him.

"Hear that, Sora?" he calls.

The bottom seems to drop out of Axel's stomach.

"Wha—?"

Axel turns. Sora and the other two come running in and skid to a stop when they see what is happening.

_Crap._

"You heard him, Sora! He's willing to kill Naminé just to get at me! Kill him! _Erase_ him, if you want to save her!"

Marluxia grabs Naminé and they both disappear. Axel sighs and turns around fully to face Sora. This is not what he had in mind.

"What is this?" he says. "You're his pet after all, even after what the girl told you?"

"I'm no one's puppet," Sora snaps. "I'll deal with him once I'm through with you."

"Guess it's unavoidable, then," Axel says, moving into a ready stance. "You know, we've got a lot in common, Sora. More so than you hopefully realize. I really have to fight you, huh? Oh well. I'll fight, on one condition."

"Begging for your life?"

"Hardly. Just promise me you'll destroy Marluxia."

Sora frowns at him, obviously confused.

"Gawrsh, well that doesn't make much sense," Goofy says, scratching an ear. "Ain't he on your team?"

"He never make _any_ sense!" Donald says, shaking his head.

"I should hope not. Well, come on, Sora. Let's fight—for real this time."

_I wonder if this is it? The end of the great Axel? Well…it feels like Lexaeus is dead. I guess I have Riku to thank for that. At least if Sora kills Marluxia and Zexion, he and Roxas will be safe. Sora will be alive, and never find out about Roxas. Though of course, this is me we're talking about. Sorry, Sora. I fully intend to live._

Sora rushes him, yelling. Axel parries with a chakram and slashes toward him, but Sora dives out of the way, swinging his Keyblade in the same motion. Axel spins and parries just in time. Donald comes at him from the side, blasting a Thunder spell. Fire leaps up from the second chakram to deflect it, and then the chakram goes after Donald and Goofy like a blazing wheel with a mind of its own.

Sora jumps and slashes for Axel's shoulder; Axel parries and kicks out, catching Sora in the hip and sending him crashing to the ground. Fire explodes around him and Sora rolls out of harm's way before he gets burned. Axel throws his chakram and Sora knocks it back his way like a batter at the plate.

Axel yelps as his whole left arm seems to freeze, and looks down to see ice spreading across his arm; a Blizzard spell from Donald. He calls up a flame to melt it, but now water is everywhere. The fire will be harder to call.

The distraction costs him; Sora comes out of nowhere and the back of the Keyblade strikes Axel in the side. He snarls in pain and backs away. His teeth bare in a grin.

_Merciless, just like Roxas._

"Go, Sora!" Donald cries, and sends a wind spell at Sora's back that launches him through the air toward Axel. Axel is forced to call both chakrams back to his hands to parry. Sora flips over Axel's head and lands squarely behind him. Before Axel can turn, something sharp bites into his side and pain bursts outward. The blow sends Axel into a wall.

_Ow. Ow. Fuck._

Sora gives him no time and charges forward, so Axel sends up a wall of fire. The kid cries out, shielding his eyes. Axel throws both chakrams while Sora is momentarily blinded, but then Goofy appears with his shield. Two swift _clangs_ ring out as one chakram and then the other ricochet in separate directions. Axel leaps through the fire to catch them.

He spins around in time to see Sora charging him, and then the Keyblade is slashing up from Axel's right side to his left shoulder. Pain seems to rip him in half. Axel drops his chakrams and both disappear in a puff of smoke. He sways, then falls to his knees. The wound is deep. Darkness is falling everywhere.

Sora stands over him, panting, pointing his Keyblade at Axel's head.

Axel looks up at him and chuckles.

"Nice, Sora," he says, though it hurts to talk. "This was quite the ride. The fireworks were worth it. Guess it was a good idea, saving your life and sanity."

"Saving me?" Sora lowers his Keyblade. Goofy and Donald come to stand behind him. "I don't get it."

"Yeah. Ah well, all my hard work always _does_ go unappreciated. Not that I care. You'll figure it out and thank me someday." Axel coughs and darkness comes up. "Hey, don't forget, Naminé's waiting for you. Time for you to go destroy old Marly."

Axel furtively opens a dark hole beneath himself. He sinks slowly downward, as if dissolving. Axel hopes it looks authentic.

"I don't understand you. Just whose side are you on, anyway?"

Axel laughs again, sinking deeper.

"Weren't you listening? I'm on…no one's side but my own. Got it…memorized?"

Axel disappears. Dies, essentially—at least that's what he hopes everyone will believe.

_Sorry, Sora. It may be just a half-life, but it's all I've got, and I'm gonna live it. You deal with Marluxia—I'll deal with Zexion. There's a lot more interesting things to see out there, and your Nobody is one of them. After I tie up the last loose end._

--------------------------------------------------

Whoo! Chapter Eleven! Long one, here. It kind of had to be; I wanted all of Axel's fights and stuff to be in here, because otherwise the CoM arc would end in a Roxas chapter, which wouldn't be much fun—it would leave out all the juicy, violent bits .

Sorry if this chapter feels kind of rushed. I hope I extended it over enough space so that it's not _too_ bad, though I did kind of squeeze the entire last half of CoM into one chapter, lol.

This completes CoM. After this will be several chapters that will cover the year that Sora spends sleeping—and then after that begins the Kingdom Hearts II arc. Expect angst!

Anyway, I promised a second chapter before break was over, and here it is! Hope you all like it! Feedback is candy for my soul.


	12. Sleeping Dogs

**Disclaimer:** I only write the fanfic, not the characters and whatnot. That's all Squeenix's. Also, this is still **spoiler** territory since this takes place in the aftermath of CoM. This will pretty much be the last chapter of that arc. **Spoilers ahead. Sort of.**

--------------------------------------------

Not That I Care

Chapter 12

Sleeping Dogs

_The cruelest lies are often told in silence._

_--Robert Louis Stevenson_

Roxas is in the Dark City, relieving some stress. Two days without a mission; the boredom was starting to get to him, as were the headaches. He has found that actual activity makes them less painful, though today they've been at their most intense. On his way down here earlier, a headache came on so horrible, and so suddenly, that Roxas is pretty sure he passed out.

Though that was several hours ago; several hours without a headache, and Roxas is starting to wonder. There's no sense in getting his hopes up, but freedom from pain, even a brief respite, will do that to you.

_Maybe they've peaked and gone away,_ he thinks, and immediately curses for jinxing himself. He forces himself to concentrate on fighting the Shadow Heartless that have him surrounded. The Dark City is excellent for training and venting stress; there's no end to the Heartless supply. And if the headaches do come back and succeed in knocking him out, he shouldn't be in too much danger, as the Heartless in this area are all Shadows.

He swings, cutting through a mass of darkness. The street is cast in pink light as hearts float upward toward Kingdom Hearts, high above. He watches the hearts go for a moment before turning to deal with the others.

_Kairi…_

The name has been on his mind for two days now, ever since the experience in the Wonderland forest. Somehow she saved him then, yet Roxas has no idea how or why, whether she was really there or just an illusion. When he thinks of her, he can almost smell hot sand and saltwater, almost hear the sound of palm fronds in a breeze. Like the sand and the palm trees, she's familiar, an answer on the tip of his tongue—and yet no matter how hard he tries, he can't remember.

_Was she part of my old life? Before I became a Nobody and forgot everything?_

Roxas drives his Keyblade through another handful of Heartless, and the rest pull away to regroup, watching him from a distance.

"Kairi…" Roxas mutters to himself, trying it out. He likes how it sounds.

"Roxas."

Roxas spins around, startled by a voice behind him. Luxord has appeared out of nowhere. Roxas doesn't know him too well, as they haven't had much contact, but Luxord has always struck him as the cool, unfazed type. Right now there is a flicker in his blue eyes. Roxas is immediately on guard.

"I thought you'd be here," Luxord says, looking between Roxas and the Heartless behind him. "We've been looking for you."

"Mission?" Roxas asks, glad for the distraction.

"Not exactly," Luxord mutters, and Roxas frowns. "Team Oblivion has returned…in a manner of speaking. It looks like the experiment failed."

Roxas checks over his shoulder for the Heartless, which are now slinking away before the two Nobodies. Then he steps forward, fixing his gaze on Luxord.

"Failed how?" Roxas asks, his voice low and stony.

Luxord rubs his goatee. "Axel is the only one who made it back," he says. He pauses, frowning at the ground as if it confuses him. "He's wounded…we're not sure if he's going to make it."

For a moment, Roxas just stares at Luxord, as all the sensation seems to leave Roxas's body. Then he raises his hand and summons a dark portal, stepping inside before Luxord can say another word.

Roxas reappears in the castle and takes off running down the halls.

_Axel, wounded? The rest of the team missing? What the hell happened? How could the experiment just fall apart like that? Is this all that Sora's doing? Is he really that powerful?_

A memory comes unbidden to Roxas's mind, of when he and Axel were in the jungle and found the monkey and its baby. About how in that moment Roxas felt more real than he has in his whole life.

"_Roxas, are we friends?"_

Roxas runs faster.

-------

There's no real clinic or hospital in the Castle That Never Was, since there aren't any doctors, at least not in the medical sense. Xigbar is about as close as anyone comes, and no one really trusts him anyway. However, there is a place down around the laboratories, with cots and bandages and medicine, where Nobodies go after being injured.

It's there that Roxas finds them.

The others are there crowding the hall; Luxord has arrived before Roxas. Roxas skids to a stop, panting, and Xigbar catches him by the shoulders.

"Whoa, man, don't you go getting yourself killed too."

"Where is he?" Roxas demands. He tries to look past Xigbar and the others, but they're all so damnably tall. The door to the makeshift hospital is closed; Axel isn't here, and neither is the Superior. "What happened?"

"Chill, man," Xigbar says, frowning down at him through his one eye. Then he jerks his head toward the room. "He's resting in there. The Superior's debriefing him now, just in case."

"Just in case of _what?"_

"It's bad, kid," Xaldin rumbles.

"But he's gonna make it, right? I mean he's…" Roxas bites his lip to stop himself from yelling it. "He's _Axel."_

Xigbar heaves a sigh. "Yeah, well, looks like not even that hothead is indestructible."

"It doesn't matter, so long as he can explain what happened there before he dies," Saïx says. He is leaning against the wall casually, his eyes closed. Rage lances through Roxas like a hot wire.

"Shut up, Saïx," Demyx snaps. "He's one of us, in case you forgot."

Saïx just snorts. "You seem awfully worried about him, Roxas. Afraid for your _friend_ are you? You've already forgotten the lesson I taught you? You never do listen to your elders."

Roxas ignores him; there are more important thing right now.

"Someone just fill me in," he growls. "What the hell happened?"

"It looks like the rest of the team is dead," Demyx says, and only Roxas hears the shake in his voice. "I guess this Sora guy was a lot stronger than we thought."

"It also looks like Marluxia was guilty of treason," Xaldin puts in. "Eggs benedict is what Axel said."

"Guess the Superior was right about mutiny," Xigbar says, folding his arms and looking rather disconcerted. "Who'da thought it, huh, Nobodies turning against each other? Damn, I hate traitors. It's fucked up, I'll say it right now. Damn good thing flower-boy got himself killed or I'd blow his fucking brains out."

"And how are we to know that _Axel_ isn't the traitor, Xigbar?" Saïx says, inspecting his cuticles. "It is rather extraordinarily convenient that he is the only one to have survived. Though I daresay he will not be surviving much longer."

Roxas has a sudden flashback to the fight with Saïx, and something the older Nobody said:

"_If the Oblivion Project does indeed go to hell, Axel will be the one to bring it down. He will be the one to mysteriously survive, while all the others die."_

_No way,_ Roxas thinks, gritting his teeth against this dark thought. _Axel wouldn't betray the Organization. He wouldn't betray me._

"That's what the Superior is finding out," Luxord says firmly. "There's no point in speculating yet."

"Guilty of treason _how,_ though?" Roxas pushes. "And what about Sora?"

"I guess flower-boy tried to take control of Sora so he could use him to take over the Organization, or some such," Xigbar says, shrugging. "Plan backfired and Sora ended up killing him. Sounds like that girl, Naminé or whatever, started acting on her own."

"And ended up helping Sora," Xaldin adds.

_But how does Axel play into all of that?_ Roxas thinks rather frantically, chewing on his lip. _Whose side was he on? Did he get hurt fighting Sora or fighting another Nobody? Damn it…_

The door to the hospital room creaks open and the Superior steps out, closing the door behind him. Conversation ceases as everyone turns expectantly to Xemnas. He regards them all for a moment from the black depths of his hood. Roxas realizes he's holding his breath and forces himself to keep breathing.

"Number Eleven and Number Twelve betrayed the Organization," he says. "They intended to take the Keyblade Master and use him to take us over. Number Four and the others saw this and worked against the traitors. However, things happened that not even I foresaw. The first was that someone else appeared in the Castle, a friend of the Keyblade Master's—a boy named Riku. He is the one who became a conduit for the former leader of the Heartless, Ansem. We thought he was lost to the darkness…how he escaped, I cannot fathom." Xemnas pauses to shake his head.

"The other Numbers worked to take Riku over in order to retaliate against the traitors. Number Eight, meanwhile, under my personal instruction, worked to investigate Number Eleven. But then the second thing happened that we could not foresee—the Memory Girl, Naminé escaped our control and started acting on her own. The team disintegrated, and both the Keyblade Master and Riku escaped us. The Numbers either killed each other during the mutiny or were killed by the Keyblade Master and Riku."

The Superior sighs heavily and spreads his arms.

"The Oblivion Project has been a monumental failure, and we have lost several of our members to this mess," he says, only the barest of disappointment showing in his voice. "The Keyblade Master has gone into cold sleep to restore his memories, and Naminé, among…others…will be protecting him. Riku, meanwhile, has disappeared. We have no hope of capturing either of them now."

"But what about…" Roxas stops quickly, remembering himself. Xemnas looks toward him, and for awhile he doesn't say anything. Roxas wishes his hood was down so that he could read his face.

"He has requested to see you, Number Thirteen," Xemnas says at length.

Relief floods Roxas. _He's alive. He's still alive._

"Excuse me, sir," Roxas says, and moves past him to the door.

"The rest of you may return to your missions," the Superior continues. "I'll hold an emergency meeting tonight to discuss what our new direction will be."

"All them dead, huh?" Xigbar says from the background as Roxas opens the door. "Kinda a shame, I guess. Is the pyro gonna survive at least?"

Roxas closes the door behind him before the Superior can answer.

The room is dim, and Roxas can just make out the cot a few feet away. There are no windows, and the room is surprisingly cold, colder than the rest of the castle. Roxas leans back against the door for a moment, then starts to make his way toward the cot. The space where his heart was seems to be contracting.

"Axel?"

"Roxas?" says a weak voice from the direction of the cot, followed by a cough. "Is that you? I can't see…"

"It's me." Roxas reaches the edge of the cot and looks down. It's one of the few times Roxas has seen Axel with his hair unspiked. It's rather frazzled and damp; his face is as pale as a moon; his once-bright eyes seem dim. His coat is crumpled on the floor beside the cot, great slashes through it.

Axel tries to focus on Roxas and fails.

"Roxas…" he says in that same weak voice. "Come closer…I want to see you…"

"You're not…you're not really dying, are you?" Roxas asks, but he obeys and leans closer.

Axel gives a tiny, sad smile. "Please…closer."

Roxas leans down further. _Why is he acting like this? He can't…I mean…_

"_Closer,"_ Axel says in a croak. Roxas leans close enough to feel Axel's breath on his face.

"Axel—"

"Shh. There's something…I want to tell you…before I…"

"Listen, don't talk like that. You're Axel. You _can't_ die," Roxas insists, aware that he is shaking now.

"Please…just listen." Axel looks desperate. Roxas shuts up.

_Oh God, this can't be…_

"Roxas," Axel whispers. "I will…always…love you."

Roxas stares at him for a moment in incredulity. Then he yanks the pillow out from under Axel's head and beans him in the face.

"Ow! Don't hit the invalid!" Axel yelps, but then he breaks down laughing. "Oh _God,_ you should have seen your _face!"_

Roxas hits him again, harder this time.

"You son of a bitch!" Roxas yells. "You _bastard!_ I was fucking _worried,_ you know! You asshole! God damn it, I should have known you were faking!"

Axel can't stop laughing, curling on his side and raising one hand to defend himself as Roxas smacks him a few more times with the pillow.

"You're just mad because I _totally_ fucking got you. You're so gullible! Oh man, that look, that was freaking _priceless! _You _really_ thought I was dying!" Axel's voice becomes breathy and girlish. "Oh, Roxas, I _love_ you, I _need _you, _taaaakkkkeee meeeee!"_

Roxas throws the pillow at Axel's face and leaves it there. He thinks briefly of smothering the bastard.

"You fucking…" Roxas jerks away, paces a few feet, then turns back, arms folded, furious. "Don't _do_ that to me. I can't believe you! I was…god _damn_ it, I was really _worried,_ I really thought you were…"

Axel peers at him from under the pillow, a ridiculous shit-eating grin on his face.

"You obviously don't know me that well, then," he says, more gently this time. "But, check it out. I'm alive, see? Well, injured, and oh _fuck,_ laughing like that hurt, but alive. Come on, admit it, it was funny."

Roxas grumbles something incomprehensible even to himself and turns away. He can feel Axel watching him.

"Roxas. _Roxxaaaaas. Roooxxxaaasss, I love you. Kiss me, Roxie!"_

"Just stop," Roxas says, in the harsh tone he has perfected in his days with the Organization. Axel stops.

"You're not really mad, are you?" Axel says, sounding concerned now. "Come on, I was joking. Lighten up, man."

"I've decided something," Roxas says, voice quiet. "I can't stand it here anymore." He pauses ominously. "I'm going to leave the Organization."

For awhile, Axel says nothing.

"Now, wait a sec," he says finally, and Roxas hears him sit up in the bed. "You can't just _leave…_I mean, why would you leave? Just because I pissed you off? Come on, that's stupid! It's not…"

Roxas turns toward him, and Axel trails off when he sees Roxas's face.

Then Roxas gives a wicked grin.

"Gotcha."

Axel narrows his eyes for a moment, but then his face brightens and he returns the smile.

"Oh-ho, touché. Well-played. Roxie, _my love."_

Roxas shakes his head, and then suddenly he's laughing. Laughing because it's all so pathetic and ridiculous, and Axel is alive, and even after surviving a Nobody civil war Axel hasn't changed in the slightest. He doubles over, leaning against the wall for support. Axel starts laughing as well.

"You're an asshole," Axel points out.

"You're a freak," Roxas returns, still laughing.

"Seriously, though," Axel says, once he has stopped chuckling. "It's good to see you again, shorty. See you haven't grown an inch."

"I see you've still got a death wish," Roxas says, looking him over. Axel wasn't lying about being injured, at least. "Good to see you, too. A lot's happened."

"Oh man, you shoulda been there," Axel says, grinning suddenly. "Everything _totally_ went crazy. Best fireworks _ever._ I think you would have liked it."

"No, I'm the sane one, remember?"

Axel laughs again, but then he winces and clutches his abdomen. The bandages there are black with lost darkness.

"You should rest," Roxas says, trying not to let concern leak back into his voice, knowing Axel will pounce on it.

"Sleep is for the _weak,"_ Axel says vehemently, though Roxas can see the tiredness in his eyes. Roxas shakes his head, smiling.

_I never will understand you. You idiot._

"Just get some rest, dumbass," Roxas says. "We'll talk if you're still alive when you wake up."

"Yes, _Mom,"_ Axel sneers, slipping the pillow back under his head and flopping back down, arms behind his head. Roxas rolls his eyes and heads for the door, but then Axel speaks again as Roxas grabs the handle.

"Hey, wait. Tell me one thing at least."

"What?"

Axel eyes him from across the room, a strange look on his face.

"Did anything…weird happened while I was away? I mean, like, to you?"

Roxas watches him. He thinks about telling him about Saïx and the fight with him, about the headaches, about the phantom girl named Kairi…but then he decides against it.

_Not now, at least._

"Not really," Roxas says, and opens the door. "Don't go disappearing on me."

Before he closes the door again, he thinks he hears Axel reply, "I won't."

-------

The Superior, in an unbelievable fit of generosity, gives Axel two days off to recover. Roxas thinks he needs it; the injuries are a lot worse than he initially thought. Axel lost a lot of blood, er, darkness. He spends most of the time in the Superior's office anyway, though, answering questions. Roxas thinks Xemnas just wants details, though every time Axel leaves he looks upset about something. There's no real opportunity to talk to him until midway through the second day.

"I am so fucking _sick_ of endless night," Axel says without preamble when Roxas walks up to him. "Trapped in an endless night, eternal darkness—it's so _emo. _God, outsiders must think we're the most _emo _thing to ever _happen _in the _universe. _I haven't seen the sun in, like, ten billion years. We're going somewhere sunny. Twilight Town?"

"Whatever."

"Well, it's up to you to take us there, shorty. I'm liable to just poof if I try a dark portal now."

They arrive at an end of Twilight Town Roxas hasn't seen, at the top of a hill that's seems to overlook the whole world. Axel sits down with his back to a tree with a grateful sigh, resting his head against the bark.

"Sweet, glorious sunlight," Axel says, closing his eyes. "Did you know that the sun is a giant, gaseous ball of _fire?"_

"Yes, Axel," Roxas says with a weary smile, sitting down next to him. "It's nice here. I haven't been to this part before. Check out that view."

"Man, that's what I wanna do some day—be like, fighting Heartless or something, and just sorta make a _sun_ and fucking _kill them all._ Wow, that would be awesome. I bet I could do it, too. If I really put my mind to it." Axel gives a rather evil-sounding snicker.

"An attack like that would probably kill you too, though," Roxas points out.

"A last hurrah, then," Axel says, shrugging as if it doesn't matter. "I'm all about last hurrahs. God, it's good to be back. That place was a _hellhole._ Until the fireworks, anyway."

Roxas looks at him sidelong. "So what all happened?"

Axel groans. "Oh, come on, Roxas. I've just spent the past _two days_ repeating it over and over, I don't want to say it all again. Later, okay? What about you, though? Get into much trouble while I was away?" Axel opens one eye to peer at him.

Roxas smiles, looking out at the view. There's a whistle in the distance as the train starts to approach on the tracks below. Everything is cast in golden afternoon sunlight.

"A fair amount."

"Good, you're learning. So, come on, tell, tell."

"Well, a whole bunch of new worlds opened up," Roxas says. "The one they assigned me and Demyx to is this African savanna place, called the Pride Lands. It's _amazing_ there, I think you'd like it. Once you get there you…" Roxas trails off, chuckling.

"Yeah, what?"

"It's a surprise," Roxas says, grinning. "We'll go there sometime and then you'll see." He wonders what kind of animal Axel will appear as in the Pride Lands.

Axel yawns. "I like surprises. Especially the fiery kind."

"It's always fire with you."

"Wouldn't have it any other way."

"So, there's that. I've been there a few times. Then there was this time, in Wonderland? There were so many Heartless. I thought I was a goner. But then, something weird happened. This strange _girl_ appeared, and somehow the sight of her just…I dunno. Gave me strength, I guess."

"Aw, is shorty in _luuurrvve?"_

"You want me to punch you?"

"What was she like? You get her number? You get her name at least?"

"Yeah," Roxas says, looking away again, frowning. "It's weird…like she was familiar, and yet not. Somehow I knew her name, though she didn't say it—Kairi."

Axel stiffens beside him, and Roxas turns, watching Axel's face. Axel's face is blank, but his eyes have a distant look to them. He knows something.

"Kairi, huh?"

"You know that name?" Roxas asks, sitting up straight.

"Nope," Axel says, and the look is gone. "Cute name, though."

Roxas watches him for a moment, but decides to let it go. "She pretty much saved my life."

"What, couldn't deal with a bunch of Heartless? Losing your edge?"

"No, I…" Roxas trails off. For some reason, he doesn't want to tell Axel about the headaches. "There were a lot of them. An army. Anyway, I _did_ kill them all." He decides also to not tell Axel about the appearance of two Keyblades, either, and wonders why he is keeping things from Axel.

_Because he's keeping things from me,_ Roxas realizes. _Oh well. Sleeping dogs, I guess. If it was important, he'd tell me—I can trust him._

Axel doesn't answer, yawning again.

"Then this weird cat came out of nowhere and started speaking in riddles to me."

"Oh, that pink and purple fat thing that's grinning all the time? Cheshire cat or something? I've met it. Always wanted to take a shotgun to it. Or just set it on fire."

"I bet you kick puppies, too."

"Come on, I'm not that evil. I only kick puppies when I'm _really_ pissed. So what did the cat bastard say to you?"

Roxas just shrugs. "Doesn't matter. Just rambling, I guess."

Axel yawns again, stretching his arms and rubbing at his face. The pair is silent for awhile.

"I know you don't want to talk about it," Roxas says at length. "But did you at least manage to find something out about Sora? Did you get to talk to him?"

"Kind of too busy, yanno, _fighting _him," Axel says, blinking hard. He looks like he's falling asleep. "I'll tell you this, though. Sora's got nothing to do with you. There's no point in you trying to talk to him, cause he's got nothing he can tell you. Got it memorized? Sorry I couldn't find anything out."

_Are you?_ Roxas thinks, and then wonders why he thought it.

The two are silent for awhile, Roxas looking at the view, Axel yawning beside him. Axel has done little in the past few days but answer the Superior's questions, eat and sleep. Not that Roxas can really blame him.

"Axel, you know…I'm glad you're okay."

"Missed me, huh?"

"I'm serious," Roxas says, because he wants Axel to understand. "You could have died."

"Comes with the territory," Axel mumbles. "Nobodies…unstable existence and all that. It's okay. It was pretty boring over there without you, even with the mutiny and pretty explosions. You make things interesting."

"Same for you," Roxas says, snorting. "Life is exceedingly normal around here without the resident psychopath."

"Glad to hear it," Axel says around a massive yawn.

They both fall silent, and Roxas finds himself smiling. For as much of an asshole Axel is, for all the secrets he keeps from Roxas, Roxas is still glad to have Axel back. It was lonely without Axel around, even with Demyx. Roxas supposes that's what friendship is—missing someone when they're gone.

Roxas looks up at the sky through the leaves, at the way the branches are backlit by the sun. It's like seeing the sky through latticework. The grass is soft and a vibrant green. The view of the train tracks far below, the brown and green land beyond the edge of Twilight Town, the puffs of cirrus clouds—Roxas inhales, breathing it all in.

_Is this what having a heart feels like?_

"Hey, Axel."

There's no answer. Roxas looks over. Axel has fallen asleep against the tree, some of his hairs caught in the bark, his lips slightly parted.

"Axel?" Roxas asks, poking him to see if Axel is faking. Axel makes no sound, and suddenly he tips to the side, his head falling onto Roxas's shoulder.

Axel starts snoring.

Roxas gives him a long-suffering look. He smiles.

"Idiot," he says, and leans back against the tree, carefully so as not to wake Axel. "You're really heavy, you know."

Roxas takes a last look at the view and closes his eyes. The sun sinks lower over the world as the two Nobodies sleep.

------------------------------------------------

Awwwwwwww :D

This ended up being kind of a transitory chapter between two arcs; CoM ends, the Year Without Sora begins. Like, a Day Without Rain, or a Day Without a Mexican.

I also wanted this to get back to the focus on their friendship. I've decided that, much as I like AkuRoku, I'm going to keep this closer to canon—nothing obvious, plenty of cuteness, and hopefully some subtext. Squeenix is good at subtext, aren't they?

I also fully intend to write an AkuRoku eventually, nya-ha-ha.

Anyway, that's that. Hope you like it. Feedback is candy for my soul!


	13. Cracks and Splinters

**Disclaimer:** Nomura, Squeenix, Disney and all those others own the characters, stories, and all that jazz. Warning: Post-Chain of Memories, so may contain **spoilers.**

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Not That I Care

13

Cracks and Splinters

"_Sometimes I'm terrified of my heart_

_Of its constant hunger for whatever it is that it wants_

_Sometimes I'm terrified of my heart_

_Of the way it stops…and starts."_

_--Poe_

Being alive has never felt so good, even if it's only technically half-alive.

It's probably the thousandth time in the past week that Axel has thought this. Even he'll admit that it was a close call. Just portalling himself back to home-sweet-home took about half his strength; for a little while there, he really did think he was going to die. But here he is now, a week later, alive and with no more holes in him. Back in the Castle That Never Was with the good old Organization. Axel never thought it possible that he would miss such a shitty place so much, though Roxas is mostly to blame for that.

Roxas. Roxas who is safe again, for the time being, now that Sora is in deep-freeze to regain his memories. Roxas who hasn't changed at all in the time that Axel was away. Roxas, who said himself that he was glad Axel had come back alive.

Roxas who is currently bitching Axel out for not taking this newest mission seriously.

"You could freaking _pick up the pace_ a little. That Heartless infestation isn't going to just _wait_ for us, you know. Do you know what happens if we screw this up? _Saïx _happens. This is _his_ world, and he is _not happy_ that we're here in his territory, so would you mind walking just a _tiny_ bit faster so that we can go home and not have to deal with that psycho?"

Axel almost laughs at how familiar this is, how easily they've slid back into their routine, as if Axel was never away. He turns it into a whistle at the last second.

"Someone's got his panties in a bunch. _Relax,_ would you, it's a beautiful, sort of bluish-gray day in Hollow Bastion. And I can't walk any faster, I might upset my wounds."

"You are perfectly _fine."_

Axel rubs at a non-existent injury on his leg. "Ohh, the pain. How it aches. How your indifference drives shards of suffering into my heart."

"You don't have a heart. And what the hell are shards of suffering?"

"Point," Axel concedes. "Why are we here then, anyway? Let that moon-crazy bastard deal with it, if this is his world. You know, they've got this new ice cream in Twilight Town? I'm not one for sweets, but I hear this stuff is good. We could _be there_ right now, relaxing."

Roxas shrugs ahead of him, narrow shoulders rising inside his black coat.

"Saïx is away on some other mission," he answers, ignoring the second part of Axel's comment. Axel doubts the kid is much for sweets either. The news about Saïx gets Axel's attention, though, enough so that he walks faster to catch up with Roxas. Hollow Bastion is a maze of streets and stairways and alleys, but their destination should be close by now.

"What kind of mission?"

Roxas shrugs again, glancing toward Axel. "Xemnas didn't say."

Axel frowns to himself. Saïx on a secret mission—to where? To do what? The older worlds are all locked by now, and Heartless appearances there have dropped from few to almost none. It's the new worlds that are the Organization's current focus, since the flow of Heartless there is virtually unchecked for the time being. But there are fewer new worlds than there were old, and all the remaining members of the Organization have been assigned to keep watch of one. There's no reason for Saïx to go anywhere else, especially in secrecy.

Unless Xemnas and Saïx are conducting their own investigation into what happened at Castle Oblivion, which makes sense. Axel isn't too worried at their turning anything up that they could use against him, but the idea of Saïx poking around makes him uncomfortable. Saïx is meticulous, methodical, patient. Axel has his own methodical, manipulative streak—and it's a pretty wide one—but Saïx tops him when it comes to attention to details. If Axel forgot even the smallest thing, Saïx will find it.

And there's a chance he will. There were too many unknowns at Castle Oblivion. Sora did manage to kill Marluxia in the end, and Riku killed Lexaeus before Axel had to worry about him. The only figurative blood on Axel's hands is Vexen's, and the Superior knows about that—knows and understands and has decided not to tell the others, Roxas included. But there are still a lot of things Axel can't be sure of. Like what exactly Larxene and Marluxia were planning to do once they had control of the Organization. Like what happened to Naiminé, the Riku Replica, and Riku himself. Like exactly how Lexaeus, Vexen, and Zexion were moving, and what they planned to do with Riku.

Zexion. Something Axel is trying not to think about. Short, bookish, talkative Zexion who always had his hair in his eyes. He was annoying, but Axel didn't particularly like him or hate him either way. Axel tries not to wonder whether Zexion really had to die, especially at the hands of the Riku Replica. The Replica had gone completely nuts at that point—Axel didn't stick around to watch, but he can only imagine just what the Replica did to Zexion. But it had to be done. Axel couldn't afford to leave any loose ends lying around. He didn't have the strength to kill Zexion himself, after the fight with Sora—so he had the Replica do it for him.

Axel tells himself it doesn't matter. Directly or indirectly, he caused the deaths of most of his comrades at Castle Oblivion. He might have been following orders, but it was also a decision that Axel himself made. He knew the consequences then; he accepted them. Living with that won't be a problem. He hopes.

There's one other thing, though, something that has been niggling at Axel ever since he got back—the Man in Red. Tall, well-built, seemingly mummified in red bandages—Axel saw him with Riku, just before he portalled out, and the man had been incredibly familiar somehow. Axel didn't understand it, but he had a feeling the Man in Red had a lot to do with some of the things that happened at Castle Oblivion.

"You look deep in thought."

Roxas's voice jars Axel out of his reverie and Axel blinks hard, shaking himself back to reality. He snorts and rolls his eyes at Roxas.

"I _was_ deep in thought until I was so rudely interrupted."

"Well, you admitted to it, that's a first. Is something wrong?"

"You mean aside from the fact that we're walking into a horde of Heartless when we _could_ be napping and relaxing and having Sea-Salt ice cream in Twilight Town?"

"I don't even like ice cream," Roxas sighs. "We're here."

Axel can already hear them, practically smell them. The two Nobodies are deep in Hollow Bastion, and they come to a stop at a corner, pressing their backs to the wall. Roxas looks around the corner.

"Lots," he says. "Lots of varieties, too."

A grin spreads across Axel's face and he summons his chakrams to his hands. This is the first time this week that they've encountered Heartless. It's been so long.

"Lots is good," Axel says, stepping past Roxas. "Let's go."

"Wait, what—?"

Axel leaps around the corner and, with a roar, throws himself into the mess of Heartless. There are lots of them, probably close to a hundred—Shadows, Large Bodies, reds, greens, blues, yellows, mushrooms, almost every kind Axel can think of. He doesn't care. He's free again, free to kill as many things as he wants without having to care about it.

The first sweep of fire takes out a handful before they can even react. The Yellow Operas, the lightning users, are the quickest to realize the danger and surge forward to face Axel. The others turn and come in waves, the slow Large Bodies moving slowly, the ones in the air zipping forward. Axel releases one chakram and sets it ablaze, then sends it into the mass of writhing Heartless bodies. With his other he slashes and stabs at those too careless to get close to him.

Roxas leaps in from behind, slashing a Red Nocturne, a fire user—the only ones Axel can't kill, since fire only makes them stronger. Axel hardly notices Roxas, plowing forward through the Heartless. Something latches onto his ankle and he summons his fire—there's a shriek and a Shadow Heartless goes up in smoke. Axel calls his other chakram back to his hand and spins, slashing outward as two Darkballs float in from behind. He whirls around, his coat swishing, and takes both chakrams in one hand. He makes a sweeping motion with his free hand and a whole path of land explodes into flame, taking out about ten Heartless. Four Red Nocturnes shoot free, charged by the fire.

There's a roar. Axel turns, knocking two Shadows out of the way, to see a Behemoth looming over the two Nobodies. It looks like some kind of dinosaur, four-legged, bulky, with shadowy tusks that curl up above its head. It opens its mouth wide and roars again, and the smaller Heartless flock to it, organizing, preparing.

Axel lets out a cackle. "Excellent! Now things are getting interesting!"

"Axel, this is too much," Roxas says, appearing beside him. "Most of them were already the strong kind, and now a Behemoth?"

Axel just laughs. "Whadaya wanna do, run for help? No way! I'm gonna have me some fun!"

"Axel, we need to work _together!"_

But Axel is already rushing forward, yelling, his chakrams spinning near his hands. Darkballs come at him from the right, Air Soldiers from the left, and the Behemoth ahead gathers itself for a leap. Fire bursts outward, catching some of the Darkballs and Air Soldiers—the rest dodge or break through unscathed. Axel stops, skids, and slashes outward with his chakrams. The remaining Darkballs vanish into smoke and darkness, but the Air Soldiers, always agile, evade and attack from above. Axel feels claws in his shoulder and calls his fire. Flames burst up around him, catching two of the Air Soldiers, which shriek and dart away to try and escape. Roxas comes leaping through the air, cutting them down with one slash.

There's a roar and a shadow falls over Axel. He looks up to see the Behemoth has leapt into the air and is falling toward him like a meteor. He and Roxas leap out of the way and the Behemoth crashes down, shaking the earth and sending both Nobodies to the ground.

Lightning strikes Axel and pain shoots all through his body. For one wild second he thinks of Larxene, but then he leaps back to his feat and takes down the Yellow Opera with a fireball. He flings both chakrams and they tear through three Shadows and a Blue Rhapsody, killing them instantly.

Suddenly dark purple smoke fills Axel's vision and his lungs seem to catch fire; he doubles over, coughing, and sees a Black Fungus through the smoke.

_Poison gas, right. Well, let's see if it's flammable._

He can taste darkness in his throat, but he calls on his fire. There's an explosion and the scream of Heartless as the fire spreads outward, destroying the mushroom-like Black Fungus and several other nearby Heartless. This time instead of letting the fire go out, Axel keeps it going, building it stronger, spreading it farther. His chakrams spin faster than racecar wheels near his hands, catching fire and becoming orange streaks in the air. They start to circle him, slashing at the Heartless closing in. Tendrils of fire leap out all around him, reaching for the dark monsters all around Axel.

"_Whooo!"_ Axel roars, fire spinning and leaping and dancing around him. "Eat this, assholes!"

The Behemoth charges him and then rears back as an explosion of fire attacks its front and underside. Through the rippling air and smoke Axel sees Roxas make a flying leap onto the Behemoth's back and start slashing at its head.

The fire is intensifying, creeping over Axel's body now, writhing and dancing around him like a thousand angry snakes. The heat is starting to hurt his eyes. The fire spreads further, and pink hearts seem to turn all of Hollow Bastion pink with their light.

"Axel! _Axel!"_ Roxas is on the ground again, the Behemoth dissolving into shadow behind him. "You're releasing too much energy!"

Axel can barely hear him. The flames are roaring in his ears, searing his vision. He can feel the fire starting to prickle across his skin, and for some reason his hands are shaking. Somewhere deep inside him something is happening—something is rising, taking shape, crying to be released. Axel holds onto it, trying to force it back down, but the force is persistent.

_Not yet, not yet…_

Axel throws his chakrams out beyond the wall of flames around him and senses the weapons honing in on Heartless, killing them one by one. Tongues of flame follow the chakrams, seeking out the Heartless that escape. Two Red Nocturnes break through Axel's flames, untouched—both chakrams come back and cut them both in two.

The force inside Axel is growing in strength, screaming for liberation, and with it is coming something strange—feeling. Sensation. Color, sound, light. So familiar and yet so strange. Axel's whole body is shaking now. He's losing control.

Then suddenly, something hits the back of his head hard. He goes down and his face hits concrete. The fire dies. The force inside him sinks back into nothingness, into the void where his heart was.

"Sweet _fuck!"_ Roxas curses from above him. Axel looks up, rubbing the back of his head. Roxas is glaring down at Axel like he means murder. The sleeves of his coat are smoking.

"What the hell is the matter with you?!" Roxas demands. "Are you _crazy?!"_

"You hit me? Why the hell did you hit me?"

Darkness looms behind Roxas, and Roxas doesn't answer. He spins around and hacks his way through a handful of Shadows and Blue Rhapsodies. Axel starts to get to his feet, but his muscles feel like jelly and he sinks back to the pavement.

_What the…what the fuck happened to me?_

There are only a few Heartless left. Axel watches from the ground as Roxas deals with the rest, spinning, dodging, practically dancing as he kills the last of them. Axel forces himself to a sitting position. Roxas drives his Keyblade through the last Darkball and stands with his back to Axel, panting, his Keyblade still at the ready before him. Silence falls over the street.

For awhile, the two Nobodies remain motionless. Then Roxas disappears his Keyblade and whips around, his laser-eyes set to kill.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" he snarls, sounding like it's all he can do to keep his voice level. "What the hell was that? Were you trying to kill the Heartless _and_ us?"

Axel rubs his head, feeling rather indignant. Roxas _hit_ him. "What did I _do?"_

"I don't know, but I could _feel_ it. It was like you were going to fucking explode or something. Rattled my teeth. You were releasing _way_ too much energy. What the hell were you thinking?"

"I wasn't _thinking,_ I was _fighting._ I didn't explode, plus I killed most of the Heartless, so what are you complaining about?" Axel thinks that if he were on his feet this would sound a lot more compelling, but still.

_I don't get it…what happened to me? Why did I go all weak like that?_

"I had to run through your stupid fire just to stop you!" Roxas makes an angry motion with his arm and winces, drawing his arm up to his chest. Axel stiffens.

"Wait—did you—did I burn you?"

"It's nothing," Roxas says through his teeth. "You didn't even know I was there, did you? God damn it, Axel, you could have killed both of us. You're the fucking fire-user, you should know better than to let it get out of control like that. What the hell happened? I've never seen you get like that."

_Out of control? The fire was…?_

"Get like what?" Axel mutters.

"Completely _lose_ it," Roxas snaps. "You looked like you'd gone crazy. I mean _Saïx _crazy."

Comparing him to Saïx. That's a low blow, but Axel is starting to wonder if he doesn't deserve it.

_Was I really out of control? It felt like normal…except for that thing I felt, that force…suddenly I felt strong, totally powerful, and totally…_

Axel's eyes widen and he realizes.

_Totally whole._

The power he felt—it was the power from his _heart._ He had unconsciously drawn upon it while battle crazed; but there had been nothing there to draw on. It had been that power, that _void_ that had been yawning inside him, wider and wider until it threatened to consume him.

Axel puts his hand to his chest and clutches his coat.

_It was my heart. I could feel it. For a second there, I could feel it. I remember. God, I can remember what it felt like, having a heart. I can remember why I wanted one so badly._

His fist tightens and he grits his teeth.

_But if I had let it go on, it would have killed me._

"Is that what it takes, then?" he whispers. "Is dying what it takes?"

"What? What did you say?"

Axel gets slowly to his feet, still shaking a little. He sighs and faces Roxas, looking him in the face, avoiding looking at the burns on his arms.

"I'm sorry," he says. "I lost it, I don't know why. Just haven't killed Heartless in a long time I guess…"

Roxas gives him a narrowed look, and for awhile he doesn't say anything.

"Are you okay?" he asks at length. "You've been strange since you got back."

Axel snorts, looking away from Roxas. "You try spending a month in that goddamn castle and see if _you_ don't come back a little fucked up." He hesitates, and his eyes flick briefly back to Roxas. "Are your hands alright?"

"I'm fine."

_I burned him, I can't believe it. I've never burned anyone—well, I mean, not accidentally anyway._

"Sorry," Axel mutters.

Roxas heaves a sigh and shakes his blonde head. "Let's just get back."

-------

The nearly-exploding thing took a lot out of Axel; as soon as they get back to the castle he collapses into bed, leaving Roxas to give the report. Axel doesn't exactly care what the kid tells the Superior—truth or lie, it won't matter. It won't change what happened.

He isn't sure how long he sleeps, but when he wakes up he still feels weak and still tastes darkness in his throat. He lies in bed for awhile, staring at the ceiling (white. Everything is still so goddamn white), thinking.

That feeling before, the feeling of power rising inside of him—his _heart_—it was rather like seeing color after spending your whole life blind. Like hearing music after being deaf for years. It was like tasting something that you lost, that you never thought to experience again—for the briefest of moments, only to lose it again. Only to have it _taken_ from you again.

"God _damn_ it," Axel snarls and punches the wall behind his head. Pain shoots through his hand but he doesn't care.

_It's like waking up back then, waking up and not remembering but knowing that I had lost something so important. It's the same feeling as then._

It's not fair. And what a ridiculous thing to think, but Axel can't help himself. How can people like Sora, Riku, all those little brats—how can _they_ have hearts when there are people in the world who don't? When _Axel_ doesn't have one? You live as a Nobody for as long as Axel has and you get used to it and learn to stop complaining. But it's different this time. Axel got a clear, beautiful, terrible look at exactly what it was he lost and then had that vision snuffed out again.

It's just not _fair._

_I want to feel it again. But is dying the only way to get our hearts back? Is that the price we have to pay?_

Axel gets to his feet and pads across his room to the window. He pulls back the curtain and looks out at the heart-shaped moon floating high above. Kingdom Hearts.

_Or is that the answer? I'd forgotten why that stupid moon was so important to us. I'd forgotten why it's all the older guys talk about. Kingdom Hearts, Kingdom Hearts. I understood it once, but I stopped believing in it. Now I think I get it again._

Two choices—death or completing Kingdom Hearts.

Axel closes his eyes and leans on the windowsill, sighing.

_I think I'll take the latter. Fine. I'll start working harder. I'll start taking this job more seriously. Because I want to feel it again, no matter the cost._

Axel stands there for awhile, eyes closed, feeling the light from Kingdom Hearts on his face. Eventually he stands up straight and stretches, then turns and heads for the door. No more sleep tonight.

He paces the halls silently, walking without purpose or direction. He passes a training room and sees Xaldin practicing with his wind spears. The older Nobody takes no notice and Axel keeps walking until he finds himself at the cafeteria.

Roxas is sitting at a bench, book open on the table, a mug of coffee in one hand. Axel tries to back out but Roxas, never one to be fooled, looks up at the sound.

"You're up."

"So are you." Axel looks around the room. There's no escape now, so he steps into the cafeteria, trying to look nonchalant. "Thought I'd see what Luxord is always raving about when he talks about tea."

Roxas makes an indiscriminate sound and returns to reading his book. Axel hesitates by the doorway, wondering if he should just leave. Eventually he gives it up and walks into the room, heading for the mugs and the tea bags. He puts a mug of water into the microwave and stares at it, watching the microwave light, because he doesn't want to look at Roxas. Roxas is wearing his coat and gloves, and he never wears his coat and gloves at night. Axel wonders how bad the burns are.

"You know, when you were talking about last hurrahs and making a sun the other day, I thought you were just kidding," Roxas says after awhile.

Axel doesn't look at him. "I _never_ kid, Roxas, I am _always _serious. See, this is me being serious." Axel makes the kind of face he thinks Xaldin would make. The microwave beeps and Axel pulls out his tea.

"I don't understand you," Roxas says under his breath. "Every time I think I have you figured out, you go and do something totally insane."

"I'm an unpredictable kind of guy," Axel says, sitting down across from Roxas. He summons a tiny flame to his hand and watches it for a moment. "Comes with the territory—fire and all. Fire's the same way." He snuffs the flame and takes a sip of tea. Not bad.

"No wonder fire kills people indiscriminately."

"Listen, it's not like I meant for what happened today," Axel says, getting irritated. "I said I was sorry. I just…pent up energy or something. Look, I'm just as weirded out as you are. I don't lose control like that. It just doesn't happen. So I'm not gonna let it happen again."

"What exactly were you doing, anyway?" Roxas asks, fixing his laser-glare on Axel. Axel tries to be angry, but he can't bring himself to do it. God, but he missed that glare.

"It was like…I don't know how to describe it in words," Axel says. He pauses, rubbing his chin and taking another sip of tea. It's good stuff, though Axel thinks he still prefers coffee.

"There was this power inside me. Coming from that void, you know the one. It was my _heart,_ Roxas. I felt it. Just for a second. Then it was gone."

Axel sighs and rests his hand in his chin. "If I'd let it go on, I probably would have killed you and me and everything else in the vicinity."

For a long time, neither of them speak, absorbing what Axel has said.

"Your heart, huh?" Roxas says at length. "What did it feel like?"

"Like everything. Everything possible."

Roxas is silent, but Axel thinks he hears him whisper, _Wow._

"Your hands," Axel says, gripping the tea mug with both hands and staring down into the green-brown liquid. "Are you…alright? I really didn't mean to burn you."

"I figured as much," Roxas says, flexing both hands. "I'm not exactly the expert, but I'm thinking that friends usually try to _avoid_ burning each other."

Axel laughs and Roxas smiles.

"I'm not gonna let it happen again," Axel repeats. "So you don't have to worry. It kind of sucks to lose something like that all over again, so I don't want to try it again."

They fall silent again, and Axel finishes off his tea. He lifts the mug to throw it against the wall like normal, but then decides against it. He sets it back down and gets to his feet, suddenly tired again.

"Axel."

Axel looks down at Roxas, who isn't looking at him.

"What really happened at Castle Oblivion?"

Axel stares at him for awhile, long enough that Roxas eventually looks up. It's been awhile since Axel looked into Roxas's eyes, really _looked_ into them, and he had forgotten how blue they were. Completely unlike Sora's eyes. So much better than Sora's eyes.

Sora. How long will it be until he wakes up? What will he remember when he does?

_If he finds out about Roxas and comes after him, he'll have to come through me. And this time, I won't lose._

"A lot of stuff. Lots of fireworks, like I said." Axel sighs and folds his arms, looking away. "I hated it there. It was awful. Everything was awful. Even with everything that went crazy, the mutiny. It was fun to watch, but it was awful. I mean, for _fuck's sake,"_ Axel bursts out. "Larxene didn't have to fucking die. Marluxia didn't have to be so blind and stupid. Zexion didn't have to be in the wrong goddamn place, on the wrong goddamn side. Vexen didn't…" But Axel trails off as he realizes what he was about to say.

He rubs the back of his head and laughs it off.

"Look at me being all angsty. Totally unlike me. What do I care about those idiots? Whatever. Shit went down, that's all you really have to know. I'm going to bed."

Axel turns to go, but then Roxas is talking again.

"Axel…I'm sorry."

Axel turns back. Roxas is staring at him with that look, that stupid look he got the times that he thought Axel was dying. Axel hates that look.

"Whatever," he says, and turns and leaves.

-------

Axel senses a presence as he is waking up, the way you can sense when your cat is leaning over you or when someone is standing in the doorway behind you. He opens his eyes and the first thing he sees is an X. He squints. There are eyes behind the X and icy-blue hair hanging around it.

It takes Axel a moment to understand what he is looking at.

"Sweet holy fucking shit," Axel says and sits up. Saïx moves away before they can crack skulls and gives Axel a look that is half-amused, half-sadistic. Axel scoots away against the headboard; Saïx is sitting further down the bed—_Axel's_ bed, which is creepy in and of itself. Axel looks around the room quickly, searching for a quick exit.

"How the fuck did you get into my room? _Why_ the fuck are you in my room?"

"The Superior has elevated me to second-in-command," Saïx says lightly, as if it's a non-issue. "I can go anywhere in this castle that I want, Axel."

Saïx? Second-in-command? Axel feels sick.

"Dude. Get the _fuck_ out of my room."

Saïx leans toward him, close, way too close for comfort.

"I've been investigating you, Axel. I thought something was a little wrong with your Castle Oblivion story. And m as the Superior trusts you, and I cannot fathom why he does, I'm afraid that he agreed that you weren't entirely truthful in your report. He asked me to go there and confirm what you told him. And do you know what I found there, Axel?"

Axel gets to his feet and walks for the door, but then Saïx is there, blocking his way.

"I said get _out_ of my room, you _freak."_

Saïx starts walking forward, forcing Axel backward.

"Nothing, Axel. I found nothing," Saïx says, and Axel finds himself with his back to the wall. "Very convenient for you, isn't it? No, Axel, no evidence with which I can possibly condemn you for the traitor you are. Nothing, that is, but what the moon tells me."

"You're insane. You're _crazy."_

"You don't understand, Axel," Saïx says, shaking his head in an almost sorrowful way. "Fire speaks to you, water speaks to Demyx, and the moonlight speaks to me. Did you know that the moon is a mirror, Axel? It reflects everything that has happened. And I can _see_ those reflections."

Axel can feel his face turning white, actually feel it.

Saïx leans into Axel's ear.

"You killed Vexen in cold blood, didn't you? You murdered him."

Axel says nothing.

"You didn't do it to gain Marluxia's trust. You didn't do it because you were following orders. You did it because you wanted to. You murdered a comrade for no reason other than that you wanted to."

Axel says nothing.

"How did it feel, Axel? It wasn't like killing a Heartless, was it? A Nobody can think, even if it can't feel. It can talk to you. It can beg for its life. Did he beg for his life before you killed him, Axel? Did you like it?"

Axel closes his eyes and says nothing.

"And you call me the crazy one," Saïx scoffs. "I know about Vexen, and I know the other things you did there, Axel. Of course, I can't prove it. The Castle is fading, falling into darkness, as is its world and its moon. I have no evidence that I can show Xemnas. But I know it, and you know it. I know there's no guilt in you, but I wonder. I wonder what would happen if I told the others? If I told fragile little Demyx? He looks up to you, you know. Or what if I told Roxas? He still considers you his friend, doesn't he? I tried to warn him, truly, I did. You're not the kind of person to have friends, Axel, except to betray them. I tried to tell him that, but he didn't listen. I wonder if he would change his mind, if I told him what you did?"

Axel summons his fire and flames leap up above his hands. His eyes snap open and he glares at Saïx. He thinks about all the ways he could kill him. Incinerate him. Shove the fire down his throat and burn him from the inside out. Boil his brain in its own fluids.

Saïx smiles.

"You look like murder, Axel."

"You need to leave," Axel says, and he can barely recognize his own voice. The fire rises. "Now."

Saïx keeps grinning, though his eyes narrow. He shrugs, nonchalant, and opens a dark portal.

"Think about it, Axel," he says. "There's no avoiding it, after all. You can't change what you are, and what you are is a traitor. Sooner or later, you'll betray him."

Axel moves forward, but then Saïx is gone. The portal closes and the darkness vanishes. Axel roars a curse and the fire explodes before disappearing as well.

He falls back against the wall, staring at his hands. More than anything right now, more than anything in the entire world, he wants to hunt Saïx down, hunt him down and kill him. Axel has done it before, and he knows he can do it again. It was easy with Vexen, if painful—it'll be far easier with Saïx.

_Calm down. Just calm the fuck down. Oh, goddamn it, damn it all…_

Axel grits his teeth and slides down the wall. The worst possible thing has happened. Saïx, Saïx of all people, now has something to hold over him.

_And here I thought this day couldn't get any worse. Silly me._

Axel makes a sound like a caged jaguar and covers his face with both hands.

_What's wrong with me?_

--------------------------------------------

Wow, finally a chapter, after what, two months? Looks like I'm not getting this up by Sunday at midnight like I promised…so sorry! But I'm only an hour late, so maybe you can forgive me .

Really kind of angsty, violent chapter here. Sorry about that. Hope none of you mind. Hope also that you like this, considering how long I've kept you guys waiting. I feel really bad about that, but this semester has been absolutely god-awful. Fortunately it's ending very soon, in about four weeks—yay!—and come summer, I'll definitely be able to update more regularly. I'll also try to get another chapter up before then, but with finals coming up, I don't know if it's going to happen.

Dunno if I like this chapter all that much, but I guess it works.

Anyway, thanks ever so much for sticking around this long and for being patient and all. I love you guys!

Feedback is candy for my soul.


	14. Scorpion and Frog

**Disclaimer:** Yep, still don't own any of it. Lol, I really don't think I'm supposed to be putting the disclaimer up all the time, but I've gotten used to it. Remember, there still might be **spoilers** around, since this is post KH: CoM. 

------------------------------------------------

Not That I Care

14

Scorpion and Frog

_But when they got about halfway across the river,_

_the scorpion stung the frog. The frog asked,_

"_Why did you sting me? Now we shall both die."_

_The scorpion replied, "Because it is my nature."_

_--Aesop_

Roxas is concentrating, eyes closed, hands out at his sides and slightly raised. It's early morning—at least as "early morning" as can be in a world without sunlight—and Roxas is alone in a darkened practice room.

_Two Keyblades. One dark and heavy, the other light and warm._

He thinks about the Keyblades, about their appearances, about how they felt in his hands. He remembers what it was like to wield them, how he suddenly felt powerful, capable of anything and everything. His fingers curl around empty air as he screws his face up, concentrating harder.

_Two Keyblades…_

There's a slight puffing sound and a weight appears in his hand—only one hand. He opens his eyes and looks down. It's a Keyblade, but it's the one he always uses, gleaming vaguely in the faint moonlight.

"Damn," Roxas mutters without much feeling. He didn't expect it to work. He has been trying to summon the two Keyblades, the ones he summoned while in Wonderland, for awhile now. It doesn't make any sense. Summoning the regular Keyblade is easy—all he has to do is think about it and it comes. It should work the same with the two more elaborate Keyblades, but so far it hasn't. No matter what he does, he can't summon them.

_Maybe I'm distracted,_ Roxas thinks, running a gloved hand through his hair. It's been a busy few weeks. Never mind Axel's rather calamitous return and all the reports and rumors flying about Castle Oblivion; recently, the workload has reached exhausting extremes. No one ever accused the Superior of being anything less than a slave-driver, but lately he's been all but dumping missions on them all. Xaldin and Xigbar have been gone on separate missions for four days straight. Demyx comes back to the castle each night looking like he's been dragged through a thresher. Roxas hasn't even seen Axel in two days, which is the big indicator of how busy things are, since Axel usually goes out of his way to hunt Roxas down and bother him. Axel seems to be the only one actually enjoying the heavy workload, which means that something must be very wrong.

Roxas can understand. There's over a dozen worlds now, and only eight members left in the Organization. The old worlds are locked and only a handful of Heartless have appeared there, but not a single Heartless can be left alive—Xemnas is more determined than ever to complete Kingdom Hearts. The newer worlds have had a steadily increasing trickle of Heartless for the Organization to deal with. That's on top of dealing with the locals and doing research back home. The residents of Hollow Bastion in particular have been rather hostile toward the Nobodies. The few outsiders who know of the Nobodies are starting to think of them as no better than Heartless. The only good point of the past few weeks is that Roxas hasn't had a single headache. They've completely disappeared.

Roxas stretches his arms above his head. It's been busy, and it's going to get a lot busier. The unlocked worlds will start to get more Heartless, now that Sora is asleep. The Organization has to pick up the slack while Sora naps away.

_Sleeping on the job. Some hero._

Roxas disappears his Keyblade and starts concentrating again.

_Oathkeeper. Oblivion. Those are their names. I don't know how I know, but I do. I can do this. Just think about them, remember them. Think about Kairi._

Roxas hates clichés, but Kairi's face and name have literally been haunting him ever since the day in Wonderland. He dreams about her—little snippets of conversation, little flashes of her beneath palm trees on a golden beach. Yet the dreams are always strange. It's as if he's never really there with Kairi, as if he is floating outside of his body, watching himself with her. He doesn't know anything about her except for her name and appearance—but he knows somehow that he cares about her, deeply.

Roxas feels weight in one hand again and opens his eyes with a sigh. The old Keyblade again.

"If ever I could use your help, Kairi…" Roxas mutters, swinging the Keyblade around in front of him. "Dammit. I wish I knew how I did it that time."

"Whoa, this is a rare sight. Roxas in a freaking _practice room,"_ says a voice, and Roxas turns to see Axel stepping through the doorway. He looks as if he hasn't slept in awhile, hair matted, eyes rather dim.

Roxas disappears the Keyblade somewhat quickly.

"What're you up to?"

"Practicing," Roxas says quickly. "That's why it's called a _practice_ room. Got it—?"

"No, no, you're not allowed to say it. That's _my_ catch phrase, understand? I have it under copyright. You can make up your own. Commit _that_ to memory."

"Shut up."

"I don't think I've ever seen you in a practice room. I mean, there's nothing to kill here. Usually you're practicing on actual Heartless down in the city."

"I wanted the peace and quiet, but then guess who showed up?"

Axel snorts. "Peace and quiet are vastly overrated," he says, and blows a hole in the wall with a fireball to demonstrate.

"It must have been a dangerous wall," Roxas says, too used to Axel to be fazed.

"The worst kind. It's actually only _pretending_ to be a wall. Lucky I killed it before it could hurt anyone." He puts his hands on his hips, surveying Roxas. "We've got a mission in the Pride Lands all day today."

"Us two?" Roxas grins despite himself. "Good, I've wanted you to see that place. You're gonna love it there."

"Does it have monkeys? It's like Africa, right? Africa has monkeys, doesn't it?"

"You'll see," Roxas says.

"Or we might run into a lion. That'd be sweet."

"Yep. We might. Never know."

Axel yawns and cracks his neck. "We've got time to kill before the Boss sends us off into the wide worlds. Hey, I have an idea. We haven't sparred in, like, a zillion years."

"You want to spar?"

Axel summons his chakrams and spins them lazily in his hands. "Sure, why not?"

Roxas looks at him strangely. "Well, just that you never want to practice. You're usually setting up elaborate schemes so you _don't_ have to do work. You've been unusually gung-ho lately."

Axel grins at Roxas. "Roxie, Roxie, you should know by now that I'm anything but usual. Sometimes the fire burns hot, yanno? Feel free to construe that as a sexual innuendo."

Roxas makes a face. "I think everything you say can be construed as a sexual innuendo. And don't ever call me Roxie." Roxas considers for a moment, then summons his Keyblade. "Alright, we'll spar. Just don't blame me when I wipe the floor with you."

_This might give me a chance to summon the two Keyblades. Maybe I need to be in an actual fight? This is only practice, but it might be enough…_

Axel gives a rather evil smirk, spinning his chakrams. "Don't count your lizards before they hatch."

"You never make any sense," Roxas says, and charges. Axel leaps backward to avoid Roxas's swing and summons his fire to one of his weapons. Roxas dodges as Axel throws the other one; it whistles as it arcs past Roxas and returns to Axel's hand.

Axel sends a stream of fire at Roxas and Roxas dives and rolls, then scrambles back to his feet just behind Axel. Roxas swings and Axel whirls around; there's a _clang_ as chakram meets Keyblade. Axel doesn't hesitates and slashes with the flaming chakram, but Roxas ducks just in time and leaps away.

They circle each other, eyes locked, weapons ready.

This time Axel moves first. He feints to the right and then darts left, throwing the blazing chakram in the same motion in the opposite direction. The chakram comes at Roxas from one side while Axel comes from the other. Roxas takes a flying leap into the air and lands further away, just as Axel catches the free chakram and snuffs the flames.

_Second Keyblade. Come on, second Keyblade..._

"Whoo! Speedy as ever, shorty."

"Sparrows can outmaneuver big hawks," Roxas says, grinning.

"Yeah, but the hawk always wins in the end," Axel says, and charges, both chakrams in his hands. Roxas slides one foot backward, brings his Keyblade up and parries. The blade catches between two points on one chakram and Axel wrenches backward, pulling Roxas off balance. Axel swings with the free chakram, but then Roxas drops under Axel's guard. With a roar he swings his Keyblade, knocking one chakram from Axel's hand and sending it clattering to the floor. Axel raises his other chakram as Roxas swings again and they freeze with their weapons at each other's throats.

They stand there for a moment, panting, both of them surprised.

"You've gotten faster," Axel mutters, eyes flicking down to the metal pressed against his neck.

"You've gotten…" Roxas searches for a word and frowns. "Trickier."

As one they step away from each other. Roxas heaves a sigh and disappears his Keyblade. Only the one again; Roxas will have to try harder. Axel calls his lost chakram back to his hand, not taking his eyes off Roxas.

"You fight a lot like him," Axel says at length.

"Like who?"

"Like Sora," Axel says, and now he looks away. "Other than that, you're nothing like him."

Roxas stares at Axel, confused.

"Okay…"

Axel suddenly grins, perking up. "Hey shorty, who do you think would win if the two of us fought for real?"

The question catches Roxas off guard for a moment, but then he grimaces.

"You would. You'd pull some kind of cheap shot when I was least expecting it."

Axel laughs. "Nice to know you hold me in such high regard."

Roxas just shrugs. "We've killed enough time. Let's get going."

-------

"Dude."

"I know."

"Dude. You are a _fucking lion."_

"I know."

"But you're_ a fucking lion!"_

"Yes, I noticed."

"Okay. Okay, right. Yeah, perfectly normal, you turning into a _lion_ and all, right, no reason to be a little, I dunno, _freaked out."_

Roxas finally lets out the laugh he's been holding in and rolls onto his back, waving all four paws in the air.

"Didn't I tell you? Didn't I tell you this place was awesome?" Roxas says, gasping from the laughter.

"Did I get short? I swear I'm shorter. Oh my god, I have paws! Dude, I'm all furry! Holy _shit_ I can smell_ everything! _Roxas, I can _smell_ what you had for breakfast, you had eggs and toast didn't you?"

Roxas rolls up onto his feet, still laughing. "This is the Pride Lands. Everyone becomes some kind of animal here. Demyx becomes a wild dog, I become a lion, and you…oh."

"What? What 'oh'?" Axel turns his squarish, brown muzzle every-which-way to try and see the rest of himself. He stumbles slightly, not used to going on all fours. "Am I a lion? I can't tell. I don't smell the same as you do."

"No, you're not a lion…" Roxas frowns in a lion-like way, looking Axel over for the first time.  
Axel is a hyena. He could pass as a normal hyena if it weren't for the mop of spiky red fur sprouting from his head and the back of his long neck. His fur is brown and spotted and he has a somewhat short tail. His face is ursine in shape, heavy and squarish like a pit bull's, with rounded ears. The eyes haven't changed, though—still green, still Axel.

_A hyena…_Roxas thinks, and suddenly he's uncomfortable. Every time he has been to the Pride Lands he has seen the hyenas, always lurking in the shadows, watching Roxas from a safe distance. Always ready to rush in if it looks like Roxas or Demyx is going to lose a fight. Roxas has never liked them.

"You're a hyena," Roxas says finally.

Axel laughs, that eerie hyena laugh. "Wow, well it's not a lion, but hell, it feels great! I feel _powerful_, man. Like I could run a thousand miles or kill a gazelle or…"

Roxas tunes Axel out, going over this new development in his head. Hyenas aren't really the notorious scavengers that stories make them out to be, but it's true that they're opportunistic. They'll wait for another predator to make a kill, then steal it while the other is exhausted. They're the thieves of the Serengeti, the opportunists. They're vicious—they're the kind of animal that attacks when your back is turned, when you're least expecting it. They can't be trusted.

And they do not get along with lions. If the local lion pride caught Axel wandering their territory they'd no doubt kill him. Things are always tense between lions and hyenas, but lately, locally, it's tenser than ever. And on the flipside, hyenas have been known to eat lion cubs, which is why Roxas is always wary when he's around the places where they live.

Roxas thinks grimly of what he said to Axel only a few minutes ago, when they were sparring:

"_You'd pull some kind of cheap shot when I was least expecting it."_

_Everyone who comes here takes the shape of an animal that best suits them. Demyx is a wild dog because they're generally pretty friendly. Saïx is a leopard because he's scary and powerful. And I guess…Axel is a hyena because he's…but come on. It's not like he's a complete asshole. True, I don't completely trust him, but I know he'd never betray me or anything, not for real._

Roxas shakes out his meager mane. _But that doesn't really make me feel any better._

"…and is it normal that I'm really craving zebra right now? Hey, are you even listening?"

"Right," Roxas says, turning away and listening to Axel stumbling around on his new paws. "We'd better get going. Most of the Heartless appear in the shadowy place where the hyenas—your buddies—hang out, but some have been appearing around Pride Rock lately. We can patrol between them."

"What's Pride Rock? You're gonna have to show me around, shorty. Man, I feel like I could crush someone's _skull_ in my teeth."

"You probably could," Roxas mutters. "Pride Rock is that rock formation over there, see? It looks like…fingers or something."

Axel grins, and with the teeth he suddenly he looks fearsome. "Stupid Axel. What else could be Pride Rock but the humongous _rock?_ Alright, lead the way. Dammit…how long does it take to get used to walking like this?"

"Awhile," Roxas says shortly, and starts trotting across the savanna. Axel follows as best he can. Roxas barely notices the herds of gazelles and zebra or the occasional cheetah or pack of jackals, but Axel lets out a yelp every time he spots something. Roxas is lost in his own thoughts.

"Okay, I'll admit it," Axel says once he's caught up to Roxas, tripping over his feet a bit less now. "You picked a good place here."

"It's still dangerous," Roxas says, eyeing a handful of jackals that are watching the two Nobodies. "We're animals out here, and we're animals encroaching on _their_ territory. Listen, if you spot any of the lions—"

"There are lions? More of them?"

"Yes, Axel," Roxas snaps, getting impatient and not really knowing why. He was about as excited as Axel is when Roxas first came here; why is he getting so annoyed? "There is a _pride_ of lions living at _Pride_ Rock. Look, just ignore them and don't get too close. Try not to let them see you. Same thing with the hyenas."

"I suppose they'd smell the whole Nobody thing on us," Axel agrees. "But lions go with lions and hyenas go with hyenas, right? Why would we have a problem?"

"Because we're _strangers_ here. I'm not part of the lion pride. You're not part of the hyena pack. That makes us invaders. They'd kill us if they got the chance. And well, lions and hyenas really don't get along."

Axel snorts. "Makes us the exception, huh? We must be an odd herd. Man, you spend way too much time in the library, knowing all this crap about animals."

Roxas doesn't say anything, but he picks up the pace, forcing Axel to trot to keep up. It's a rather nice feeling; usually Roxas is the one who has to practically run to keep up with the long-legged Axel.

They loop around the front of Pride Rock and head deeper into the savanna, toward the shadowy place. The lions are all out of sight; it's midday, and they are no doubt inside Pride Rock to escape the heat. Roxas keeps his eyes and ears out for Heartless and other animals, ignoring Axel behind him, who keeps muttering to himself about the animals and the landscape.

"So who pissed in your soup?"

"What?"

"See, that, exactly. Usually you're showering me with your devotion and attention. I get four legs and suddenly I'm chopped liver?"

"It's not that," Roxas lies. "I'm just keeping an eye out for—"

Suddenly there's a roar that seems to split the world in two. Roxas whips around to see a huge male lion charging them from the direction of Pride Rock. He lets out a snarl.

"Dammit. Mufasa."

"Moo-what?"

The king of the savanna rushes up to them like a freight train with fur and claws and snarls down at the two animal-Nobodies. Roxas moves quickly between the huge lion and Axel, while Axel stares up in awe.

"I heard that there were hyenas in the Pride Lands," the lion says in a rumbling baritone, "but I did not expect it to be accompanied by a _lion._ And one so strangely scented as you. Who are you, young one?"

"Roxas, who is this guy?" Axel hisses at Roxas.

"Mufasa, the king of the pride. The guy in charge," Roxas says through his teeth. Axel whistles and it comes out with a hyena's chuckle. The huge lion glares past Roxas at the hyena behind him.

"We're both travelers. He's a friend of mine."

"You are not from my pride. You may be young, but you should know the rules of our kin. Lions do _not_ enter one another's territory without permission. And they do not go about with hyenas," Mufasa adds, his deep eyes flashing toward Axel. "They are low creatures; they are not to be trusted."

"Hey now, haven't you ever learned not to judge people when you first—?"

Roxas stomps on Axel's foot before he can finish. Mufasa bares his teeth.

"I'm sorry, sir," Roxas says, ducking his head in a show of submission. "We come from afar and I did not know the laws of this land. And this hyena is not like the others; he is my friend."

Mufasa glares between the two for long enough that Roxas starts wondering if he should be drawing his Keyblade. Axel, thankfully, makes no sound.

"Because you are so young…I shall let you get away with trespassing just this once. I can understand the folly of youth—I have a son about your age." Mufasa allows for a faint smile, though the alertness and harshness never leave his brown eyes. "But you must leave now; go to the shadowy place, where the hyenas are. I will not allow hyenas to be gallivanting through my Pride Lands. Their mere presence is an insult."

"Thank you, sir," Roxas says, bowing his head again. He stomps Axel's foot again and they both trot out of the way, making sure not to turn their backs on Mufasa. He watches them the whole time, until Roxas finally turns and takes off across the savanna toward the shadowy place, Axel on his heels. When Roxas looks back again, the king lion is gone.

Axel whistles again once they're safe. "Damn, you weren't lying about this whole 'animal kingdom' shit," he says, chuckling.

"What, you thought I was?" Roxas snaps. "Damn it."

"See? Piss in the soup, I rest my case."

"Just shut up, Axel, for once, could you _please_ just shut up?" Roxas lets out a snarl that is all lion and not at all Roxas.

Axel does shut up, to Roxas's surprise. He doesn't say a word until they reach the shadowy place and meet their first group of Heartless, and then he only speaks to shout challenges and battle cries. They fight there in the shadows among the rocks, while the hyenas watch from above.

-------

"Never fought with an audience before. Except the Organization, of course. Hyenas. It was kind of eerie."

It's the most Axel has said since they got back. Both of them are a little banged up, but it's nothing serious. Roxas is just glad to be back on two feet. They're in the cafeteria, their usual hangout, and Roxas is sipping coffee over an open book.

"Hyenas are like that," he mutters. Like Axel, he hasn't spoken much except to give his repors to Xemnas.

"No wonder you don't like them," Axel says, eyes flicking toward Roxas. "I don't get this whole hang-up with lions and hyenas."

Roxas sighs. The anger has mostly run out of him, and now he's left confused and upset. He doesn't know what has gotten him so annoyed. Somehow he thinks it has nothing to do with his inability to bring out the two Keyblades.

"It's just the way things are," he says. "They're constantly fighting. They never get along. It's just one of those things. Lions take up lots of space and lots of the food, but hyenas are just nasty."

"Well, I'm a hyena apparently, so they can't be all bad."

Roxas doesn't answer.

There's a clank as Axel sets down his coffee mug hard. Roxas looks up at him. Axel is glaring at him, his green eyes sharp.

"It's not like I can control it, you know. It's not my fault I became a fucking hyena."

"I know you can't control it," Roxas mutters back, looking away. "You become what best suits your nature."

"Oh, so that's it," Axel snaps. "We're back to this now? You don't trust me? You think because I show up as a hyena in some crazy world, I must be some kind of traitorous scumbag?"

Roxas looks at him again, carefully. That isn't it, Roxas realizes. Axel has an untrustworthy streak as wide and deep as an ocean, but somehow Roxas trusts him. No completely—Roxas doubts he could ever trust someone completely—but enough. Axel has never let him down before. He's the only one, the _only one,_ who bothered to try and befriend Roxas, when Roxas was completely alone.

_He still doesn't talk about Castle Oblivion. Something must have happened there. But I don't care. That doesn't concern me. As long as he doesn't betray me, I don't care._

"No, I'm sorry," Roxas says finally, shaking his head. He combs his hair with his fingers. "I trust you. It just bothered me is all. I spend weeks out there learning not to trust hyenas, and suddenly you show up as one. It just bothered me. That's all."

Axel snorts, but his eyes soften and he waves a hand at Roxas as if to brush the comment away. "Mistrusting your dear old friend Axel. It pains my heart, truly it does, and I don't even _have _one. Who else would go looking for monkeys with you? Who else would face the evil Keyblade Master for you? All these things I do for you, and yet Axel is still so unappreciated. Ah, 'tis a sad and lonely existence I lead."

"Oh, shut up," Roxas says, though he can't hide a smile. "Still, though. We probably shouldn't go to the Pride Lands together anymore. It's just too out of the ordinary, a lion and a hyena wandering around. If Mufasa catches us again he really will kill us."

"In the wild, the lion is proud and strong, a powerful hunter and merciless defender of his territory," Axel says, putting on a bad British accent. "Watch as he stalks his unsuspecting prey. Ah, the lion truly is a magnificent creature."

Roxas laughs and Axel drains his coffee.

"What's the deal with the Mufasa guy, anyway? He's the king or whatever?"

"Yeah. We've been doing some research…need to know what's going on out there, after all," Roxas says. "He's got a really strong pride, lots of members, and he has one son who's probably going to take over for him when he croaks. Simber or something. Though things aren't looking too good for the pride right now—Mufasa's brother isn't exactly happy about not being king, so there's a lot of political strife and whatnot."

Axel chuckles. "Who know lions had politics? Is nothing sacred?"

"Apparently not," Roxas says. "If anything happens to the pride, like if the brother tries anything, then we'd all probably have to stay out of that world for awhile until things blow over. And in the meantime, you and I shouldn't go there. The lions and the hyenas are fighting harder than ever; it'll just make things worse if we were seen together."

"But darling, I want to take you _out_ at night, see and be seen!" Axel says, fluttering his eyelashes.

Roxas makes a face. "Nice. Seriously, Axel, we can't go there anymore, not together."

Axel sighs. "Fine, fine, ruin the good times. Still, it's awesome there, isn't it? I mean, the feeling of being an animal, being that powerful…it's amazing."

"I know," Roxas says, smiling. "I love it there."

"I still haven't been permanently assigned anyway. As long as I can kill loads of Heartless, I don't really care where I go. I've actually already taken another mission to Hollow Bastion—leave tomorrow."

"You're taking three missions in a row?" Roxas shakes his head, staring at Axel. "And you say I'm acting weird. I mean, I know our caseload is heavy, but you've been working practically nonstop."

"Hey, I figure it's time to start stepping up, you know? Kingdom Hearts isn't going to complete itself."

Roxas tilts his head. "I thought you didn't believe in Kingdom Hearts."

"You look like a confused puppy," Axel laughs. "I don't know if I do believe it—I mean, I'm no zealot like the higher-ups—but hey. It's our only chance, right? I've spent too much time just fucking around, not getting work done. No more. Brand new Axel and all that." Suddenly he grins. "But we're still taking the off-time to hang out in Twilight Town and looking for monkeys."

Roxas smiles, deciding to think about all this later. "We haven't gone monkey-hunting in awhile. I wonder how that baby monkey is doing."

"In the wild, the young ape will eventually grow to be—"

"Axel, shut up."

-------

Roxas knows it's a dream as soon as it begins.

He is sitting on a beach under a giant palm tree. Kairi sits on one side, and a silver-haired boy that Roxas only faintly recognizes sits on the other. All three of them are staring out at the ocean, watching the sunset.

"We'll explore. Find new worlds. Maybe we can even find my home," Kairi says, grinning. Her pink hair drifts in the breeze, and her blue eyes are catching the last of the sun's rays. She looks beautiful; utterly beautiful.

"Once the raft is complete, we can go anywhere we want. We can finally get away from this island," the silver-haired boy agrees fervently. His eyes are on the horizon.

"It'll be great," Roxas agrees, though it's not Roxas. His voice isn't even the same. "The three of us together, always."

"Always," Kairi agrees, and then the dream changes.

It's night, and the island is being torn apart. Heartless are everywhere. Roxas is only carrying a useless wooden sword, dodging to avoid the Heartless. His heart is pounding; he's scared. He can't find Kairi. The other boy, his friend, is already gone.

_Kairi, Kairi, where are you?_

"The Keyblade…use the Keyblade…"

The Keyblade is suddenly in his hands and he swings it clumsily, so scared, so scared. Kairi is nowhere in sight and the entire world seems to be breaking into pieces.

There's a door. Roxas fights his way through and opens it. Inside is a quiet place beneath the island, and there he finds Kairi. He calls her name, but she doesn't seem to hear. Her eyes look dead. And then without warning another door blasts open and darkness pours out. Kairi vanishes before Roxas can catch her. And then the darkness is entangling him as well, pulling him apart, pulling him into the blackness. Kairi's voice is still ringing in his head.

"_Don't ever change. Don't ever change."_

Roxas snaps awake and sits bolt upright in bed, panting, drenched in sweat. His eyes feel wet and he blinks furiously, trying to clear his vision. The island is gone, Kairi is gone; Roxas is alone in his room, in the Castle That Never Was.

Roxas forces himself to calm down, forces his breathing to slow. He wipes away the tears and presses his hand to his forehead.

_Kairi's gone. She's lost. She disappeared into that blackness. Is she still there, lost, alone, scared? But then why did I see her that time? Dammit, dammit, why don't I remember?_

"Why can't I just _fucking remember?!"_ Roxas yells, slamming a fist on the bed. He digs his fingers into the fabric, grasping at it as if holding on tightly enough will bring his memories back. Will bring Kairi back.

He gets to his feet. No more sleep tonight.

He opens the door to his room and goes out to wander the halls, the way he always does. He passes the doors to Number Eight and Number Nine. Axel and Demyx, no doubt asleep and happy, at least as happy as a Nobody can be.

_It's not fair. They all have their memories. None of us have hearts, but at least they can fucking remember. I can't even…I can't see any of it. Even Kairi. I loved her, but she's gone and I have no idea who she was, where she is now, what happened to her. I can't remember anything._

Roxas almost punches a wall as he passes but stops himself. He grits his teeth.

_Calm down. Getting worked up doesn't help anything. I've got to work things out. The memories do seem to be coming back to me in fragments. But one thing's for certain—I've got to find Kairi. I don't care about the rest of it, I just have to find her. What the hell have I been doing, running around as a lion and all this bullshit? It doesn't matter. She's the answer to everything._

He paces the halls and stairways, thinking, planning, going over it all in his head. Nothing he can think of sounds like it will work; he doesn't know where Kairi is, wouldn't even know where to start. Eventually he finds himself at the cafeteria and he steps inside, suddenly craving coffee. Axel is inside, as if he never even moved from earlier today. Not asleep either, apparently. He's sitting at a bench, looking morose, already with a mug of his own. He looks up at Roxas's approach.

"Bad dream?" he asks in a rather hollow-sounding voice.

"Yeah," Roxas answers.

Axel nods gravely. "Yeah," he repeats, and pours a second cup of coffee.

-----------------------------------------

Well this one took me longer than I would have liked, and I'm not completely satisfied with it. But as someone once said, done is better than perfect. I've kept you waiting long enough, my dear chicks. This was supposed to be up a week ago—I know I said it would be, but a whole lot of crap happened and it ended up being postponed. But here it is at last, posted at about four in the morning. Hope you enjoy it. Sorry again for the long wait.

I'm not sure when the next chapter will be up. Definitely not as long away as this one, though I have a little bit of research concerning KH to do until I can go further. Between that and real life stuff like getting a job and writing, it might be a little while, but when I say awhile I mean maybe a week and a half. I'm going to try and update more regularly now that summer is in full swing.

Anyway, here it is. Now I is tired and I must make sleeps.

Feedback is candy for my soul!

NOTE: is being a bitch with the formatting, so if this looks funny, I'm very sorry and I'll try to fix it later. If it looks funny, let me know, because it might look different on different computers.


	15. The Assignment

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the characters or the game or any of it. Just the fic. And that part is still in the courts. Still a **spoiler** warning for those who haven't played CoM.

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Not That I Care

15

The Assignment

_The moth don't care if the flame burns low_

_Cause moth believes in an afterglow_

_And flames are never doused completely_

_All you really need is a love of heat…_

_--Aimee Mann_

Axel is pretty sure right now that if there is a God, the Big Guy must really have it in for him.

"Hollow Bastion," he says, staring at the Superior as if he can't quite believe what he heard.

"Yes."

"With Saïx."

"Yes. You do not want to make me repeat myself again, Number Eight."

"I'm sorry. It's just. _Saïx?"_

Xemnas sighs and drops the file he was examining onto his desk. He gets to his feet.

"He has personally requested your expertise in dealing with the Hollow Bastion situation. Hollow Bastion will therefore be your permanent world of operation, unless I decide that you are needed elsewhere. And I have nothing else to say, Number Eight."

"Sir, Your Eminence, Mr. Boss Man, you know that Saïx and I don't exactly, um, mesh," Axel says, leaning his hands on the Superior's desk. The Superior turns his hooded face toward Axel. Axel can't tell, but he's pretty sure that Xemnas is starting to get pissed.

"Why so argumentative, Number Eight? I thought you enjoyed taking on the difficult workloads lately. Don't tell me you are reverting to your original, lazy self? I've gotten used to this new side of you, Number Eight, and I would be most displeased if it were to disappear."

Axel grits his teeth and leans back from the desk, standing up straight. He closes his eyes to keep his fire under control. Of all the shitty things that Saïx could do…

_He must want to keep an eye on me. Wear me down so that I'll break and say something about Castle Oblivion. Fuck that shit. Fine, Saïx, you want to challenge me? I'll step up._

Axel opens his eyes and gives the Superior a weak smile.

"Hardly," he says. "This new Axel is here to stay. Alright. Hollow Bastion it is."

The Superior just nods and heads to a file cabinet. "Dismissed."

Axel leaves the office in a hurry. When he's outside he stops and leans back against the door, glaring at the floor.

_He hasn't even spoken to me since that night. I guess this had to happen sooner or later._

Eventually, Axel sighs and starts walking down the hall at a rather brisk pace.

"Break time," he mutters to himself. The assignment doesn't begin until tomorrow, and Axel needs to cool off in the worst way.

He heads first to the cafeteria, but the only person there is Xigbar.

"Xiggy."

"Axel, I have a gun, which is a long-distance weapon, which means I can shoot you from way, way over here. You catch my drift?"

"Whatever," Axel says, though he eyes the guns in Xigbar's hands. "You seen Roxas?"

"Nope," Xigbar says, and the guns disappear. "Haven't seen him in awhile. Though I know he's not on assignment today." Suddenly he smirks at Axel. "You two are quite the lovebirds, ain'tcha?"

Axel raises a hand to his forehead as if he feels faint. "Yes, Xigbar. You've caught us. Roxas and I have beautiful, beautiful mansex every night." Axel is extremely glad that Roxas isn't here to overhear him.

Xigbar wrinkles his nose. "Dude, that's nasty. Oh god, how am I supposed to get that visual out of my head?"

Axel grins. "Left yourself open for that one, Xiggy," he says, and leaves before Xigbar can shoot him.

He doesn't find Roxas in the library, or in his room. He scans the Dark City from one of the higher points in the castle but doesn't see him there.

_Where the hell else could the brat be?_

Finally, Axel heads for the practice rooms, the last place he can think of. He is surprised to hear Roxas's voice behind one of the doors to a practice room.

"Damn it!" Roxas is yelling. "Why isn't it working? What am I doing _wrong?"_

Axel pushes the door open and sees Roxas in the middle of the room, panting, his Keyblade in one hand. He whirls on the opening door, but when he sees who it is he relaxes.

"Don't startle me like that."

"What won't work?" Axel asks. "Your brain? Something further south and infinitely more important? I've got some magazines if it's the latter."

Roxas fixes his trademark glare on Axel and Axel actually shivers. He is gladder than ever that Roxas wasn't around to hear his recent comment.

"You want me to rip _yours_ off?" Roxas snarls. "I'm trying a new technique but I'm having trouble with it."

Axel chuckles. "Would a spar help?"

"I doubt it," Roxas mutters and disappears his Keyblade. "Did you want something?"

"I think we're both in need of a quick vacation. Twilight Town. Sea Salt ice cream."

"I dunno," Roxas says, not really looking at Axel. "I'd rather practice some more."

"You'd rather practice some silly battle technique than spend some time with your old pal Axel, who is leaving on permanent assignment only tomorrow? You've crushed my soul, Roxas. I'm deleting you from my friends page, or whatever it is these kids do today."

"Your friends page would be pretty empty then. Seeing as I'm, yanno, the only one."

"Oh, burn."

"Where'd you get assigned?"

Axel smirks. "I'll tell you if you come with me."

Roxas sighs heavily and stretches an arm above his head. "Alright, fine, I'll come."

"Happy day! You get a place in my top ten."

"Top one," Roxas corrects, and Axel opens a portal for them both.

-------

Sea Salt ice cream is a rather remarkable thing. It's sweet like any other ice cream, but like the name, there's a salty aftertaste. You wouldn't think salt would go well with ice cream, but somehow the combination works. Axel is quite pleased with it.

They're sitting on the roof of one of the buildings in Twilight Town, one of the ones that overlooks the rest of the town. It's late afternoon and the ice cream is melting down its stick in the heat. Roxas is seated beside Axel with his own ice cream bar.

"It's actually kinda…good," Roxas says, sounding surprised.

"Weird, but good," Axel agrees, licking up a stray drop that has landed on his hand.

"It works. I mean, usually I don't like sweets. But the salt offsets it. Or whatever." Roxas leans back and looks out over the town. "This is nice."

Axel has to smile. The kid sounds more content than he has in ages.

Axel lets Roxas bask in his contentment for awhile until he decides to speak.

"Hollow Bastion."

"Huh?"

"That's where I've been stationed."

"They're starting to call it Radiant Garden, you know. Not that anyone cares. Doesn't Saïx—?

"Yep," Axel says, biting off the last chunk of ice cream and licking the stick clean. His molars complain but he ignores it. When he looks over at Roxas he finds that the younger nobody is staring at him with that usual intense gaze.

"And you're okay with that?"

"Hell, of course I'm not okay, but orders is orders. There's plenty of ass to kick there."

"Yeah, and that's worth putting up with that son of a bitch? You could request to be sent elsewhere."

"The son of a bitch is the one who requested _me."_

"So he can torture you."

Axel just shrugs. "Ah well. I can put up with it. I'll just kick his ass if he gets out of line."

"Unless the moon is shining at the time," Roxas mutters, looking back out over Twilight Town.

"Your ice cream is melting."

Roxas slurps the rest of it up, cleans off the stick and then tosses it down to the street below, right into a trash can.

"Three points," Roxas says, leaning back again. "Look, just don't blow up on him. Literally or figuratively. If you kill him or anything Xemnas would be pretty pissed."

Axel is silent awhile before answering.

"Unless it was justified. Didn't you ever watch cop shows? Justifiable homicide."

"Who knows if I did or not? They might not even have had TV in my world. Most of the worlds we've been to they don't, you know. And I don't think getting really, really pissed off or even really hating them is justification for killing someone. Beating the shit out of them, yeah. I think only if they've done something unforgivable is it justified. So just don't cross the line, okay?"

Axel says nothing.

_Unforgivable? Is what Vexen did unforgivable? Yeah, it is! He intentionally created a freaking Nobody! But is that really why I killed him?_

Axel wonders if Saïx really will be able to pull the truth out of him. They all have their manipulative streak, all the Organization members, but Saïx is sadistically manipulative. And whereas Larxene was more one for causing physical pain, Saïx is the one who knows exactly what buttons to push. How to get under your skin without the use of sharp instruments.

"Hey," Roxas says out of the blue. Axel jerks a little and looks over at him.

"It's been really busy, and it's probably gonna get worse. We probably won't have much time later on, so…maybe we should try to go find the monkey today."

Axel grins. "Well this is a first. Roxas suggesting that we run off and be all unprofessional and totally ignore protocol or whatever in order to kill our boredom?"

"Yes," Roxas says solemnly. "And seeing as it will likely never happen again, we should make use of it." He waves his hand and opens a dark portal. "You coming or not?"

Axel chuckles and follows him through the portal. They land in the jungle world, just outside of the camp by the ridge.

Roxas puts his hands on his hips and looks around.

"Sweet mercy, I forgot how freaking hot it is here," Axel says, the heat and humidity closing in around him like a wool blanket. A damp wool blanket.

"The monkeys we saw were that way, right?" Roxas says, pointing.

"Think so. I'll lead the way—wouldn't want you getting lost in the bushes or eaten by a snake or something. Seeing as, yanno, you're just so sho—"

"Har, har," Roxas growls, and starts walking ahead of Axel. Axel laughs and follows him.

They search until sundown, but neither of them finds a single monkey.

-------

Axel knows he's in for trouble when he first sees the smirk on Saïx's face.

"Ah, so glad you could finally make it, Axel," Saïx says, his weird eyes locking on Axel's. "Though your punctuality, as ever, leaves something to be desired."

"I'm like two minutes late," Axel says.

"Five minutes, Axel, and it truly bespeaks your character that you not only make a habit of being late but then proceed to argue about it."

"I'm not arg—okay. Can we just go find the Heartless and kill them now?" Axel says through gritted teeth. He turns away from Saïx to break eye contact and scans the city. He doesn't see any Heartless, but he's at the front of the city, and the Heartless rarely come up here. The city's security systems keep them away mostly. They'll likely be by the chasm further in. The place still has a lot of dark residue left over from when this world was a Heartless breeding ground.

"Good to see you're so ready to run off and kill things," Saïx says, and Axel can hear the smirk in his voice. "Very well then. The chasm below the city has been their massing point for some time now. The biggest problem, however, is that the residents of Hollow Bastion continue to interfere, trying to kill the Heartless themselves. It is imperative that they never see us or any trace of us. I truly hope that you can at least attempt a go at subtlety."

"Well if I'm this huge mass murderer like you say then I've got to at least have some talent for it, right?" Axel says, looking over his shoulder and giving Saïx his most terrifying grin. It doesn't work on the other Nobody, of course, but Axel sees his smile fall a little.

"Let's be on our way, shall we?" Saïx says, moving past him. Axel sighs and follows him down into the city toward the chasm.

They walk in silence, Axel keeping an eye on Saïx's back as well as his surroundings. For a world that's supposed to be teeming with people, Axel doesn't see anyone on the streets. Street vendors are leaning on their counters, scanning the streets for customers, and the shops all look open but unoccupied. He glances back at Saïx, who seems unconcerned about the absence of people.

"Most of them are in the chasm, fighting Heartless. The rest have shut themselves up inside to avoid them, or are hard at work in the lower parts, trying to rebuild."

"I didn't say anything," Axel growls, wondering how Saïx knew exactly what Axel was thinking.

Saïx just chuckles.

Axel suppresses a groan. _Why does this shit happen to me? How did I get stuck with this creepy ass bastard?_

"What did Vexen do to make you hate him so much, Axel?" Saïx asks out of nowhere as they descend a flight of stairs.

"He smelled funny," Axel fires back without hesitation.

"Always ready with a humorous comeback. It's so nice that you are able to joke about our fallen comrades. Though I suppose it's easier when you're the one who killed him."

"As if you really care. You didn't give a damn about Vexen any more than you do about any of the rest of us. Why the bullshit, Saïx? You could be doing so much better, putting me through all kinds of suffering, but you're using such obvious and cheap tactics so far. What happened to the manipulative little asshole we all know and love, huh?"

"Is that why you think I requested your presence here?" Saïx asks, for once looking back at Axel. His weird yellow eyes are genuinely curious. "Heavens no, Axel. I asked you to come because you're so very good at killing people. Or excuse me, killing _things._ There are many Heartless in this world, Axel. This was their home base, if you recall, and they not leaving without a fight."

Axel snorts. "Right. You wanted me here because I'm just such an _awesome_ fighter."

"And to warn you of two things."

"See? Told you."

"As I said before, I will be watching you," Saïx tells him. He comes to a stop and turns around to look in Axel's eyes. "I wanted you here because I don't trust you around the other members of the Organization, most of who trust you at least to some degree."

"So puppy Axel takes a dump on the carpet and now he's not allowed to play with the other doggies?"

Saïx smiles. "It would be far less easy for you to stab someone in the back when they refuse to turn their back on you."

"'Cept you're kind of walking in front of me."

"It's a figure of speech, you insufferable fool," Saïx says with all the patience in the world.

"So what's the second thing?"

"Oh, it's very simple," Saïx says, lowering his voice. "If you screw up, or if I find reason to, I will tell Roxas what you really did at Castle Oblivion."

Saïx then turns and continues down the stairs. Axel stays frozen for a moment, then dashes down to catch up.

"He'd never believe you," Axel growls.

"Such is the folly of youth—putting trust in people who claim to be your friends."

"He wouldn't believe you," Axel says again. "You have no evidence. And Roxas trusts me."

"Does he now?" Saïx says, as if pondering Axel's words. "I wonder if he'd still trust you if I told him just how much you've kept secret about Sora?"

Axel lets out a small snarl and then hates himself for showing weakness to the older Nobody.

"If you tell him the truth even Xemnas would kill you."

"There are many things I can tell him aside from the fact that Sora is his Other, Axel," Saïx says, in a tone that says the conversation is over.

Axel doesn't reply and grits his teeth, angry at himself for falling into this trap.

_Of course he'd use Roxas against me, that's the way he works. Dammit. Maybe, I dunno, maybe I should just tell Roxas the truth? He'd probably be okay once I explained things. No, who the fuck am I kidding, he'd go all Keyblade Master on my ass. Dammit. So I guess I just have to toe the line. Just while Saïx is watching, anyway. If I just stay calm, be cool, then everything should work out._

Axel glares at Saïx's back as they enter the area with the newly constructed anti-Heartless security system.

_If he tries to take this any further or fuck me over or anything, then screw it. I'm no one's fucking bitch. I don't even care if he tells Roxas then—the kid'll forgive me eventually. I'd just have to stay out of range of the Keyblade for awhile._

Suddenly Saïx raises a fist, signaling Axel to stop. Axel stops dead and peers past Saïx to see two residents of Hollow Bastion taking together as they head down to the Bailey. One has brown hair and a scar across his face, and the other is older with short blonde hair, aviator goggles and a massive hammer slung over one shoulder.

Axel and Saïx stay frozen until the two Somebodies have disappeared around a corner. Then Saïx lowers his fist.

"Come quickly, and keep an eye out," Saïx growls.

"Whatever you say, boss."

They take the long way around to avoid the other two, circumventing the Bailey altogether. It isn't long before they reach the tunnels in the lower part of the city, and Axel thinks he can already sense the Heartless. The whole place stinks of darkness, and the void in Axel's chest is aching, as if in memory.

"Hell, just how many of them are there?" Axel hisses.

"Many. Stay close. Once we reach the chasm, there's a chance we will get separated. If that happens, regroup at that crane we passed earlier. Think you remember those simple instructions, Axel?"

"Huh? What? Didn't catch that the first time. Remember what?"

"Very well," Saïx says, ignoring Axel's comments. "Follow me."

Axel follows Saïx through the pale blue tunnels, and eventually the void in Axel's chest aches even more sharply. They're close.

Without warning the tunnel opens up into a wide, black chasm. Axel blinks. No, the chasm is the same pale blue stone as the tunnels and cliffs. The black that Axel is seeing is the Heartless.

There's millions of them.

"Holy—"

"We fight now," Saïx says, and a crazed spark comes to his eye. He launches himself toward the Heartless, his massive weapon appearing in an instant. He wields the sword expertly, taking out at least twenty Heartless before they even know what's hit them.

"Damn nutcase," Axel growls and runs out after Saïx, his eyes darting around to make sure none of the Bastion folks are watching. Axel sets one of his chakrams ablaze and sends it shooting toward the writhing mass of blackness, cutting a fiery trail straight through the Heartless. Almost immediately the Shadows have spotted him and are closing in. Axel loses sight of Saïx in the surge of darkness and concentrates on fighting.

He sends a burst of fire to his right and left and then swings with both chakrams in hand to cut down the Heartless closing in from the front and back. Seconds into the fight and already he's surrounded; he might as well be in an ocean of Shadows.

Axel chuckles to himself. "Well, what better way to light up the darkness than with fire?"

Three columns of fire rise up around him and start spinning, quickly becoming tornadoes of flame. Axel releases his chakrams and they hover at his sides like patient dogs; then Axel snaps his fingers and all three tornadoes explode, incinerating the Heartless and giving Axel room to move. Axel hears an inhuman roar from somewhere close by and he catches a glimpse of Saïx through the blackness, fighting with the speed and efficiency of a demon.

But then Axel is forced to focus on a second wave of Heartless, this one a combination of Shadows, Darkballs, and countless others. They come with such force that Axel is backed into a corner almost immediately. He summons his fire, but then Blue Rhapsodies appear out of nowhere like spinning blue lanterns, and they douse the fire with enough ice to put it out.

_Fuck,_ Axel thinks, and then the Heartless smash into him. Axel is thrown backward against the chasm wall.

Axel struggles up to his knees as the Heartless threaten to bury him, his head spinning.

"Damn stupid blue _bastards,"_ Axel snarls, and he sends out wave after wave of fire. The Blue Rhapsodies shoot ice fast, but not fast enough; the lot of them are quickly incinerated. Darkballs come in from the right and Axel swings his chakrams. Too late, he senses more Heartless coming in at his left. Something like teeth pierce his side and Axel is tossed away, landing in the middle of the Heartless.

_This many, it's insane! How the hell are the two of us supposed to handle this?_

Axel doesn't have time to think about it, because the Heartless are coming back. He sends out his fire in a protective ring around him, and throws his chakrams out beyond the ring, where they dart back and forth to take out Heartless.

_A wall, need my back to a wall…_

Axel starts edging away, sending out blasts of fire. He's heading for a tunnel opening instead of a wall, but the Heartless have him blocked in every other direction. Without warning the fire users, the Red Nocturnes, burst through his ring and attack with their own fire. Axel loses his concentration and the protective ring around him vanishes into smoke and ash. He calls his chakrams back to his hands and slashes through the Red Nocturnes.

Heartless are hitting him from all sides now, and he can feel himself leaking darkness. He summons fire to his chakrams and releases them. They dart around him in a spiral, slashing and incinerating as they go. Axel keeps trying to back toward a wall, but the Heartless seem to be driving him toward a tunnel.

_The hell? Am I seriously getting overpowered by Heartless? Well, granted, there's about ten billion of them, but still…_

Axel slashes and sends out bursts of fire, but there are too many and they keep attacking his blind spots. Then suddenly something takes hold of his leg and yanks. Axel goes down with a yelp, and the next thing he knows he's flying through the air, straight into the tunnel. He lands, rolls, and his head hits rock, making stars burst before his eyes.

The Heartless are surging forward into the tunnel. Axel pulls himself up to a crouch, his vision wavering. His head seems to be cracking open.

_They get through here…they'll overrun the city…too many…_Axel thinks dimly. He looks over his surroundings as quickly as his double-vision will allow. The Heartless have slowed down as they all try to force themselves through the tunnel at the same time.

_Tunnel…right…I can use this…trap 'em, make a…a bottleneck…gotta do this before I pass out._

Holding his head with one hand and his chakrams with the other, he pulls himself to his feet. He sways and almost goes down, but manages to remain standing.

"Yo, Heartless, you sorry little black…blobs," Axel calls, groaning internally at the pathetic challenge. His head must _really_ be messed up if that's the best he can come up with. "Come on, come get the yummy Nobody!"

The Heartless flood the tunnel toward him and Axel starts backing away, toward where he knows the tunnel will spill out into the Bailey. He's having a hard time staying upright and is dragging one hand along the wall to brace himself. He backs away slowly so that the Heartless never get too far away from him. Still they are pressing into the tunnel, clogging it with darkness and tiny glowing eyes.

Finally Axel thinks he sees light at the other end of the tunnel and he starts moving faster, taunting the Heartless as he goes. When he steps out into the open area near the Bailey, he stops. The whole world is spinning now; Axel only has a few moments.

"'Kay…I call this one…Heartless Flambé. Ready the cannon, mateys…"

Axel calls up as much fire as he can muster but keeps it inside him, where it builds and gathers power.

"Aim and…boom."

The instant the Heartless reach the end of the tunnel, Axel releases his fire. A veritable wall of flame slams into them and travels all the way through the tunnel. When it reaches the open air on the opposite end, the fire explodes. Every last Heartless in the tunnel is destroyed.

The force of the explosion blows Axel out into the Bailey and he lands in a heap. But that's alright, because his head hurts so much and his vision is filling with darkness and a nice sleep right now would be…

-------

"Hey. Hey! You alright? You even alive?"

Axel comes to and finds someone giving his shoulder a shake. For the moment he can't remember where he is.

"Wasn't my fault…vicious onions…the fish were everywhere…" He manages.

"Well, at least you're talking," says a voice.

Axel's eyes crack open. His vision slowly coalesces and he sees an expanse of blue above him.

"Roxas?"

"Sorry, don't know a Roxas," the voice says, and a face appears before Axel's eyes, blocking his view of the sky. The face belongs to a young woman with delicate features. Her brown eyes are regarding Axel with a dubious look, and her inky hair is tied back in a ponytail.

"Hey look, an angel," Axel says.

The woman smirks. "Well, guess your head isn't completely damaged. You alright? What are you doing down here, it's dangerous this close to the chasm."

Axel groans as he remembers that none of the locals were supposed to see him. He pulls himself up slowly to a sitting position. His head still hurts like someone is taking a sledgehammer to his brain, but his vision is clear and he's alive, near as he can tell. There isn't a Heartless in sight.

He then looks over the woman crouching before him. She's wearing enough black that Axel would almost take her for a Nobody, except that she doesn't feel like a Nobody. She seems to notice him staring and folds her arms, drumming gloved fingers on her elbows.

Axel tries to think quickly of a cover story.

"I'm, uh, new around here. I guess I got lost. Then this black thing jumped out of nowhere and attacked me…I guess I hit my head."

"No kidding. Sounds like you got jumped by a Heartless. You're lucky it didn't kill you or worse. Think you can stand up?"

"Yeah…I'm alright," Axel says, wincing as he climbs to his feet. He sways a little as his head pounds harder and presses a hand to his forehead until the pain diminishes.

"You sure?" the woman says, standing up as well and raising an eyebrow at Axel. "You look ready to pass out again."

"No, I'm okay, just, yanno, a bump is all." Axel grins at her. "I've got a really hard head."

She smiles. "Somehow I got that feeling." She looks him up and down. "You really need to be more careful. It's not safe to be out on the streets this close to the chasm. They're still working on getting rid of the Heartless, but there's so many that it's proving difficult."

"Right, duly noted. And what about you then? Running around with those Heart-things about…"

She scoffs. "I can handle myself. Besides, I'm looking for someone."

"Aren't we all? Right, well, thanks for your help and all, but I should probably be going. Yanno, in case they come back or whatever."

"Hey, before you go," she says as Axel turns away. He looks back to see that her eyes have softened for the first time. "I don't suppose you've seen him around, have you?"

"What kind of guy?" Axel says, anxious to get out of here before Saïx catches him conversing with the locals.

"Spiky blonde hair, kind of cranky-looking…"

Axel's breath catches in his throat, but then the woman is continuing.

"…carries a sword that's really way too big for any sane creature to carry?"

Axel breathes a sigh of relief. "Nope. I know plenty of cranky types and one with spiky hair, but none with swords."

The woman shrugs to herself, looking disgruntled. "Well if you see him, could you tell him that Tifa is looking for him? And that when she finds him, she's going to tear him a new one, maybe several?"

"Memorized," Axel says, tapping his temple. "See you around, maybe."

And with that he hightails it toward the crane before Tifa can say another word.

_Locals, damn. That was stupid of me, getting knocked out like that. As long as Saïx doesn't find out, it should be alright. Didn't seem like she suspected anything._

Axel hazards a glance over his shoulder, but Tifa has disappeared. He smirks to himself.

_Little firecracker. He's a lucky guy, Mr. Cranky Man With a Big Sword._

Axel climbs a set of stairs toward the crane and finds himself on a bit of an overlook with a view down into the chasm. He narrows his eyes and stares down into the darkness. There are still Heartless all over the place and the sky above is still pink with the afterglow of their hearts. Axel likely got a few hundred just in the tunnel, but there are still so many?

_And this is gonna be my permanent world? This is gonna be some shit. Well, it's going toward Kingdom Hearts, anyway. That many Heartless—it might even be enough…_

Axel sighs to himself and smiles. He thinks of Roxas and the other Nobodies and of the woman, Tifa.

_No one's ever satisfied with what they have, are they? Ah well. Damn, getting hit in the head always makes me go all philosophical._

"You're alive," comes Saïx's voice, and Axel turns to see him step out from behind the crane. "And late, yet again. You never fail to disappoint me, Axel."

"Whatever. Let's just get the fuck out of this stupid world."

-------

"So, how was it?" Roxas is asking. They're in the cafeteria, sitting across from each other, each with a mug of tea. Axel's head hurts too much to chance coffee.

"You survived, at least," Roxas goes on.

"Well, I _am _Axel, and no Heartless is ever gonna do Axel in. Commit _that_ to memory."

"_Barely_, survived" Roxas continues, ignoring Axel's comment. "Still, Saïx though. Everything go alright?"

"Nothing ever goes alright when Saïx is involved. But whatever. It was nothing. Too busy fighting the squillion Heartless to bother each other, which is good I guess. You shoulda seen my explosion though, it was really quite lovely."

"You knocked yourself out, though," Roxas points out, sipping his tea. "Nearly got yourself killed."

Axel hears the sharp tone in Roxas's voice.

"Yeah, but it's not like I was _completely_ reckless. No more of that 'Axel-goes-kaplooie' stuff. So you can stop worrying. Desperate times, and all that. I didn't really have any choice but to blow the tunnel."

Roxas shrugs and grin. "Well, I suppose you'll take any excuse to blow something up."

"Oh, you know it." Axel massages his head. "Hey, Roxas. Have you ever actually talked to any of the people who actually _live_ in the worlds?"

Roxas tilts his head. "Just the Cheshire Cat in Wonderland, I think. Why, did you talk to someone?"

"Sort of. Just don't tell Saïx." Axel swills his tea. "I dunno. It's weird, thinking about all those people in the worlds, doing their own thing, maybe fighting the Heartless, but still _there,_ you know? Survivors and all. It's getting to the point I can't even remember what that's like, living a normal life."

Roxas is silent for a moment, then he snorts. "Join the club."

Axel stares into his tea for awhile, thinking. But eventually he sighs.

_No point thinking about that stuff. None of it matters. I'll have a heart soon enough, then I can get out of this stupid Organization, go find my own world, get a job in demolitions, maybe kill Heartless if they're still around. Kingdom Hearts. 'S what it's all about. I'll do whatever it takes, I don't care._

Axel rubs his head again._ I'm really getting obsessed, aren't I?_

"So it goes," Axel says, taking a swig of tea.

"So it goes," Roxas agrees, and he flips open a book and starts reading.

---------------------------------------------

Yay for Final Fantasy cameos!!

Holy CRAP this chapter was long in coming! I can't apologize to you guys enough. It's been a really weird summer. I actually started this chapter hella days ago, but just couldn't get around to finishing it until now. I'm so sorry, everyone! I even said that this chapter wouldn't be too long in coming, didn't I? I feel like I've let people down. -- I just hope that at least some of you are still reading this.

Anyway, I hope this chapter floats with you guys. There wasn't as much Axel and Roxas funtimes as in some of the other chapters, but that's kind of what I'm going for. They're starting to think more about themselves first now; Roxas has his own stuff to worry about and so does Axel. And the monkeys are becoming quite the constant, aren't they? Lol. I had fun with that fight scene and with the random cameos (lol, wonder if I can somehow squeeze Sephiroth in somewhere…). And is it weird that now I'd kind of like to see some Axel/Tifa fic? Lol, if someone can make it work, go for it, I say.

So, I'd say that the next chapter won't be quite as long in coming, but you guys have probably learned not to trust me on that point, lol. I'm heading back to school in about two weeks. I will try to get another chapter written between now and then, but I can't promise anything. There'll also be awhile at the end of August where I won't have internet, at least not often, and then of course there's school to think about. And I know I've said it before, but I'll say it again—even if there are big gaps between chapters, I'm not going to abandon this right in the middle of things. I hate it when authors do that, so I won't do that to you. When I finish this fic, there will be an actual conclusion and you'll know it. So I don't want anyone to worry about this fic getting dropped—cause it's not gonna happen!

Well, now that I've stayed up till about seven in the morning to finish this, I think I'd better get some sleep before my brain goes splut Hope you guys like this one.

Feedback is candy for my soul!


	16. The Storm

**Disclaimer:** Still ain't Nomura, lol. And keep a lookout for possible CoM **spoilers,** though I don't think there are any. And I suppose I should start disclaiming that there is lots of swearing and sexual innuendos, huh? So look out if you're young or easily offended.

-----------------------------------------

Not That I Care

16

The Storm

"_Great storms announce themselves_

_with a simple breeze, Captain."_

_--Ladyhawke_

"So basically, lion politics are a hell of a lot worse than people politics, huh?"

"Well, to the degree that in this day and age you don't have governors knifing each other so they can take over."

"That's what they _want_ you to believe. But just look at the Organization. Though Marluxia had more of a, yanno, giant scythe."

"Ugh."

Axel and Roxas are walking down from the castle to the Dark City below, both of them sagging from exhaustion. Roxas also has a headache, though it's nothing compared to the ones he was having a few months ago. Things have gotten hairy in the Pride Lands, pun intended. Mufasa has been killed, Scar has taken over and Simba has gone missing. Roxas and Demyx have had more trouble from all the political bullshit than they have from the Heartless.

"How bout you?" Roxas asks, almost dreading the answer. Axel looks far more exhausted than Roxas feels. It's been a month since Axel's assignment to Hollow Bastion and this is one of the few moments they've been able to spend together. Axel has been working at a madman's pace, and Roxas doesn't understand it any better than he did a month ago.

"Don't even get me _started,"_ Axel groans, running both hands over his head. "The Great Maw—I know, wonderful name, isn't it?—is getting _greater_ every day, I mean, there's got to be at least a billion Heartless there constantly. The local Restoration Committee is getting nowhere. Saïx is as freaking _batshit_ as ever. Oh, and the _drama?_ That world is like a soap opera! We've got Cloud, this emo-tastic little weirdo who is forever chasing after this crazy half-angel guy called Sephiroth who has a _crazy-_long sword, by the way. And Cloud is continually ignoring the fact that not one but _two_ girls are hot for him—one of whom is quite the firecracker, I gotta say. And then we've got Leon, who for some reason is hiding the fact that his real name is _Squall,_ and acts like all the responsibility of Hollow Bastion falls on _him,_ and _also_ ignores the fact that he is almost constantly surrounded by women. And there's Cid, who seems to pop up _everywhere,_ and spends all his time tinkering or working with the computer mainframe, _also_ ignoring the fact that he is _also_ constantly surrounded by women. What is_ wrong_ with all these Hollow Bastioners?"

Roxas sighs and rubs at his forehead.

"I think you just need to get laid."

"You're telling me!" Axel mutters, yawning hugely. "Maybe that's why the Organization is so messed up—everyone's way too sexually repressed for it to be healthy. I mean, think of Xemnas. Before he was the Superior he was this big old nerd scientist—try to _imagine_ the last time he got any."

"Axel, the _last_ thing I want to think about right now is the Superior's sex life."

Axel grimaces. "Yeah. Went a bit too far there."

"I don't think I've ever heard you admit to it," Roxas says, smirking. "So when do you head back to soap-opera world?"

"Tomorrow, bright and…well, not _bright,_ but early. Only got the day off because the Restoration Crew is spending the whole day in the Great Maw, and there's no way we'd get in without their seeing us. Saïx says…"

When Axel doesn't finish, Roxas looks over to see that Axel has come to a stop and is massaging his forehead, teeth gritted.

"Something wrong?"

"It's gonna rain," Axel says, glaring upward. "Damn."

"…and, the voices in your head told you this?"

"Headache. Happens sometimes…not often." Axel shakes his head out and lowers his hand. "It hasn't happened in awhile. Sometimes I just get headaches when it's gonna rain. Cause of the fire, I suppose, it's not exactly like fire and rain are compatible." He winces again and glances upward. "It's gonna be a bad one. Fucking brilliant."

Roxas follows his gaze to the sky. Now that he thinks about it, Kingdom Hearts is dimmer than usual, as if obscured by mist.

"We could head back," he suggests, looking back at Axel who tries to keep the pain off his face. "Stay in, play cards with Luxord?"

Axel groans. "Playing cards with Luxord is not my idea of a fun time. Bastard always cheats."

"No, you just suck at cards."

"Either way. No, I'll be fine, let's go kick the Darkness's ass."

Roxas purses his lips. He's in desperate need of some Heartless to kill, what with all the political bullshit going on in the Pride Lands, but at the same time he knows how much headaches suck.

"For a little while, but then you're going back and getting some rest. You've been working way too hard lately anyway."

Axel grins as they start walking again. "You know what we need? We need a union."

Roxas nods solemnly. "Weekends. Benefits. _Dental."_

"The Nobodies Union. We could have protests and stuff. 'More vacation time, more wages, or we set the factory on fire, got it memorized?' Be all leftist and revolutionary."

"Would give you the opportunity to blow some stuff up, I imagine."

Axel doesn't answer and Roxas notices him surreptitiously reach for his forehead again.

Roxas feels the first raindrop a few minutes later, as they're crossing the bridge from the Castle to the Dark City. The rain has become a downpour by the time they've crossed, and thunder and lightning mutter in the distance. Roxas keeps an eye on Axel, who starts wincing more often and has gone rather quiet—never a good thing with Axel.

Soon the winds have picked up and the lightning is crackling just overhead. By then the two Nobodies are making their way through an alley toward a group of unsuspecting Heartless, and Axel is trying not to look like he's dragging himself.

"You sure you're up for this? You look like you're going to fall asleep on your feet."

"I'm fine. Killing stuff is exactly the pick-me-up I need," Axel says with a fake smirk. He stifles a yawn; it's as if the rain is draining his energy.

There's a loud crash as lightning strikes nearby and something occurs to Roxas.

"How exactly are you going to use your fire in all of this?"

"Um. By bending the laws of physics. Which I can do, because I'm awesome."

Now Roxas is rubbing his forehead. "Axel…"

"Oh, come on, I said I'm _fine._ I've got my weapons at least." Axel's chakrams appear swirling in his hands, shooting sparks of fire. "And I can work a _little_ fire. You worry too much, shorty."

Roxas snorts and peers out of the alley at the Heartless. "Just don't slow me down."

He springs out of the alley and takes a flying leap at the closest Shadow, calling his Keyblade to his hand in midair. The Heartless disappears in a puff before it even knows what hits it. Roxas lands in a puddle, splashing water everywhere. By now the other Heartless—Shadows and Neoshadows, which are like Shadows but twice as big and ten times as mean—have noticed the two Nobodies. They turn and move forward like storm clouds; Roxas doesn't give them a chance to regroup and jumps into the middle of them, swinging his Keyblade. He sees a flash of orange light out of the corner of his eye and knows that Axel has joined the fight as well.

One of the reasons that the Dark City is good for training is that there is, quite literally, no end to the Heartless. The World That Never Was is right on the edge between Darkness and Light; the Nowhere that exists between the two. The Heartless love it here—it's easy to open up pathways between Light and Darkness, and it's safe (usually) from certain Keyblade-wielding someones.

The downside, of course, is that the Organization has to keep weeding out the Heartless, otherwise they'd overrun the Castle and general hell would break lose. Right now, Roxas is thankful for the obscene numbers. Killing things really is the best medicine for stress.

Roxas smiles to himself as his Keyblade cuts down three Shadows at once. _Heh. I'm starting to think like Axel._

Two Neoshadows leap through the air as if to tackle him; Roxas dances around and knocks one into the other in midair, sending them crashing against the side of a building. He spins back around in time to see at least ten Shadows slinking along the ground toward him, a handful of Neoshadows following. He takes a flying leap over the Heartless and lands behind them, but the Neoshadows are quick. Roxas yelps as he feels claws in his hip and swings his Keyblade, cleaving off the head of one and slicing open the chest of a second. Both collapse and disappear into black smoke.

Then the flicker of Axel's fire, their only source of illumination, goes out.

Roxas mutters a curse and looks around until he sees a few embers in the darkness. Axel is fighting a cluster of Neoshadows and seems to be only just able to hold them off.

"Axel, we need fire!"

"Everything's too wet!" Axel yells back, and a spark of flame illuminates him as he slices through three of the Neoshadows.

Roxas hears a hiss behind him and whirls, slashing at the yellow pinpoints that are the Heartless's eyes. The Shadows coming after him before have regrouped; Roxas guesses about thirteen pairs of eyes now. There's a cataclysmic bang as lightning strikes overhead, lighting up the street ahead of Roxas.

He stifles a curse—the entire street has filled with Heartless, almost all of them the stronger Neoshadows.

_It's alright. I've got the lightning, plus their eyes glow, so I can see where they are. Alright._

There's no time to let his eyes adjust after the lightning flash, so Roxas pushes himself into the mess of glowing eyes, swinging and spinning. The Neoshadows can anticipate and evade, unlike their smaller cousins. Roxas has a hard time keeping track of them just by their eyes, but he manages to land every blow. Something grapples at his leg and Roxas stabs downward, then sweeps his Keyblade upward to catch a Neoshadow that is leaping for his throat like some kind of psychotic hound.

Roxas senses a presence behind him and spins, but not fast enough. Claws rake at his thigh and he swings low, slicing the Neoshadow in half. Instantly two more are coming at him from the side, and Roxas realizes that he's surrounded.

_Be a nice time for that second Keyblade to appear…_

Roxas slashes, ducks, dodges, blocks as best he can. Heartless disappear into smoke all around him and soon the area is faintly illuminated by the pink glow of fleeing hearts. The circle around him stretches and Roxas spots a break. He charges for it, cutting down Heartless as he goes, and shoves himself through the circle. Then he turns back and slashes at the group of Heartless while they're still distracted.

Suddenly there's a yelp of pain and Roxas spins to see Axel pulled to the ground by Heartless.

Roxas doesn't even think about it. The next thing he knows he's plowing through them, slashing anything that even considers getting in his way. He reaches the cluster of Heartless that are surrounding Axel and attacks, not even pausing to decide where to swing his weapon. The Keyblade becomes a silver blur in his hands. The Heartless can't even touch him.

Axel manages to drag himself out of the way as Roxas kills the last Heartless. The rest of them hiss and fall back, considering the Nobodies from a distance. Roxas stands between them and Axel, Keyblade at the ready before him.

"Fucking hell, Axel," Roxas snarls when he realizes they're momentarily safe. "Don't scare me like that."

"I was fine, I was about to kick their asses." Roxas looks back and sees that Axel is trying and failing to pull himself to his feet. He is pale and shaking.

"You're useless in this weather," Roxas says as lightning flashes again overhead. The Heartless are still keeping their distance.

Axel makes a hissing sound and forces himself to his feet, glaring at Roxas.

"_Useless?_ Who do you think you're talking to, shorty? I'm—" Axel cuts himself off and he lets out a snarl of pain, one hand shooting to his head. _"Damn, damn, damn."_

"I _told_ you not to slow me down. Just go back to the Castle, I can handle this lot on my own."

"No way. This is the only day we've been able to hang out in _forever,_ there's no way I'm…going…" Axel sways a little and picks up his thread. "I can still fight."

Roxas can't help but laugh, though he knows it's rather cruel. "You call that _fighting?_ You're about to pass out! Don't be an idiot, Axel, or you're going to get us _both_ killed."

Axel snarls again, though this time it has nothing to do with pain. "Fucking hell, this day was supposed to be—! You know what, whatever. Fuck it." Axel waves a hand and opens a dark portal. "Have fun with your Heartless."

He steps in and disappears without another word. Roxas frowns after him.

_What's he so angry about?_

He shrugs to himself and turns back to face the Heartless, who are edging forward now that Roxas is the only one left. Roxas smiles and throws himself into the fray.

-------

The rain hasn't let up in the slightest, and by now Roxas is absolutely drenched and shivering. He's also pleasantly worn out. Killing the rest of the Heartless took a fair amount of time without Axel to back him up, but it was good exercise and a good stress reliever. He's only slightly banged up, though the cold and wet is starting to get uncomfortable. It'll be nice to get back to the Castle, warm up with some tea and a book…

_I hope Axel's alright. Though I guess it's a good thing it happened now and not when we were on a mission. Not that we've actually been on a mission together in…how long?_

Roxas shrugs to himself and shoves his hands into his pockets, trying not to shiver too much. The overcoat is weighing heavily on his shoulders; the thing must be twenty pounds when waterlogged.

_I wonder why Axel was so pissed off. He did want to hang out today…maybe I should have gone back with him. But he knew I needed a good fight, so why…?_

Roxas hears a skittering sound behind him and turns to look. He narrows his eyes at the dim street behind him. Nothing seems to be there, but Roxas pulls one hand out of his pocket, ready to summon his weapon.

He sees and hears nothing else, so he turns around again and keeps heading for the Castle, but he keeps his eyes open, frowning to himself. Something isn't right.

_Why's it so dark? Idiot, it's the Dark City. But no, something's…_

Thunder rumbles overhead and the clouds flash. Roxas looks upward, shielding his eyes from the rain. Kingdom Hearts has completely vanished, even though as far as Roxas knows no cloud cover has ever been able to totally conceal it.

The darkness around him seems to deepen.

_Damn it, something's really…_Roxas comes to a stop and summons his Keyblade to his hand, looking every which way. It feels like Heartless, but somehow more intense than usual. The feeling is familiar.

There's a rumbling sound above and behind him that has nothing to do with thunder, and the bottom drops out of Roxas's stomach. He turns slowly.

A Darkside is standing over him, peering down through giant yellow eyes. Lightning flashes and Roxas can see it through the gaping hole in Darkside's middle.

_Oh, fuck._

This is only the second Darkside that Roxas has ever seen. Considering that the last time he encountered one ended with Axel practically impaled on the thing's claws, Roxas is less than thrilled to find one here. Darkside takes a step forward, Shadows sliding out from the darkness beneath its feet, and Roxas raises his Keyblade, ready.

_But this feels different. World That Never Was…this close to the darkness, the thing'll probably be twice as strong as before. Should I call for backup? No, calm down. I can handle this myself._

"Alright, asshole," Roxas says, glaring up at the monster. "You're in _my_ territory this time."

Darkside makes a deep-throated groaning, like an earthquake, and raises a fist above Roxas. Roxas doesn't give it time to move and attacks first. He leaps onto the thing's foot and then springs up to its ankle, out of reach of the Shadows. Darkside is momentarily confused and Roxas takes the opportunity to hack at its leg.

There's a roar and the leg lifts off the ground. Roxas digs his Keyblade in and holds on as Darkside kicks back and forth, trying to dislodge him. After a particularly violent thrust Roxas lets go of the Keyblade and goes flying, crashing to the ground and rolling a good ways. He's back on his feet in an instant, dazed but steady, and calls the Keyblade back into his hand.

Darkside advances on him and makes a sweeping motion with its claws. Roxas drops and rolls, feeling the wind as the massive hand slices the air above him. Roxas scrambles back to his feet and raises his Keyblade to parry as the hand swings back around for him. There's a squashy sort of crunching sound as Darkside's hand strikes the metal. The force throws Roxas to the ground hard, but Darkside rears back with an angry rumble, one finger missing.

Two Shadows are coming for Roxas so he pulls himself up and swings at them. One vanishes in a burst of dust, but the other flattens itself just in time, then jumps up to claw at Roxas's waist. Roxas lets out a snarl and throws the Heartless off, killing it with a blow to the head. He looks up to refocus his attention on Darkside.

Roxas's throat tightens. Darkside is on its knees—not from pain or injury, Roxas remembers. He braces himself. The air hums and Darkside looses one bolt of purplish energy after another at Roxas. He dodges, spins, dives out of the way. At the last second he sees one coming straight at him; he rolls to his feet, pulls back his Keyblade and swings, knocking the bolt right back at Darkside. The energy crackles down the metal and painfully up his arm, but the bolt strikes Darkside in the shoulder. The monster lets out a moan and stops shooting. It climbs back to its feet and takes a step forward. With a sudden burst of speed, Darkside punches downward. Roxas throws himself to the side and the fist whistles by him, planting itself in the ground and opening a dark portal. Shadows crawl out and slide toward Roxas, but he ignores them. Darkside's fist is stuck in the ground for the moment—this could be Roxas's only chance.

He jumps over the approaching Shadows and climbs up onto Darkside's fist, then starts running as fast as he can up the arm. Darkside tries to swipe at him with its free hand, but Roxas ducks and keeps going. There's an almighty wrench as Darkside frees its fist, but by now Roxas is up to the monster's shoulder. Darkside is reaching for him again. Roxas lets out a roar as he leaps and slashes across Darkside's neck.

Darkside lets out a cry and now Roxas is falling back toward the pavement, grinning madly.

_That shoulda done it._

Suddenly there's a jarring sensation and Roxas's entire world turns upside down.

Darkside has caught him in midair. Its fist closes around him, claws digging into his flesh; Roxas's arms are trapped and his Keyblade is gone. Darkside's fist is massive enough that even with a missing finger its hand is completely covering Roxas's body.

Then Darkside squeezes. Roxas can't even scream as the air is crushed from his lungs. He hears something snap.

_Keyblade, Keyblade, Keyblade!_

The weapon appears and, as if it has a mind of its own, cuts across the back of Darkside's hand. Darkside lets out a grown—and throws Roxas against the nearest building.

Roxas is pretty sure he blacks out for a moment, because the next thing he knows he's hitting the ground. Something goes _snap-pop_ in his shoulder and suddenly it's as if the bones in his left arm have been dipped in acid. Pain like fire spreads from Roxas's neck all the way down to his fingernails and Roxas can't help but scream. He rolls to unpin his arm and tries to move it. There's another explosion of pain that brings tears unwillingly to his eyes and his arm just sort of shifts rather uselessly.

_Dislocated, fuck, fuck, get up, it's coming, oh God why does it hurt to breathe, fuck, get up, just fucking get up!_

Shadows are coming and Darkside is lumbering forward. The Keyblade has disappeared again. Roxas brings his left arm up against his chest and pushes himself shakily to his feet with the other, trying and failing to ignore the pain, which seems to only be getting worse. He feels dizzy, but manages to focus on the Shadows coming for him. He calls his Keyblade into his free hand and swings. The first strike misses and the nearest Shadow slips past his guard, but Roxas steps instinctively backward and slashes again. Two Heartless go down and Roxas sidesteps so he can swing at the other three. As soon as they're gone he whirls on Darkside, which is standing over him. It reaches down; Roxas jumps to the side, stumbling a little. Then he rights himself and slashes at Darkside's wrist as it streaks past. He doesn't give it the chance to try and grab him again and takes off running, trying to put some distance between them. His dislocated shoulder screams its annoyance every time his foot hits the ground.

Roxas feels colder now than before. The pain is dizzying.

_Gotta finish this…finish this and run. I need help. Broken rib, I think…dislocated shoulder…heavy, this coat is so heavy…_

Roxas comes to a stop and turns to look back at Darkside, which is following him slowly. Then he looks at the Keyblade in his hand.

_If I could…I'll have one chance at it…_

Roxas looks again at Darkside, determination coming to his eyes. He grits his teeth and lifts the Keyblade up over his good shoulder, drawing it back like a javelin.

_Come on you bastard, just a few steps more._

Darkside keeps lumbering forward. Roxas tries to calculate the distance and gives up. Better to just bet on luck at this point.

Then he takes several running steps forward and throws the Keyblade with a yell. The Keyblade whistles through the air like an arrow and strikes Darkside in the forehead, going all the way through its skull. The Keyblade disappears and Darkside lets out a keening sound as it topples sideways, crashing into a building. Glass rains everywhere as the windows shatter. Darkside is already starting to disappear, but Roxas summons the Keyblade back into his hand just in case.

Darkside gives a final, frustrated groan and disappears into smoke and dust. The street is silent again except for Roxas's heavy breathing and the roar of the rain.

Roxas drops his Keyblade and it clatters to the pavement. The pain and dizziness overtake him and he stumbles to the side, throwing out his good hand to brace himself against a building. He rolls so that his back is to the wall and slides to the ground, collapsing into a puddle. His free hand goes to his dislocated arm and he grits his teeth so hard he thinks his teeth are going to crack.

_Castle…need to get back…_

He doesn't have the strength to open a dark portal. The world already seems to be darkening and the rain picks up, thundering around him.

_I'll just…rest…for a minute…_

He feels himself sliding, but can't stop himself. His face hits the cold water. He laughs a little. It would be _so_ ironic to defeat a Darkside on his own, only to then drown in a puddle. Axel would never let him hear the end of it.

_It's really…cold…_Roxas thinks, and he passes out.

-------

_The sun is setting over the water, painting the sky and ocean in oranges and pinks. It casts a pathway of light across the waves, as if it's just a matter of walking that orange-silver path, walking until he finds the place where the sun is going._

_The breeze is warm. There is sand down his shorts and he's still soaking wet from when Kairi pulled him into the ocean after he pushed her in. When Riku laughed, they pulled him in as well—"evens things out," Kairi said. All in fun, of course; he can't remember there ever being a shred of malice between them. Not ever._

_They're sitting on the dock and his toes trace patterns in the surface of the water._

"_It's not always gonna be like this," a voice says to his right. He turns to see Riku sitting next to him, silver hair catching the last rays of the sun._

"_What do you mean?" he asks, and his voice sounds funny._

_Someone giggles, and he looks to the left. Kairi is there laughing, her feet also trailing through the water._

"_Why, cause it's gonna get dark soon?"_

"_I don't mean it like that," Riku says, sounding like there's something he wants to convey, something important—something he can't quite express._

_Kairi smiles. "I know, I was joking."_

"_I mean, it's just that we're not going to be together forever. And that's a good thing. It's stupid to not try to do things on your own sometimes. But, while we _are_ together we should make the most of it, you know? There's so little time left."_

"_What are you talking about?" he says, giving Riku a playful shove. "We've got all the time in the world."_

"_Maybe…" Riku sounds doubtful. "But, I've been thinking lately. Kairi, where you came from—it's different from this place, isn't it?"_

"_Well, I don't really remember," Kairi says, putting her fingers to her lips. "I woke up and…here I was. I can't remember what it was like before that. But somehow it…_feels_ different. Here, I mean. You know?"_

_Riku smiles, excited now. "So if you came from someplace else, then maybe there are whole other worlds out there. Dozens of them, maybe. What are those worlds like, I wonder? They've gotta be different than this one." Riku heaves a sigh. "It gets so boring here."_

"_So what are you saying?" he asks, curious. Riku's got the look on his face that means he's coming up with an idea, and Riku's ideas are almost always brilliant._

"_What if we leave? Not forever, I mean," Riku says before his friends can protest. "Like an adventure. We could build a raft and leave the islands, just see where we end up. We could go find Kairi's world! Kairi, you could see your hometown, your parents…"_

_Kairi shifts uncomfortably. "But I…I really like it here, and I can't remember anything from my world. What if…what if anyone I left behind has forgotten about _me,_ too?"_

_He laughs. "Come on, Kairi, no one could ever forget about you." He looks at Riku. "A raft, huh? I like the sound of that! We could put up a sail and get rations—bring along our swords in case we meet pirates."_

"_Moron. Like we'll be able to fight pirates with _wooden_ swords."_

_He rubs the back of his head, grinning. "Right, hadn't thought about that."_

"_I suppose it…could be fun," Kairi says, smiling a little now. "It'll take a lot of work."_

"_Well, we work pretty hard in school already," Riku points out. "It'll be fine! And then we can leave this place, go see other worlds. Who knows how many might be out there?"_

"_Alright, let's do it!" He's excited now, too. Other worlds! He has always loved adventure, but there are so few to be had on the islands these days. They've explored every cave, found every hiding spot—the only real mystery is that strange door in the cave just up the beach._

_And Kairi, of course, who fell to earth in a rain of shooting stars years ago. He can remember that night like it was yesterday._

_Riku gets to his feet as the sun winks out in the west. "Okay then—we've got a lot of planning to do. We need logs and rope to build the raft, plus some cloth for the sail. We'll need to think about rations—and we'll need a compass. But first, let's think about how to design it, because we don't want to get out in the ocean and capsize as soon as we're out of sight of the shore."_

_Kairi laughs as the other two get to their feet as well. "You're gonna be an architect or something when you grow up."_

_Riku snorts. "Not if I stay here. Come on, let's go to the library—we can research and maybe draw up some designs."_

_Riku and Kairi charge up the dock, leaving him behind. He smiles and looks back out at the ocean for a last glimpse. That silver pathway is still there. It looks more solid than before, and he almost reaches out a foot to step onto it._

"_Come on, Sora!" Kairi calls behind him. He turns, smiling, and runs to catch up with them._

_Sora._

_Sora?_

_She called me Sora?_

_Why?_

_This is me. This is real. I remember this. But…_

_I'm…Sora?_

------------------------------------------------------

HO-SNAP.

I give up trying to predict when the next chapter will be out. This semester is the semester from HELL, and it's going to get a lot worse before finals (eurrgghhhh, don't think about finals…). Of course, there _will_ be a next chapter—we've still got a ways to go. So, I'm sorry this chapter comes so long after the recent one. -sigh- That's life, I guess.

Anyway! Stuff is starting to happen once again, isn't it? I actually kind of like this chapter, more so than I liked the last one (even with the Tifa cameo). General lack of Axel in this one. And look, Darkside makes a comeback! I know you all missed the bastard.

BTW, I know Darkside is pretty much a throw-away boss in the actual game, but he's also one of the few purely _Heartless_ bosses—the others were all Disney villains, after all. Except for Ansem, but I can't very well bring him back. Plus, everything is stronger in The World That Never Was.

Also, some people have pointed out that my Lion King timeline is off, considering the rest of the game—adult Simba showed up in summons form in the first game, after all. I just wanted to let you all know that I'm aware of it, but for now I'm going to run with the skewed timeline. I figure right now it's just easier to carry on with the fic until the whole thing is finished, and then I'll go back and do some rewrites. I don't want to confuse anyone my changing things around now, myself included.

Lastly…I'm not _entirely_ sure they're called Neoshadows. Had to go Internetting a bit to find the name. If anyone knows if their real name is something different, let me know—it's a small enough change that I can just edit it and repost the chapter.

P.S. I love FF, even when it's at it's most melodramatic.

Woot. Feedback is candy for my soul.


	17. Shadows

**Disclaimer:** Doesn't belong to me. Well, the fic does, but you knew that. Warnings: vulgar language, sexual innuendos, basic things that teenage+ boys say to each other.

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Not That I Care

17

Shadows

_You are one of God's mistakes_

_You crying, tragic waste of skin_

_I'm well aware of how it aches_

_And you still won't let me in._

_--Placebo_

Axel can't remember the last time he slept so long. He thinks that such a nice, unbroken sleep was exactly what he needed, especially after these past insanely stressful weeks. It's one of the few times that Axel is actually grateful for his rare, rain-induced headaches. A nice sleep, though, doesn't make up for the fact that the headache all but screwed up the one day in weeks that Axel has had with Roxas.

Axel has no time this morning to hunt down Roxas and find out how the fight went down after Axel left. Not that he particularly cares; he's still pissed at Roxas for calling him useless and for cutting their day short. It's not like that last part is really Roxas's fault—stupid rain—and Axel is more pissed at the circumstances, really. But either way, he doesn't really want to talk to Roxas, not yet. Better to just meet with Saïx and get back to work in Hollow Bastion—give time for things to cool down. Otherwise the kid might put his Keyblade through Axel's skull.

_Been awhile since we had a real fight. Dunno if that could be called a real fight. Hm. I wonder if he's still angry._

He stretches one arm above his head and yawns as he picks his way through the hallways down to the Hall of Empty Memories, where he's supposed to meet Saïx. There's no time even to stop into the cafeteria for coffee and breakfast. Saïx is just sadistic like that. Axel can't help a little sigh as he comes up to the cafeteria and smells coffee brewing. Must be Demyx; no one can brew coffee like Demyx can. Sure enough, when Axel pokes his head in there he is, munching cereal as he waits for the coffee to finish.

"That smells unspeakably good. You're doing it just to torture me."

Demyx looks up and smirks, swallowing a spoonful of corn flakes. "Early mission this morning?"

"Saïx hates me," Axle mourns as his stomach growls.

"Saïx hates everything that moves," Demyx says. The machine beeps and he gets up to pour himself a cup. "Oh hey, before you go, have you seen Roxas?"

Axel snorts. "Nope. Last I saw he was kicking ass down in the Dark City."

"Right, the rain," Demyx says, nodding. He frowns down into his coffee.

"Why do you ask? I thought you were avoiding the Pride Lands. Regime change, general chaos and all that."

"Yeah, but he was supposed to meet me last night," Demyx says, sounding concerned now. "He wanted to do a little research—like, why certain worlds affect people the way they do. Like in the Pride Lands, everyone becomes an animal, right? Roxas is way too into books. But yeah, it's not like him, just not showing up like that. I asked around and checked his room but no one had seen him."

Axel chuckles. "Well, sometimes it's hard to see him without a microscope. I'm sure he just slunk back in late last night and went straight to bed."

"No, that's the thing, I checked his room this morning and his bed hadn't been touched." Demyx runs a hand over the top of his hair, a nervous habit of his.

_So, what? The kid stayed out all last night? I know he needed to relieve stress, but no one can fight Heartless all night. What, did he end up at a bar or something? Yeah, like they'd let him in, never mind he's underage. So what the hell? Oh, this is bullshit._

"_Someone_ has to have seen him," Axel says, and decides that Saïx can wait another minute. "Let's just go find Luxord, he's usually on top of these things."

Demyx sets his coffee aside and gets to his feet. Axel stares at the pot with longing, then the two of them head down to one of the sitting rooms on the lower levels, which Luxord has been known to frequent.

_It's weird, it's not like shorty to blow people off. Or to forget to check in. He's as antisocial as the rest of us, but still._

They find Luxord in one of the sitting rooms as they expected, immersed in a heated discussion with Xaldin.

"The _point,_ my friend, is not to beat your opponent senseless, which is hardly plausible when your opponent _is incapable of dying._ The _point_ is _strategy."_

"_Everything_ dies," Xaldin fires back. "Immortality is a lie. And everything has its weak point, it's just a matter of finding the right place to stab it."

"Indeed, and it is likely the pirates will be mortal once the coins are returned, but even _I _couldn't manage that on my own. For someone who so claims to dislike strategy, you're certainly being quite the tactician, the mind games you're playing with that Beast character," Luxord growls over his cup of tea.

"I never said I dislike strategy, but _you_ seem to think that you can win a battle without ever exchanging blows."

"And why can't you?"

"It's a matter of_reality! _It's—what the hell do you two want?" Xaldin snarls, whirling on Axel and Demyx so fast that his dreadlocks make snapping sounds. Rather like a whole nest of angry snakes. Axel holds up his hands in mock-defense.

"So sorry to intrude on such a _fascinating_ debate—"

"Get on with it," Luxord says, sinking into a chair and looking bored.

"We were wondering if anyone's seen Roxas," Demyx puts in.

"No, brat didn't come back last night," Xaldin huffs.

"The Superior is quite upset with him," Luxord adds, sipping his tea. "He was expecting a report on the Pride Lands situation from Roxas."

"Wait, back up," Axel says, the last of his good humor leaving. "What do you _mean_ he didn't come back last night? Are you _shitting _me? No one's seen him at all?"

Luxord and Xaldin glance at each other, the animosity gone.

"It is a bit strange, isn't it?" Luxord says, looking up as if addressing the ceiling. "He has not been one to shirk his duties in the past."

"Probably got caught in the rain, found somewhere to wait it out and fell asleep there," Xaldin agrees with a careless shrug.

_They don't give a shit. Roxas could be…_

Axel turns and takes off running. Demyx makes a sound of surprise.

"Wait, Axel, what about Saïx?"

"_Fuck_ Saïx!" Axel yells and rounds a corner, heading for the bridge.

-------

The sky is still smoky from yesterday's rain and Kingdom Hearts is shining as if through polarized glass. Some of the puddles on the streets are inches deep, and Axel gets a fair amount of oily water on his coat as he charges through them.

"Roxas! _Roxas!"_

_Where were we last night? It was around here, right?_

Most of the streets in the Dark City look the same, but Axel has spent enough time here that he knows his way around. For some reason, though, his mind doesn't seem to be working. He's having a hard time finding his way to where he last saw Roxas.

_Damn it, no wait, here it is, it was this street, I remember._

He skids to a stop and looks around. No Heartless around, thankfully—Axel wouldn't mind killing something right now, but there's no time—and no Roxas, either. His eyes scan the street, looking for any sign. There are claw marks and soot stains from the Heartless, a scorch stain left by Axel, but that's about it. Axel turns around on the spot, swinging his head left and right. Something funny is going on in his chest.

"Roxas! Answer me, dammit! Where the hell are you?"

_Alright, no, think. If he defeated that lot, and it wouldn't be hard, there weren't many, if I'm Roxas, which way would I go? Back to the Castle, okay. Back the way we came, right? Which way, it was this way I think. What the hell, what the hell is he thinking, why the hell would he stay out all night? No, shut up, he probably just got rained in like Xaldin said. Okay focus now, go look for him, focus, dammit!_

Axel starts trotting back up the street, trying to remember the route they took from the Castle last night. He curses himself for not paying more attention, even through the fog of the headache and the confusion of the rain. Rain always skews Axel's sense of direction—always skews_everything,_ really, and suddenly Axel hates anything and everything to do with water.

He keeps walking, looking down every side street, checking every nearby building that still has doors. Heartless are watching him from several alleys, though they make no move to follow.

_There'd have to be some trace, wouldn't there? I mean, even if…oh God, but if, no because he'd just vanish, wouldn't he, like the others did, and there'd be no trace, he'd just disappear, damn, damn, shit, no, calm down. Calm the fuck down. He's Roxas. There's no way he'd…_

Axel can't even bring himself to think the word. And suddenly he's laughing, because it's ridiculous and so, so stupid and so scary, though Axel can't admit it, won't admit it.

_Is this what he felt those times I nearly kicked the bucket? "Felt," what am I thinking, we can't feel, shut up, just shut up and look for him!_

He's getting closer to the bridge but there's still no sign, no trace of Roxas. He picks his way carefully through the streets, not wanting to be wrong in remembering which way they went last night. The tightness in his chest is spreading into his throat and stomach and for some reason it's getting hard to breathe.

Without warning his eyes fall upon a building that appears to have been smashed by something quite large. Glass and shrapnel litters the street and there are streaks of black soot against the bricks.

"Something big, shit…what kind of Heartless…?"

There aren't many. A Behemoth, maybe; a Darkside more likely. It's rare, but they've appeared in the Dark City before.

_Did it…when Roxas…?_

Axel scans the side street and decides it's his best bet. He lopes down the street, boots crunching the fallen glass and splashing in the puddles, looking back and forth, his chest tightening further with every step.

_If he did, if Darkside got him, I'd know, wouldn't I? I mean, I'd like…I'd sense it. He's my best friend. Isn't that how it works?_

Then he sees it: a tiny spot of yellow and a patch of black that's darker than usual, like a hole in the false night of the World That Never Was. Axel squints through the darkness as he approaches and finally, cursing, brings a flame to his hand which lights up a part of the street.

Axel, momentarily, stops short.

"Oh holy…"

Roxas is lying on his back in a puddle on the sidewalk. One arm is clenched tightly to his chest and his coat looks like someone put it through a wood chipper. His face is as pale as the dim, heart-shaped moon above the city.

A small explosion happens in Axel's chest.

Axel rushes forward and sends a small ring of fire up into the air where it floats, casting Roxas in an orange glow and making him look even more like a corpse. Axel slides to a stop and goes down on his knees beside Roxas, who isn't moving.

"Roxas, sweet flying fire monkeys…" Axel leans over him, peering into his face, searching for signs of life.

_He's not dead, no, he'd be gone if he was, so he must be alive but damn, damn he looks hurt, damn._

Little tendrils of darkness are seeping away from Roxas, but he's breathing. He's alive—barely.

Axel looks him over. There are more wounds than Axel can count. One of Roxas's shoulders looks funny. His breathing is ragged, as if each breath causes him pain. He's also sopping wet, his blonde hair plastered against his head.

"Roxas…Roxas, can you hear me?" Axel gives Roxas's uninjured shoulder a squeeze, and when that doesn't work he lays his hand on the side of Roxas's face.

"Damn it, you idiot, you're not supposed to get hurt like this. Fuck, fuck, okay, alright, he needs help, come on, Axel, dark portal back to the Castle and Xigbar, Xigbar should know what to do…"

Axel reaches beneath Roxas and lifts him out of the puddle, as gently as he can, before gathering him into his arms. He's light, too light, and Axel is painfully reminded of just how small Roxas really is.

Axel hoists him up and jars Roxas's bad shoulder by accident. Roxas makes a groaning sound and his eyes flutter but don't open.

"Sora…she called me Sora…" Roxas says in the barest of whispers. For the time being Axel could care less what Roxas is saying—it's enough that he's talking at all, and Axel can't help but burst into a relieved grin.

"It's alright, kid, I've got you, you'll be okay now."

_Please, let him be okay, someone, anyone, let him be okay._

Axel opens a dark portal back to the Castle and steps inside, Roxas falling limp in his arms.

-------

"The final tally is—one dislocated shoulder, two broken ribs, and too many lacerations and puncture wounds for me to care about counting. That plus a raging fever and probably pneumonia when he _does_ wake up equals general badness. _Relax,_ man, he's gonna recover—it's just gonna take awhile."

Axel gives Xigbar a glare that would make Roxas proud.

"I am perfectly fucking relaxed."

They're in the makeshift hospital. It's always been hard for Axel to think of Xigbar as a doctor. He and the other higher-ups were all scientists before they became Nobodies, and Xigbar was the only one with any semblance of medical training. If he had really been a doctor back then his malpractice insurance would have been astronomical. Axel thinks they're lucky that Xigbar does at least know a femur from a spine, but that doesn't make it any easier to see him as the doctorly type.

Still, for the time being, he's grateful for Xigbar's skills. Roxas would have died otherwise. Axel has no delusions about that.

Xigbar heaves an impressive sigh and slaps a clipboard down onto a desk littered with medical doodads.

"I don't get why you _care._ You two are so weird. I mean, it doesn't make sense, Nobodies being friends? We _can't_ care."

Axel shrugs and looks at the door to Roxas's room. There's a glass window in this one and Axel can just see Roxas, lying on the bed within.

"Yeah, and yet strangely, we all need some kind of outlet for those emotions we can't feel." Axel smirks. "Everyone needs a hobby."

Xigbar chuckles at that.

"Can I see him?"

"Whatever makes you_happy,"_ Xigbar says, his voice dripping with irony that Axel chooses to ignore. "Just don't fuck anything up or bother him. What should I tell Saïx? He's pretty pissed off."

"Tell him whatever you want," Axel says, and pushes open the door.

Up close, Roxas looks only marginally better. He's still unconscious, still breathing like it hurts, but now his face is flushed with fever. Passing out in a puddle is apparently unhealthy.

Axel sits down beside him and stares at Roxas's sleeping form. Xigbar says he's not sure when Roxas will wake up.

"You are such a fucking idiot," Axel says, wondering if Roxas can hear him. He's pretty sure it's only comatose people who can supposedly hear things, but still.

"What were you thinking? Why the hell didn't you just _run?_ What, you thought you could take on a Darkside—one in _this_ world, no less—all by your tiny little lonesome?"

Roxas doesn't respond or stir. Axel folds his arms.

"Fine. Don't listen to me. But I'm not going away. You and I need to have words, so I'm gonna stick around until you _do_ listen. Because I'm pissed. Not because I give a shit or anything like that."

Axel looks away from Roxas and stares at the walls beyond him, at the shifting shadows. He's always noticed that if you stare at a surface—a wall, a ceiling, a carpet—long enough, you start to see shapes. This time, he can't see anything but Roxas lying in that puddle, looking dead.

"Except that I do," Axel says, staring at the wall. "I mean, we're friends, right? Friends are supposed to care about each other, I guess. But Xigbar's right. We don't have emotions, not really. Shadows—it's all shadows. But I'm putting a lot of stock in that shadow. Whatever the fuck Nobodies are—it doesn't matter. You're my friend, and I give a shit."

The silence stretches out and fills the corners of the room. Axel remembers that silence, because it was everywhere before Roxas came along. Axel _hated_ that silence. He never wants to have to hear it again.

"I never told you this before," he says, "and I'm never _going_ to, because the last person I told was Larxene, and you know how she is, was—she'd use things against you. Anyway, the point is, I had this little brother back before, in my old life, and you kind of remind me of him, a little. You look kind of like him, I guess. Blonde, blue eyes. I think he was thirteen. It's getting harder to remember. He was really independent, but he was still my little brother. Mom always said, 'be sure to look after him.'

"It was night when the Heartless attacked. They killed everyone. My whole town, just wiped off the map. People were screaming in the streets. I rushed back to my house from…I don't know where, and there they were, my family, going to dust right there in the living room. My little brother was holding a baseball bat and had put himself between our mom and the Heartless, but it didn't matter. Heartless got them as I walked in and I watched them dissolve. Couldn't do a damn thing. Dunno much of what happened after that."

Axel pauses and leans back in his chair, closing his eyes.

"Sure botched that whole 'looking after him' thing, didn't I? I've never been reliable."

It would be nice if he could feel something right now—sadness, guilt, pain. It would be nice if, just for a second, he could actually grieve. But there's nothing there.

Just shadows.

Then he leans forward in his chair and glares at Roxas, who hasn't moved or made a sound.

"It's a damn good thing you can't hear me right now. Otherwise I'd have to kill you."

-------

Two more days go by before Roxas finally wakes up. Axel has left the hospital room only a handful of times, mostly for food, and is asleep in his chair beside Roxas's bed when he senses something different. When he wakes up, he sees Roxas sitting up in bed, staring forward with wide eyes and gripping the edge of the sheets.

"Roxas, holy shit," Axel says, and he can't help a grin. "Looks like you're gonna live. Congrats, man. I was worried."

"I…" Roxas pauses, and Axel can see the muscles in his neck working. "There was a Darkside. I fought it, but…and then I was on a beach." His eyes lid halfway. "I thought I was dead."

"You almost were. God damn it, Roxas, you're such a fucking idiot."

Roxas ignores him.

"Kairi and Riku were there," he says. He frowns. "How do I know those people?"

Axel suddenly remembers the one thing Roxas managed to say before he passed out in Axel's arms: _Sora…she called me Sora._ Axel bites his lip and watches Roxas carefully.

_Has he figured it out? Did the fight trigger something? If he knows…what am I gonna do if he knows? What is the Organization gonna do?_

"Axel," Roxas says, turning to him slowly. Axel braces himself. "Am I Sora?"

Axel stares at him and opens his mouth to respond, but then Roxas turns away again, closing his eyes and shaking his head.

"But it's impossible," he says. "Sora isn't a Heartless. There's no way there could be a Nobody without a Heartless—it's just not possible. But…I feel like I was there, with them. Sora, Kairi and Riku. It was like I was a fourth person, watching it happen, but also like I was Sora, like I was watching it all through his eyes. She, Kairi—she _called_ me Sora. _I don't understand it."_

"Sure you weren't dreaming?" Axel says, though he knows the attempt is pretty pathetic.

Roxas shakes his head again. "It felt too real."

There's a long pause. Axel can't think of what to say.

"Is it because of the Keyblade?" Roxas holds his hand out. There's a flash of light and the Keyblade appears in his hand. He looks it over, his eyes widening again. "We can both wield a Keyblade. We're both Masters. He's a Somebody, and I'm a Nobody. This is the only thing we have in common."

He turns the Keyblade over, and Axel sees that his hand is shaking now.

"Just…just what the hell _is_ this thing?" Roxas says, his voice broken. "Why did it choose me? I don't…I don't understand…"

Axel reaches forward and seizes Roxas's wrist. He's sick of this.

"Just shut up," Axel hisses. "The Keyblade is random. No one really understands it. The fact that it chose you doesn't mean anything, you hear me? It just happened. Same as it did for Sora."

Roxas closes his eyes, but doesn't try to pull away. The Keyblade disappears in a puff of sparks.

"You don't get it."

Axel resists the urge to squeeze Roxas's wrist until it breaks.

"I don't get it?" Axel repeats. "Are you fucking _kidding me?_ I find you half-dead in a fucking _puddle_ and that's all you can say? What is _wrong_ with you? You took on a Darkside all by yourself in _this world?_ And you get pissed at _me_ for doing the explodey thing! Like _I'm_ the one with the death wish. And then you come back, like it's any old fucking thing, like you didn't just _nearly die,_ and you start rambling about all this existential _bullshit?_ Who the fuck _cares_ who Sora is, or why you have fucked up dreams, or why a giant fucking _key_ decided _you_ were the best one to defeat the Heartless. Who_cares?_ Do you have _any_ idea…?"

Axel cuts himself off with a mirthless chuckle and jerks his hand away. He gets to his feet and kicks his chair backwards. Any other day, any other time and he would be pleased with the shocked look on Roxas's face.

Anger might be nothing more than a shadow now, but it certainly feels damn fuck real.

"Of course you don't," he says, smirking cruelly. "Can't say I blame you. Can't say you're any more or less selfish than me, or any of the others around here. Pot and kettle or whatever. Like I give a shit. You can ponder the meaning of your pathetic little existence all you want, but _fuck_ if I'm going to stick around for it."

Axel is at the door when Roxas speaks again.

"I was…" He stops, tries again, and Axel lets him. "It was really that bad?"

Axel's hand is shaking on the doorknob. He's not sure why.

"You were out there all night, broken ribs, dislocated shoulder, gushing darkness all over and lying in a _puddle._ It was _worse_ than that."

Axel decides he doesn't want to hear whatever Roxas has to say in response. He wrenches open the door and walks out, slamming it behind him. Then he finds a wall and leans back against it, breathing. It feels like it did that day, the yawning sensation in his chest, the sense that his heart is in there _somewhere,_ if he can only find it. All he can see in his mind's eye is Roxas lying there in that puddle, slowly dying. Axel remembers what it felt like.

Felt. But that's a lie, isn't it?

_It's like he doesn't even care. Maybe he really doesn't. Why can't he just fucking forget about Sora? It doesn't even _matter. _So what if Sora is his Other? Roxas is still Roxas. But at the same time…the connection between them is getting stronger. He must have been sharing Sora's dreams or something. Does that mean that Sora is closer to waking up?_

_No…no way. Reconstructing all those memories of his…Naminé is going to take awhile on that one. It must have just been random._

_He really doesn't give a shit, does he? He doesn't give a shit about any of this. Anything here. Me, Kingdom Hearts, any of it. He just wants out. And he says _I_ don't get it. But then…he's not like the rest of us, is he? His Other is alive. Roxas…Roxas can still feel. He's not really a Nobody._

_Bastard. That little fucking bastard. He doesn't even know what he has._

Axel rubs his face and slowly the yawning sensation in his chest starts to dissipate. His knuckles are white as he clutches at his arms. Then he shakes his head with a quick jerk and stands up from the wall. He leaves the hospital area, leaves the castle, and heads off to find something to set on fire.

-----------------------------------------

I should not be writing this. It's practically finals week. I should be working. But I decided I should finish this chapter, since it's been sitting there half-finished for, oh, a month now? Gah.

Christ, but I'm ever sorry for leaving you guys hanging for so long! Here it is at long last—what happened after Roxas, yanno, nearly died and all. Axel's not too happy, is he? I don't think he likes existentialism much, lol.

Frantic!Axel was interesting to write. XP And now you get a little fake Axel backstory! I'd love for Nomura to tell us their real history, but it's fun to guess. I always kind of wondered what drew Axel and Roxas together, since they're not all that much alike, in terms of personality. I guess this is just my take on it. Hope y'all like.

This chapter ended up being shorter than most. I'm not sure what I think of it overall, but it was pretty fun to write. Very angsty and emotionally charged. Interesting since they can't really feel anything.

Well, I'd like to hope that I'll get another chapter up before Christmahanukwnazaayule, or at least before New Years. But since I'm not sure that'll happen—I will try, but I don't promise anything—think of this as an early Christmahanukwnazaayule present

Anyway. Hope you enjoy. Sorry for such a long wait this time. Next semester is looking a lot less soul-killing than this one was, so hopefully I'll have more time and updates will be more regular (that's just a hope, though).

Feedback is candy for my soul!


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